Sunday, January 11, 2009

Spiritual Sunday...Confessions of an Ensign reading slacker and other Sunday appropriate topics.

Okay, confession time. I used to be a HUGE reader. I mean HUGE. Like several books a week huge. Then, I don't know what happened, life changes or whatever, and now, I am lucky if I get the whole paper read for the day. Throw in scriptures, and the monthly Ensign, and, well, this is my confession, I'm a tich behind on the Ensign. Let's just say I still have last Spring's conference edition, but I did read all of October's. YES, I know it's out of order, and I'm still struggling with that, but, I digress.....
Just this week, I finally finished December's edition. Good as always, but a particular phrase has stuck with me. It was an article titled "Consecrate Thy Performance", a gospel classics by Elder Neal A. Maxwell. The whole article is a gem, but one particular sentence: "Brothers and Sisters, our individual worth is already divinely established as 'great'; it does not fluctuate like the stock market." That has hit me like a ton a bricks and has stuck with me since Thursday when I read it. Our self worth is already established. It's already a given. WE are the ones that forget it and allow ourselves to feel like we are less than we divinely are. So even when I slack at reading what I should be reading, or praying as often as I should be praying, or being as kind as I should be, and less judgemental. When I slip up and allow mean thoughts or words escape and basically behave less a daughter of God and more a follower of the world, I need to remind myself that these errors are natural, learn from them and move the heck on. I've got to quit dwelling on my failures and shortcomings because however my self-esteem is on any given day, it DOES NOT define my ultimate individual value and worth. My 401k may have tanked, but I have not.
We also had a great Sacrament meeting. A young man reported on his mission. He is the same age as my oldest, they hung out together when they were little. Josh served in Kenya, Africa and had a great report. Did you know that they come home from Africa with an accent? It was English speaking, but he now E N U N C I A T E S everything!
I'm not gonna lie though, when all the boys my oldest son's age left, it was very hurtful. Mind you, I was more than happy for them and their families, but at the same time, felt hurt knowing that we were missing out on that for him. Now as they come home, some of the hurt is still there, knowing that he has missed so many great opportunities in his life that could have only come had he chosen a different path. I guess the bottom line is, if he's happy, that's all a Mother could ask for right?
It does, however, make me more sensitive to others who's son's choose not to serve missions for whatever reasons. I definitely know how they feel and no snarky judgements from my corner.


Kristina P. said...

Yeah, I just renewed my Ensign subscription finally, after like 18 months. And I don't read very much either anymore.

tiburon said...

I have been naughty on the Ensign.

We had a missionary report too - but from an old couple.

Nice to see you have a spiritual side. :)

Erin said...

I read my Ensign from cover to cover as soon as I get it, but my scriptures tend to gather dust in the corner. Sheesh.

And I have a brother who didn't serve a mission, who will be 21 next week, and I know how my mother feels. So I empathize with you!