Thursday, April 30, 2009

Slang Gang Word of the Day

April 30: Aisle Salmon

The act of moving in the opposite direction of everyone else using the aisle. While they can be spotted in any type of aisle, they are frequently seen on airlines during loading and deplaning.

Did you see the 'aisle salmon' trying to work his way back five rows to get a roller bag our of the overhead while everyone was trying to get off the plane?

**I'm pretty sure this also applies to those people who drive the WRONG WAY in parking lots.

Thankful Thursday

Thursday again - whew!

I'm thankful:

That I don't have the swine flu.

That the Yankees have Joba Chamberlain. I'm getting good vibes from the boy. He and Nick Swisher just might be the secret weapon this year.

For a job with flexibility.

That I don't have the swine flu.

For Cutlets, and the now, I-am-sure-is-a-hoochie-mama, who gave them to me.

The sunshine we get to enjoy lately.

That I don't have the swine flu.

For CandleBreeze and it's many scents to choose from. Really. BEST THING EVER! My home smells wonderful. No candle residue, no spilling hot wax. Safe proof for even me.

That my husband isn't a cat person and that we have to have one.

And oh yeah, that I don't have the swine flu.

What are you thankful for today?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A day of Randomness

I don't know if it's the great muscle relaxants I'm on, or the fact that it is Wednesday but my head is spinning like a roulette wheel and I can't seem to place any kind of a bet and make it stop.

Not gonna lie. Pretty bugged that some of tonight's favorite TV viewing is pre-empted because of 'bama's news conference. I would SO MUCH rather watch Scrubs than him. I'm tired of him. But, that being said, I'll be a good little citizen and watch so that I can fairly judge him and find him lacking.

This new sports drink, that I got as a sample of in my goody bag from a race, really sucks! And I have a little less than half a gallon left that needs to be gone by bedtime tonight. Maybe I can disguise the taste by chasing it with Sugar Daddies.

Kathie Lee Gifford is just as annoying on NBC as she was on ABC. Different co-host, same irritating self. We actually passed Hoda on the street when we were in NYC a summer or two back, and so thus I feel a little loyalty to her (yes, weird huh?), but KLG? She needs to get over herself.

Wow, I am spewing some negativity here aren't I? On the bright side? Next week is Employee Appreciation week at work and I have a massage scheduled at 12:30. Thanks EG for getting me scheduled. Awe.Some!

I really, really want a concealed weapons permit and a gun. Really, really. I think since my first Mother's Day gift request for this year clearly isn't going to happen, I'm gonna go with this one. I'm told there is a great deal in LV, and if it checks out, I think a road trip is in store for me! Why do I want this? I don't know. But every day that passes just increases my feelings about it.

Running outside this morning during the 9:00am class was fabulous! Made me remember why I love it so much! The sun shining, perfect temp. Nothing better. Really.

I'm confused as to the media coverage on this so called pig sickness. I'm hearing that the Pandemic Level threat has been or, is very soon to be, raised to level 5. Maybe I should start designing face masks. There just might be a solid market for them very soon. I bet I could retire then right?

Check that. Fox news went live to a press conference. Yep. Level 5. Hmph. I guess my dinner plans at the local McSlop shop will need to be delayed. You never know how recently the workers have been here in the good ole US of A and if they brought anything oinking with them. And more importantly, will this put a damper on my travel plans in 2010 to Mexico? Better not! I will be seriously ticked off and THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!

I should probably stop joking about the squealing, oink flu. Karma has a way of biting me in the butt often.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Slang Gang Word of the Day

April 28: Dudevorce

When two male best friends officially end their friendship over a lame disagreement, usually concerning a girl.

Spencer and Brody got a dudevorce over Lauren.

*Who knew? What is it called when two females end a friendship? Chickvorce?

Tickle Me Pink Tuesday

I am just "tickled" that tomorrow is Wednesday, but for me it's my Friday. Your Friday??!! Why yes, see I scheduled myself out of the office Thursday and Friday to attend Women's conference. YAY for Women's Conference! However, got a call yesterday with the news that Sissy's mommy needs gallbladder surgery on Thursday and could I take the Sissy? TAKE THE SISSY?!?! Is the Pope Catholic? Is the sky blue? Is Low-Carb Monster the nectar of the Gods? Of course I can take Sissy! So I am "tickled" I get to spend two whole extra days this week with my Ultimate BFF!

I am "tickled" that Splenda's nose splints get to come out today. Seriously, I think the dude got a cold on top of all this and he really.can't.breathe. For the love of all that is holy, let's hope this does the trick!

I am "tickled" that my doc gave me some super great muscle relaxants. However, I have to add that I was feeling wonderful until I had been sitting at my desk for about 90 minutes. Now, I want to cry with pain. I think it might be work itself. I think I might need to quit and go on disability. I think.....wait, it's probably just the drugs talking. They really are the cat's meow and I am "tickled" that they are working for me (mostly)

And last, but certainly, not least, I am "tickled" that I came to work and found a prize on my desk!Oooh...what could be in the delightful bag? I'm ready to wet myself with sheer excitement!

Looksie what she gave me!Yes, these are what you call Cutlets. Yes, they go into your bra to add a little lift to what we lovingly refer to as man flaps. Yes, I got them because she splurged and got a completely new pair of twins. Yes, I immediately put them in and have been admiring myself all morning. Yes, I am truly "tickled" by them!

Now we just need to find a solution for the buthigh issue. You know, when your butt and thigh all run together in one fell swoop? Generally caused by age and gravity causing your once cute and sassy rear to sag right into the area known as your thighs. Gross really. I need to invent some Butt-lets. Just insert into your good girls, and instantly your sagging rear will be perky and pretty once more.

What's "tickling" you pink today?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Slang Gang Word of the Day

April 27: Dr Google

A person medically qualified by Google's search engine to diagnose symptoms of sickness.

Mrs. Smith: My son has Dengue fever. I searched it on Google.

Dr. James: Really? That's what Google says? Send him to emergency immediately!

Dr. James: *note to self: Mrs. Smith's Son is fine. Mrs. Smith however has a case of Dr Google.

**and you thought only you did this!**

Monday - Missionary Update

I was instructed by Splenda Daddy to make sure I do a post today informing you of the changes for our missionary's updates. See, I guess there are some people, who only stop by on Monday's and only for Elder L's emails and might have missed this.

At any rate, if you didn't get the 411 - Elder L has been transferred and his P-day, oops I mean, Preparation Day is now Saturday's.

Thus, Saturday's will become.......... waiting for clever title to come to Nothing.

Saturday's will have his weekly email and we'll leave it at that.

If you are just tuning in and was looking for his weekly update, click here.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Diva has reared her head

I am now officially entering the world of a girl. There is drama, there is drama and there is even more drama.

'Nuff said.

The Fabulous Four Reunite! - Brazilian Style

My BFF cousins all got together last night for a reunion of sorts. I might have mentioned before that growing up, there were four of us very close in age. My brother T, my cousin T, her brother A and then me. We really did call ourselves the Fabulous Four and we were a tight group! Here it is 40 something years later and we still love getting together. Now, we just don't get to do it as often, but at least with our spouses! We could totally get together every weekend if a certain couple didn't choose to live clear across the freakin country! Marines, Schmarines! Whatev!

At any rate, they were in town and we did the only thing the Fabulous Four could do. Find a great restaurant, with great food and then proceed to be loud, obnoxious, and generally a pain in the you-know-what to all our servers. Oh wait, that was just me. The rest behaved like the perfect, mature adults that they are.

So who exactly are these BFF's?
T and R - the clear across the county dorks

TNT - who live south of me, but within a reasonable minutes drive

N and A - who live embarrassingly close and who we do NOT get together often enough

And then me sans Splenda who was still recuperatingSome might question me leaving him home, but hey, this was a Fab Four reunion! Splenda can totally take care of himself for a few hours for crying out loud. Besides, I had my niece over babysitting Sissy and figured she was good enough to babysit her Duncle D too!

We met at Tucanos
which is a Brazilian Steakhouse. This would totally be R's idea. He has probably spent as much of his career in South America as he has anywhere else. The food was fabulous! However, I did have my own little server that not only harassed me about how much I was packing away (rude), but then let me harass him back.We affectionately called him my main meat man.

A few hours into this great time, the usual birthday stunt was pulled. You know, someone at the table pulls a server aside, tells them that someone at the table is having a birthday so the restaurant staff will come and humiliate them. Last time, it was one of the T's who was our target. This time? I was the victim! Double rude! I had no choice but to be a good sport and enjoy it!

Obviously, I am not too vain since I even posted these pictures of me that are less than flattering! I blame the subject and not the photographer. When you don't have great subject matter to begin with, hey, you get what you get. And for the record, I was ONLY drinking water. Okay, a little lemon in it, but nothing harder than that, despite my facial expressions. Thanks N for the pictures! (my camera batteries died early in the game)

A few hours more, and we finally decided that perhaps we needed to call it a night. Hugs, hugs and more hugs. Talk of an east coast visit, a road trip to Vegas, a white water canoe adventure and the usual promise of keeping in touch, which we all actually do thanks to freakin facebook!

I went home absolutely happy as a lark! A long time with some of my very best friends ever. The only thing missing was Splenda. I couldn't even tell him everything we talked about, there was just too much.

Can't wait for the next opportunity for a Fab Four reunion!

Fiction vs Non-Fiction - My own discovery

I used to be a voracious reader! I would read everything and anything except for Sci-Fi.

The last couple of years, I haven't spent the time. Really, it's a matter of priorities and I found that if I had to choose between going to the gym or laying in bed and reading a book. I choose the gym. I also noticed that my tastes in books have radically changed. When I was younger, I would read lots of fiction, romance etc. Now, however, it no longer appeals to me. To be brutally honest, the only non-fiction writer I read is her. And not only do I love her as a person, but I "get" her writing and her characters. Since I know her background, I also know where some of the inspiration comes from. Thus, it is interesting to me. Her latest bookwas particularly intriguing to me since I knew her daughter had spent time in Romania serving in the hospital and orphanage so I really knew the basis for the experiences of the character. It was more real to me than fiction normally is.

Well at the last book signing she did, I saw a small little book on sale for just a couple of bucks. Those around me said it was a great book and outlined the premise. I thought it sounded interesting and for a couple of bucks, I bought two copies. Once for me and one to give as a gift.

The book?
The Wednesday Letters by Jason F Wright.
The premise is that the married couple dies and their children find these letters that husband has written to wife every single Wednesday since the day they got married. Some family secrets come out, and in the end there is a lesson on repentance, forgiveness and redemption.

Sounds good right? eh, okay I guess. While it was a quick read, and had a great message, I think I've realized that other than hers, non-fiction books just feel too contrived for me. I want a REAL story. I want to read about REAL things, REAL people and REAL situations. Give me a biography, and I am in heaven. That's probably why I read the newspaper every single day (and not on line - real ink and paper), read People magazine (debatable about realness, I know) and have discovered the joys of other's blogs. Unless you are lying on your blog, then me no likey.

I've discovered, I'm no good with fantasy. No good with pretend or made-up. I want something real and something true. I've discovered I am no longer a fiction reader. Just the facts ma'am!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Missionary Update - On Saturday???

Subject: Tranfers!!


Well family, here is some news! I was taken out of Radimadi, but to a place not too far away. I was transfered to Osorno haha. My sector is called Francke. I am pretty sure that you guys will be able to look it up in google and see how it is, but it is a small sector with a much better house than what I have. I was called to be a District Leader here. There are 4 missionaries in my district. A sector called Obejería and Centro. It actually is really really cool here! My companions name is Elder Gomez. He is also from Honduras! He has about 1 month and a half in the mission, so I will also be ending his training. I am not going to lie to you guys, there is a lot of work to do being district leader, so it keeps me really busy.

I am sure that you guys are probably wondering why I am writing to you guys on a Saturday. Here in Osorno, the Pdays are on Saturday. So from now on I will be writing and hearing from you guys every Sat., not Monday. This is only here in Osorno haha. Downtown here is really awesome. There are tons of stores and big buildings. This is where I will be buying my jacket and some other stuff that I need. I took out 60,000 pesos for right now. I am not sure if I need more, but that should do for now. I should be expecting the package soon and will be getting it a lot faster now that I am close to the Office.

I am loving the mission right now that is for sure!! Basiclly to sum up what a DL does, is everyday Tuesday we have a District Meeting. I direct the meeting, and give a class to help the missionaries in one or more aspects in the work. Also every Wed. Thru, and Fril. the missionaries call me and give me the information of their work, for example how many lessons they are teaching and stuff like that. I then give those to the Zone Leaders. I also do what is called Inter changes. When my companionship along with another, swap for a day. This is done to be able to help the missionaries in the sector.

Today we have a baptizm!! His name is Jaun Pablo. He is about 30 years old but way cool! I am going to have to send you guys pics the next sat and everything. He wants me to baptizm him. Also, his cousin now has a baptismal date 30 of May. Slowly but surely we will be able to talk and convert all of his family.

All in all things are going great here on the mission. The time is flying by and the experiences are amazing. I still dont have any information about when I call you guys :( That is going to have to be the next Pday. Anyway I hope that you guys have a great week. I am looking foward to hearing from you guys soon! Love you guys and miss ya!

Elder Catmull

P.S. My comp doesnt have anyone that writes him. That would be really nice if you guys could send him a package :) Thanks for your love and support.

*It was a HUGE surprise to see this in my in-box today! In fact it was in work's email so I wouldn't have normally seen it until Monday, but I just happened to open it today. Not surprised he is in a leadership role. He has some natural ability there, though he would never be the first to admit that. Now, off to send a package to the comp! : )

Junior Prom - 2009 - The Tuffster is a P.I.M.P!

Uh huh, yeah, that's right, that's my boy!

Junior Prom was Friday night and he has been looking forward to it for awhile now.
Got his tux Thursday, checked it Friday morning to make sure everything fit right. I must say, well done Tip Top Tux. I'd love to provide a link, but they aren't on line, dang. However, they are a great little Mom and Pop shop out of their home. Any tux, any style, complete with shoes for 39.99. Fantastic deal! If you are in the market, you know how to get the deets from me.

The plans for his group kept changing and changing and they didn't have final set plans until early afternoon on Friday. For the record, that! But whatever, it's not my prom now is it?

He got all spiffied up and let me snap a photo
Then off he went to pick up his date K and back again for me to get ANOTHER photo.Aren't they cute?

Then they were off to meet their group for dinner. They had reservations at 5pm at Macaroni Grill. THE place to be for prom! At 5:30, I got a call from them saying that they were lost and could I direct them? HUH! Wha? How do you get lost going about 5 miles from our house? Okay, I ask them where they are at, and they are now in South Salt Lake - WAY FAR AWAY! After about 10 minutes of me trying to orient and direct them, we hung up. Me on the way to get Splenda, them to hope that the others in their group were already there and still had the table.

Now tradition at our school is that the Junior's promenade. This year, as is in year's past, it was held at the State Capitol, which is a gorgeous building!
Inside the rotunda where the dance is held, are two big grand staircases. The one on the west side of the building is where the juniors line up, have their names announced and come walking down the stairs. Parents typically come for this part and snap photos and I was not going to miss this chance! Making sure Splenda was settled in and taken care of, I picked of Tuffy's BFF's mom Lori, stopped for the Shark, and off we went.

The capitol building is in downtown Salt Lake so we had a little drive. We didn't know exactly when they were going to DO the promenade and since none of the kids would text us back to tell us, we were just taking the chance that we'd catch it and not miss a thing!

Parked, hiked in the rain and listened to Shark tell me how I really could have parked closer. Why the heck did I park so far away? See all those empty parking spots? If your going to go in the front door, you park in the front and blah blah blah. Actually, it was funny. And all three of us were NOT dressed up, Sissy was on my hip with her ugliest blankie. We were a pretty hawt group going in there.

As soon as we get into the rotunda, we can see they have already lined the kids up and they are just about to begin! We get to the front of the crowd, and position ourselves to the side. Yes, there's B, Tuffy's BFF, and right behind him is Tuffy. Sweet! There were smart enough to get to the front! Next thing you know, it's their turns repsectively, and I'm snapping away. DID ONE OF THOSE OF HIM ON THE STEPS TURN OUT????!!!!!! Caaarraaap. Hoping Shark got one.The Shark comes through, and no that is NOT Tuffy's date, it's B's.

Called the kids over with their dates and we chat for a minute and snap a few more pictures.Tuffy and his date K

Tuffy and his bestie B

And of course, I needed a picture of me with my date as well!
Yes, we are the Prom Royalty! (and once again, The Shark is an amazing graphic genius!)

After grabbing a brownie for the Sissy, waiting while B's mom got some photos of him and his date, we finally let the humiliation of my child end and we headed home.
Interesting that in year's past, you almost couldn't even get in position to get a picture of your kid on the stairs because of all the parents packing the place. This year, I think I could count on one hand the number of parents I noticed. Why is this? It's a cool thing that they only get to do once ever in their whole lives! Why not come support it? I don't know. I don't get it.

I did find it interesting that attached to their Prom tickets was this:A flyer on NOT driving drunk!
No worries with this boy of mine and his group. A passel of good kids. After the dance, they were too late to go to the comedy club that they had planned on, so instead they hung around at the grocery store getting soda's. How much trouble can that be?

Tonight is the follow up. Movie, dinner and the comedy club. Good Times!

Operation (Literally) Deviated Septum - Success Part 2

Splenda Daddy has had a deviated septum for I think his whole life. Dude can't even BREATHE out of his nose. And the snoring? Don' I've been bugging him for awhile to make an appointment and go get it looked at. Finally after seeing how Corbin's was a success, he bellied up to the bar and went in.
He knew it was going to be painful, and that it was NOT going to be a walk in the park. I think he was unprepared for his initial pain.By the time I go up to the surgical center, after getting Tuffy out the door for prom, he was in recovery. I was brought up to date. His blood pressure was higher than they liked and he had a rippin headache. They gave him an extra Percocet and some other meds to lower the BP. An icepack helped alleviate some of the pain in his head.
After watching him for a little longer, and making sure he was okay, they let me load him in the car and take him home.
I set him up on the recliner in front of the big screen, put a humidifier directed at him and a plate of Chinese food in his lap. I think he was feeling much better by then!

Once the splints come out next Tuesday, the rest test will begin. Keep your fingers crossed that this did the trick. That he'll actually be able to breathe, sleep and smell! I guess no more farting around him. Now, he'll actually be able to know!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Cool video

If you haven't seen this before, it's worth the 1:44.

Well said sweetheart, and AMEN!

Slang Gang Word of the Day

April 24: Tweet-Dropping
When a twitter user has a one-way conversation with a celebrity so that to the users followers, it seems like they are talking to a celebrity and thus are instantly 端ber-cool in the eyes of their followers, when in fact they are a loser with nothing better to do than have a fake conversation with themselves.

Similar to name dropping IRL, but even more annoying and even less likely to be true.

Tweet-Dropper: @BritneySpears How did the barbecue go? I heard Justin Timberlake was there too >.< awkward?

Tweet-Dropper (A few minutes later, without a reply from Britney): @BritneySpears Haha yes, I suppose after a while it got pretty normal for both of you, you must go to loads of the same things!

Tweet-Dropper (Again few minutes later, still without any replies from Britney): Yeah, it's been great! How do you squeeze so much into 140 chars lol? =P

Tweet-Dropper's Follower: Wow, this guy I'm following is having a conversation with THE Britney Spears!

Tweet-Dropper (To self): They are totally falling for my Tweet-Dropping!

*To think I am missing so much not being a tweeter.....

**And so I am NOT accused of being a plagiarizing thief - all Slang Gang word of Day posts come from here

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

"Don't let Jordan eat your nuts honey, she'll get sick."

"Elmo shot a buffalo?" "Either that or the meat walked right into his freezer."

"I'm invoking the law of consecration. What's yours is mine."

"I'm gonna need to see some ID before you come near me."

Just go ahead and move that man flap over.

I'm not sure that between those two greasy, stringy haired women, without bras on, and boobs sagging to their knees, there is a full set of teeth. But they both can work a Dr Pepper bottle like no other.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Thankful Thursday - Part Deaux

I can't do a Thankful post today without mentioning a couple of specific people.

Splenda Daddy. Admittedly I was more than a little bugged last night that I felt so pressured to go get checked and it ended up being nothing, which don't get me wrong, is good, just wished I would have waited. However, by morning's light and after a scolding from the Shark, I realized that we did the right thing based on previous experience and I am darn lucky that he loves me and cared enough about me to be so worried and careful. And thanks to the Shark - he now has his own fan club of which I am a charter member.(Tiburon is freakin amazing with the computer graphics - behold her greatness)I am so thankful.

Speaking of the Shark......I didn't call anyone last night. I don't like that kind of attention. Now, if I'm being funny then by all means make me the center of attention, but for this kinda crap, I'd rather just blend in and not be noticed. But I knew that if I wasn't there in the morning for class, I would be getting a phone call. I also knew that if she went to the ER and DIDN'T CALL ME??
So I send a text and within moments, she is on the phone willing to drop everything, come right down there and even spoon me if I needed it. I'm the first to claim that I'm lucky enough to feel like I have many good friends and many people whom I love and who love me back, but Shark is one of a kind. Words sometimes just aren't enough. I think I have another sister. Lucky me. I am so thankful.

Tuffy. What a good kid. I know I go on and on about him a lot. But last night I was particularly proud of him. He was at work when we left. Splenda called him when he got off, explained where we were and told him to go to bed and we'd let him know more later. When we came home, he was still awake. Talked to him and I really figured he would sleep through seminary this morning. Nope. Dude got up at oh-dark-thirty and got himself to early morning seminary. No worries for me. I am so thankful.

Blog friends that you get to meet IRL. I got a phone call this morning with a lunch offer. Seems that Annie was in town and had a window of time to get together. LUCKY ME!! Really, if you don't read her, go check her out. And while you are at it, note that she is just as beautiful in person as she is on her blog. She came with her sister and a friend and met me, Shark and Pedaling at the ever delightful Cafe Rio.
(I blame the morphine hangover for my, um, er, look)
Fun fun times! Meeting Annie was a kick! And this was my second time meeting up with Sheila and I adore her more each time. This blogging world has brought me much fun, happiness and a buttload of new friends. I am so thankful.

Thankful Thursday

I debated whether or not to even post today or to even talk about last night.
But after giving it some hard thought today, I would be very ungrateful if I didn't so, here goes.......

I am thankful for my health. That I am home and not at IMC on the 9th floor in an ugly gown and trying to humor the nurses. February of 2008, I had pulmonary emboli. (Feb of 2008)
In dumb dork talk? Blood clots in my lungs. Yeah, I know, WTC? It came as a surprise and really, I've talked about it before, but for the past few days, I have been feeling the same pain/discomfort and sensations that I did back then. Now, knowing my lifestyle, there is ALWAYS something that hurts. There is never a day when there isn't some muscle on my body that isn't sore. That's just the fact. That is my lifestyle choice. And so 14 months ago, I thought I had just pulled something at the gym. Yeah it hurt, but my nature is to just keep going, it will get better. It didn't, it got worse and worse to the point that we were in the ER in the middle of the night. The diagnosis took me by surprise as it did the doctors since I hadn't had any real risk factors going on. I had to stay in the hospital for 4 days. KILLED ME! By the afternoon of the first day, I was begging Splenda to get the laptop because staring out the window to my office building downtown was killing me. I was just sitting around, might as well work when I wasn't sleeping off the Lortab.

Fast forward to last Thursday night, Friday morning. Again, feel like something is tweaked. Whatever, I have the half marathon and really brushed it aside as I focused on the race. It has consistently gotten worse, to the point yesterday it was now the same discomfort and sensation as last time but in the early stages. Not the, I-want-to-die-of-pain, stage.
I made the mistake of telling Splenda Daddy. See when it comes to things like this, I am a worrier about him but not about myself and vice versa. So I usually don't mention stuff like this, knowing it will go away. My mistake. He stews on it and decides we need to go get it checked. Me? No. I know what is involved, and I want none of it. He keeps after me, after me and after me. I finally acknowledge that yes, he is right. If it's clots back again, better catch them now. Or risk dying. Take my pick. I tell him he is going to look silly when we leave the ER and it's nothing.

So off we toddle to the big beautiful IMC ER. Do you know what happens to ER's when the weather is nice? HOLY FREAK! I knew it was going to be bad the minute we pulled in the parking lot.
I check in, give them my symptoms and sure enough, here comes an aide with a wheelchair. I can walk I insist. No, no, if it's clots we don't want them moving around. Fine. Sit in the blasted chair and get wheeled right to triage, as the other waiting patients glare at me for going back before them. Whatev.

Cute little Dale, the volunteer, comes shuffling in to take my vital signs. You know it's bad when they have to start using the really old birds that volunteer there to take vital signs. My vitals are all very good. Yeah, I work hard for that kind of blood pressure. No imminent threat is perceived, so I go back the waiting room. Ditch the wheelchair, I can and will walk by myself.

Observations while sitting for an hour and a half in the ER waiting room. These might have been said out loud, they might have just been my thoughts.

That lady over there looks like she is going to heave.

That is a fine motherly example. And those are just the tats we can see.

Is her toe completely off?

What is his issue? He doesn't look or sound sick.

Why do people even come to the ER when they can go to Instacare? (Side note, the only reason we did ER is because the only way they can tell if it's clots is a CT scan. Can't do those at Instacare)

Lady on the laptop looks like a dork with her headphones on.

The least we could do is watch Idol instead of whatever this stupid show is on CBS.

I don't want that big aide taking my blood. He is scaring the equally big dude he has come to fetch.

What does that lady have that makes her look like she is going to heave? She keeps wiping her brow and looking like she might really keel over. Please don't be an airborne viral something or other that I will catch.

Dude with the chains, the door is locked, you can't get through without being buzzed. Wait for it....wait for it...."hey the door won't open." "Yes, I need to buzz you through, just a minute"

I have now done a complete assessment on every person in that ER waiting room including laptop lady's companion; some chick in her camisole and sweats limping around; the entire family with pregnant wife, hubby, and three small children one of which is the patient and she jumping around like no cares in the world.

I am also then assessing each new person who comes in. One in particular, an older hispanic woman with what appears to be her adult son. This woman is IN PAIN. It is more than clear she is hurting. Splenda and I take turns guessing. I settle on kidney stone. Been there, done that a couple of times, I recognize the painful squirm. They don't however speak very good English. Son fills out paperwork and tries to communicate the fact that his mother is about to die, please see her. He's told as quickly as we can. They sit, I watch her writhe in pain. I suggest to Splenda that maybe we wait another day, see how this goes and come back if it doesn't get better. Nope. Not only is it not getting better in the time we've been sitting here, but I'm really not comfortable right now. It hurts.

About 10 minutes later as more patients go through the process - check in at the desk, go to triage, sit in the waiting room and when anyone comes to call out a name, look like you are waiting to see if you won the lottery, I notice that Hispanic son is getting pretty agitated that no one is calling his mother. He goes to one of the triage rooms and stares in the window. I am thinking, please don't be packing dude. Please don't be so upset that you decide to shoot your mother's way in. I am now not only feeling crappy from the pain in my back and chest, but now freaking a little that we just might have a TV episode in real life going down.

A triage nurse placates him. He returns to mother, I sigh in relief. Except I hurt. Hear a little girl moaning and see Mom holding a 5 or 6 year old in her arms and talking with nurse. Should she just go to PCMC or stay there? Heck if it were me, I'd be picking up the phone, calling PCMC, seeing how backed up they are, and then if at all possible, head up there. But, I am not her, and I hurt.

The door to the patient room area is opening and shutting quite a bit, and it slams as it shuts and locks each time. Laptop lady is sitting next to the door because there is a plug there and she can plug in. Big, blood-draw guy comes through and, no way, she actually complains to him about the door. I guess it's jacking her laptop every time. Are you freakin serious? Unbelievable.

Finally! Melissa, a blond ER nurse, calls my name. Yes, it does feel like we won the lottery. As we go through the doors I tell her to specifically let it slam HARD! HAH - take that laptop lady!

Get a room, which luckily had a TV. A few moments later the doctor actually comes in. The doc before the nurse? Wha? Bad omen. They are busy. Go through my schpiel AGAIN for like the 3rd time. When they get to the question of family medical history and I say my dad died at 36 of an MI (myocardial infarction - heart attack), I ALWAYS get raised eyebrows. Well, that merits an EKG. Seriously, I could go in there with a sore throat but dang girl, let's get an EKG! She also reviews the other tests she is going to do and leaves.

My nurse, a dude whose name I can't remember now, comes in. YES! A dude nurse! It's been my experience, that they are the best! I have to give him my schpiel AGAIN. That's it, I'm done telling the stupid story. He takes my vitals. Gets me a warm blanket and leaves. Splenda finds something on TV to watch and we settle in for what we both know is going to be a looooonnnnggggg while.

EKG kid comes and yes, he was a kid. I even asked him for ID. Blood person comes and places the IV (HOLY HANNAH FIRETRUCK!) and draws blood. More waiting. Dude nurse comes back, so like could I maybe get something for the discomfort? No only do I hurt, but you know, those hospital beds are oh-so-comfortable. Sure, he'll ask doc.

Dude nurse comes back, little morphine in the IV. WHOA NELLY! WHOA NELLY!! WHOOOAAAOOAA NELLLLLLLY!!! Um, dude, you realize I weigh a buck eleven, how much did you give me? Seriously, I've had morphine a time or two or three, but this was significantly different. Now off to la-la land.

At some point, I think I better text the Shark so she'll know why I will prolly no beee to classsshhh in the murning. Yep, morphine has taken over. Shark is all over this. Splenda's cell phone starts ringing. Who needs family when you have the Shark? What would I do without her? Promise to keep her up to date. Purdy now calling. She got a heads up from the Shark. Promise to keep updated. I wanna close my eyes again. Me no hurty anymore, me no talky anymore, me sleepy.

CaaarraaaaP! What is taking CT so long? Really, that's all I needed in the first place. Just a little CT scan, see that there are no clots, feel silly for coming in and go home. Splenda walks out to nurses station to check on it. He is very nice, he explains that he understands they are busy, but just to make sure, it did get ordered right? He is placated and wanders back to the room.

Stop clicking your ankle Splenda. Stop clicking your ankle Splenda. Where in the crap is CT? Really, I just wanna go home. Stop clicking your ankle Splenda.

FINALLY! CT comes in, turn on the light, sign some papers, yada yada yada. Contrast dye, yada yada yada. You don't understand sweetheart. I.ALREADY.KNOW.ALL.THIS.
Just freaking get it done already!

Fresh warm blanket and wheelchair ride to CT, just about to get out of the chair when a tech comes in and explains he needs this particular machine RIGHT NOW.
NOOOOOOO, I've been BUMPED! Apologies, so sorry, it will just take another minute. Wheels me out to the hall, and I turn my head to see who dared to take my spot. Um, okay, it's a little boy who is scared to death. They have given him meds to slightly sedate him and need to do it while he is manageable. My head hung in shame. Okay, fine. Do the boy. I can't wait. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Get on the CT table, take some pics. Give me the dye. HOLY FREAKING MOTHER TRUCKIN WHA?!?! Okay, I've had this before, but um, I think I might explode. I think I have become a human bomb! Thank goodness the feeling lasts a mere minute. Or two.

Back to the room. And surprisingly, the wait is now minimal. Doc comes within a half an hour and is pleased to inform me that:
1. No clots - that is a GOOD thing - YAY!
2. Blood work looked great. No sign of an underlying infection.
3. EKG - splendid. No heart issues.
4. I checked out as "pristine".
Did you hear that? I'm "pristine". I get my good girls and shirt back on, Dude nurse comes in with paperwork that Splenda signs and a bottle of a couple of Lortab. Niiiiice. Will add to my collection.

Home and in my own bed by 12:45 or so. Relief, relief, relief. The morphine is wearing off by now so I am in bed with a warm rice bag and back to la la land. Blessed rest, in my own bed on floor 1 in my own jammies. No beeping machines, no chatty nurses and no.ugly.gown.

And that boys and girls, is what I am most thankful for today.

Side note: If this happens again, Splenda said we would do it just the same. Go to the ER and get it checked. Better safe than sorry you know. I informed him no, unless he was willing to take the IV. Hmmm, change of plans, will hit up the doc for muscle relaxants first. Thatta boy Splenda.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

So many thoughts just a-rattling around, I thought perhaps I'd get a few of them down. Maybe my posterity will be convinced that some day's, I actually had thoughts. Even if they are totally random.

I hate the pool. HATE! Weird, 'cause I grew up swimming. I'm not bad, I was taught well, have good form, minimal splash, and can get even manage to look fairly clean at it. As opposed to Splenda who kinda looks like a seizure in the water. We have to keep on-lookers from having to offer first-aid. But that's another story....
So one would think the pool is just a natural thing for me right? NOPE! Once I got a little older, I got WEIRD about germs in the pool. I mean think about it, you are wallowing around in the same big pool of water that LOT'S of other bodies are swooshing around in. Ewwww gross! I realize there are chemicals, but in my mind, there are just not enough chemicals in the world to kill off whatever might be on or come from all those bodies. And by "all those bodies", I mean even just one. Don't even get me STARTED on the kiddie pools.
Silly me, signed up for and actually PAID MONEY to compete in the Women of Steele Triathlon next month. What part of tri, didn't alert me to the fact that a pool would be involved. For weeks, I have been telling myself, it will be fine. Like riding a bike, you jump in and remember everything.
This morning, I jumped in, I remembered everything and Did I struggle with the stroke? The breathing? The goggles? The sync of it all? NOPE.
Were there other bodies in the pool? Yes and therefore, the disgust. Even when they are people I know and like, I just can't help it.
And here it is several hours later and I still smell the chlorine in my nose. My skin is dry, and the thought of having to venture back in for more, much needed training, is about doing me in.
Next time, I think I'll offer to do a relay team. I'll do all the running in the world, just don't make me get in the pool! At least the super cute Sheila from Pedaling will be doing it too, in fact, jump over to her page and give her some encouragement too.

What exactly is the right way to hang up a hanger? Front ways, right? RIGHT? The hook goes OVER the bar straight on. Not underneath it (approach from the back of the rod). What part of this can't I teach certain members of my family? Yes, I am indeed grateful for the fact that hanging up clothes is part of our repertoire, but for the love of all that's holy, can we at least hang them THE RIGHT WAY?! (I personally think he knows it's a button pusher and just likes to tease me, but I want validation that my way is the right way.)

I'm bored with my job. I really don't want to work. I want to stay home and be A Meemaw and babysit Sissy while her Mommy works. Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen. Anyone notice the economy? And even though I have the best boss, the best co-workers and work for the best company, I don't want to work. I'm bored. Am I too old to be a cop? That would be cool. Get to carry a gun, drive fast with bright lights, and help people. I don't have a college degree and am 42 years old, is that a problem? Would either of those things keep me from being a cop? Maybe I should google it. Maybe I should have googled it before I posted this so I don't irritate the Shark. I hate making her butt itch and all. But yeah, being a cop sounds like it's right up my alley. (And to those who might be reading who are currently out of work - no attitude of ingratitude intended, I am grateful I have a job, just spouting some thoughts and feelings)

I get to talk to Elder Catmull in just a matter of weeks. I can hardly wait! This mission thing IS really what it's all cracked up to be. I understand the directive to young LDS men to serve if at all possible. To see the changes in him and the blessings our family have gotten, is beyond words. And the best part? He is still that crazy, silly, happy, easy going, smartalecky kid he was before he left. I see it and hear it in every email, picture and letter home. Nothing about his personality has changed. His spirituality? Now, that's a different story. It's like he's on spiritual steroids or something. Part of me wants him home more than anything and the other part of me doesn't want him to miss a thing out there. I want his experience to go on and on.
Am I weird? Wait, don't answer that, I already know........

Oops, a few random thoughts turned into quite the post. My apologies and if you quit reading a long time ago, I really don't blame you. But then again, you won't see that I don't blame you because you never made it this far : )