Friday, December 26, 2008

Marley & Me - I mean - Kasey & Me

Many of you may have read the book by John Grogran called Marley & Me.

I read it about 3 or 4 years ago, soon after my son Tuffy got his dog Kasey as a Christmas surprise from Santa. The dude was totally writing about Kasey, or as we affectionately call him, FREAKSHOW! The dog is seriously.... I want to say worst dog ever! He is a golden retriever who, when we shave him looks just like a yellow lab, and he is certifiably nuts.

We have had to bail him out of doggy jail not once but twice.
He's broken our wood fence too many times to count.

I've had more than my share of phone calls from neighbors or even complete strangers telling me they found our dog, would we like to come get him?
He went to elementary school. Yes, walked right in the front door with the kiddies.
Went to Junior High. Twice. Yes, walked right in the side door to the choir room.
Has humped the downstairs pillows so many times, we had to throw them away. It just grossed everyone out. (and yes he is neutered and has been since he was big enough to have testes.)
Because of said problem above, was humiliated right out of doggy obedience school. Couldn't show our faces back there again.
Greets EVERYONE at the door with a special technique we like to call the "jump and hug".

Loves my Jordan so much that when she was a puppy, he mothered her to the point that we had to take her away at times. Now just loves to "make-out" with her until her head is one mass of slobbery, wet, lovin. A tich gross.

Knocks down the grandbaby on a regular basis. He doesn't even have to touch her, just walking by is enough to throw her off balance.

Once ate an entire pan of brownies fresh out of the oven.
Once ate an entire "quad" of scripture. That's a Bible, Book of Mormon, D & C, and Pearl of Great Price all in one. Must clarify, not completely consumed, but enough to give new meaning to the words, "feasting on the scriptures".
For that matter, has eaten all sorts of things that were not made for human nor canine consumption.
Has ruined our living rooms blinds and the bedroom blinds.
Has scratched the paint off the outside door.
Has ruined both my living room chairs, the love seat and is now scratching the paint off the windowsill. MUST.SEE.OUT.

Cries and hides when thunder/lightning storms come. Or for that matter, any strange high pitched chirp, ring or buzz. Favorite hiding place? The bathtub. You might go in there one day and hear heavy breathing behind the curtain. No worries, just crybaby.
Has to be loaded on Benadryl to take long car rides.
The groomer tells me that doing him is like "shaving a sheet in the wind." Poor lady cringes when I show up, dragged by him, flailing into the groomery.
Sleeps on the vent in my bedroom thus blocking the heat in the winter and the cool air in the summer.
I have on more than one occasion said he needs to live on a farm somewhere and chase cows and chickens all day.

So of course, when I saw the movie come out based on Grogan's book. I informed Splenda Daddy, (who now wants it stated for the record that he shall no longer be known as Splenda Daddy. After this Christmas, he is the real deal. My real Sugar Daddy...but I digress), that we were going to see the movie.

You are now privileged to hear my "official" review:

Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston are cast superbly as John and Jen Grogan. As a side note, I do in fact want, nay WILL, have Aniston's body. HELLO!!!
The several dogs playing the part of Marley are fantastic.
It stayed fairly true to the book and Alan Arkin, as John's boss in Florida, did an outstanding job.
Kathleen Turner's cameo as the dog obedience instructor was hilarious.
And finally, the editing, directing and cinematography were all very well done.
Oscar worthy? No way, not in that realm.
Enjoyable little film especially if you are a dog lover? Absolutely.
If you are not a lover of dogs, you won't get it. Plain and simple. You won't get it. Don't bother.

Now mind you, I read the book, I knew how it was going to end. But poor Splenda Daddy, I mean, Sugar Daddy, didn't. He had an idea of what was coming, but no matter how prepared we were, we both still bawled like little babies. Cathartic bawling.

Decided that Kasey can stay. And, now that he is getting out of his puppyhood, he is really a good dog.
Nothing like a boy and his best friend who just happens to be 100+lbs of bat-crap crazy, gentle giantness.


tammy said...

Are you sure he's not part lab? Ours ate one leg of my grandmonther's antique table I inherited. And the floor molding on the walls, and the corner of my dresser, and would often eat the buds off my geraniums (pissed me off to see empty stems). I was so glad when he grew out of that. We had another lab who ate all the glass ornaments & lights off the tree. He really was bright. Luvpilot thinks that a Golden Retriever would be a good choice next. I'm beginning to wonder after this...

Omgirl said...

I have three words for you: The Dog Whisperer! REad the book if you don't get Nat. Geo channel. WONDERFUL!

Motherboard said...

I think that he was talking about MY dog... she ate the air conditioning wires-twice. The cable wires-five times... pulled them entirely out of the ground. Twice in 1 day. The cable guy actually re-buried the wires in a way that the dog couldn't FIND the wires. She has eaten more tubes of Desitin than I can count. She ate my blinds, my camera filter, the tv wires INSIDE the house, shoes, dolls, the pool pump wiring (she actually got a little zap from that one, and left it alone after that) the pool cleaner - and had to get her stomach pumped, The babies diapers (gross! Big time!), my primary song book, elastic bands and pony tail holders, my thanksgiving pies, (she is a big time counter surfer) various sticks she has found in the backyard AND she throws rocks for herself to catch.

Good times here in Crazyland! I actually just got this book to read before I went to see the movie! I'm excited now!

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Always fun to make new bloggy friends!

Jan said...

He ate the scriptures? I can't believe that. How funny. He is the type of dogs kids love to blame on no homework. They would believe them when they said the dog ate it.

We are having troubles with our dog too. No fun.

Thanks for the review too. I can't wait to see the movie.