Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

1. Did she just say "keep your legs zipped up"? Not once, but twice?
2. "Rocky and Balboa over there, need to have Apollo and Creed kick their stupid boyish butts."
3. "So where do you take your dog? Or did you neuter him yourself? Butcher knife or the old fashioned way like taking out teeth, involving string and slamming a door?"
4. "Not that I haven't enjoyed the past three years waking up every morning to a brown trout in your Huggies."
5. Dude - when wearing loose, baggy shorts, DO NOT lay down on the bench to do some chest presses. First of all - NOT impressive; second - TMI!!
6. Did my son, who is an Elder on a mission, really just say that the Chilean girls are hot and that he's liking the dark meat??? OY VAY!
7. WHOA!!! (head snapping around for double take), those are the buckiest buck teeth I have EVER seen! (Wait a minute, strange emotion taking over, not mocking, but instead, wait, is it sorrow? I feel so bad for this lady that I can't even mock. I.just.feel.sad.)
8. "I thought the orange on your back was you sweating cheetos. Sunless tanning lotion?"
9. "All right, which one of you darlings left me the tootsie roll huh? C'mon 'fess up"