Sunday, March 8, 2009

Random ramblings - Spiritual and otherwise

This morning = not good. I stayed up too late, didn't take my medicine to sleep, Sissy woke up extra early and the icing was I woke with a KILLER headache. My first thought? No church. No way. Okay, I have to go for the 3rd hour as I am teaching. Crap, need to finalize the lesson. I really wanted to just pull the covers over my head and make the entire world GO.AWAY! Splenda gets the baby, brings her to snuggle, and by now I have totally convinced myself I am staying home, finishing my lesson and only going to the 3rd hour. I have completely rationalized and justified my decision perfectly.

Why am I not happy? Well duh, girl, you are going on virtually no sleep, and your head is pounding. That's why you're not happy. Duh.
Wait, still not feeling right inside. Splenda starts to get going in the shower. With him, it's not even a question. I know he's tired too. I know he is not looking forward to a day full of meetings, but yet he just gets his two feet on the floor and gets going. FINE! I lay there for a little bit more, having a "come to Jesus" talk with myself. "Melissa, really, you know you need to go. How on earth do you expect help and blessings that you desperately need when you aren't even willing to give 3 little hours? You would do 3 hours at the gym, no problem, and this is much more important and meaningful so get yourself out of bed and get yourself to church!"

Of course, I'm late, but thanks to Splenda and his diligence in making sure his YM have the chairs set up, we have our usual bench. Sit down and what do you know? Sissy starts in. Let's say it involved some yelling, some throwing, some hitting, some spilling of treats, hucking books, and general irreverence and naughtiness. I'm beyond frustrated and give Splenda "the look". He better take her out or I just might have a complete come-apart right then and there. Now mind you, this is all before the sacrament is even over! Mmmm, yup, really feeling the Spirit now. NOT! I have some discussion in my head. "Why did you bother? Really? All you've done is made yourself and Sissy crazy, frustrated and have accomplished nothing but providing a spectacle for the rest of the ward watching us wrestle her. I should have followed my first instinct and pulled the covers over my head." Shortly, Splenda came back into the chapel with the little darling and she had amazingly calmed down. He has that effect. We began the rest of the typical 'keep her entertained while we listen as best we can'.

And then, an amazing thing happened. A good friend PJ, was asked to speak and she told her story of having 6 kids with 4 of them under the age of 3 and doing every other Sunday all by herself while hubby worked. Her chapel was 20 miles away, and they had an 8:00am start time because of 4 wards meeting in the same building. She reviewed many of the situations she faced and then got to the meat. WHY? Why did we do this? When your children are small and it seems all you do is battle for an hour and 10 minutes, it seems like the hour and 10 minutes is really 6 hours! Why do we come and do the weekly wrestling match, that involves all the previous described behavior. And then when we are grandparents and think we've now "earned" the right to sit quietly and enjoy the meeting do so many of us find ourselves right back in the same situation, just now battling the grandbabies? WHY?

Plain and simple - Obedience. We are just being obedient. Doing what we are asked to do just because we are commanded to do it. Demonstrating obedience for ourselves and teaching our small ones, that church is where we belong on Sunday. No matter what. Well, if you can imagine, now my eyes are tearing up, because it was EXACTLY what I needed RIGHT THEN! Of course I knew all of this already, but I needed to hear it right then, and in her words, and with the Spirit right there.
And to think I almost let myself get talked out of going. Isn't that how it is? When we don't feel like doing something the most, is exactly when we should be doing it! I was more than grateful that I was able to suck it up, and get myself there. Of course, the hour and 10 passed, Sissy went to nursery, I was able to pull my lesson together, and had a great hour with my YW. What started out as a horrible morning ended up being a real testimony builder.

Why is it that I seem to have a Sissy catastrophe every week? This is what happens when you get on the telephone with a friend trying to help her with the ward progressive dinner, and Splenda is in the office on the computer......

I know we had an "incident" last week too, but hey, this is typical right? I'm not some horrible MeeMaw am I? For the record, all three of us, me, Tuffster and Splenda, had a hard time keeping the smiles off our faces long enough to discipline her for doing something she KNOWS not to do. Why does Mimi have to have a timeout chair anyway? No fair!

And finally....... a good friend made a teasing remark last week, that I have now stewed over for 3 days. Not stewed in a bad way or offended way. No, no, it takes A LOT to get me to that point, but just a funny, that made me think.
"Girl, you blog WAY TOO MUCH! It took me two hours to get caught up. Just how many did you DO last Wednesday?!"
Mmmmmmm...... um......I dunno. I think my response was "You don't read enough, and get too far behind." or something to that effect. Now I have spent the weekend thinking.... Do I blog too much? How much is appropriate and how much is overkill? WAIT? Isn't this MY blog? Why did I start it anyway? For approval or popularity? For an outlet for all my random crazy thoughts, or for a way to be obedient in keeping a journal without having to write in a notebook?
Self-evaluation time. I started the blog because it sounded fun. I enjoyed reading others and thought I could enjoy writing my own thoughts. Then that lead me to understand, that this really was a great way to journal and while it was an "open" journal that others get to read, that was okay, I'm a very open person anyway. Then that lead me to discover the joy of comments and hearing what others thought. That lead me to communicating with complete strangers who happened to enjoy, agree, disagree or whatever on what I happened to post about. And then that lead me to some great friendships, and finding some amazing people out there, that I KNOW, I needed to cross paths with in this life. So really the answer is: I blog because I enjoy it. I enjoy the creativity, I enjoy the journaling, I enjoy the photos, I enjoy the comments, I enjoy the people.

So what if I blog a lot. One of the beauties is, it's MINE. I can do whatever I want. The other beauty is, if someone doesn't like me, or what I have to say or how much I say, they don't have to follow or read. Isn't that great? It's a freaking WIN-WIN situation! Really, does it get any better? I think not.

So EG - thank you for your random comment that allowed me to think it over, re-evaluate and ultimately, decide that I'm happy just the way I am. I needed it! MMMWWAAHH!

And now, that is enough rambling for one posting. Probably too much, if I lost you after the first paragraph, sorry, but of course, you're not here for the apology. If you stuck around for the ending, well, thanks. Hope your not wishing for the last 20 minutes of your life back now.



tammy said...

Not wishing for the last 20 mins back, but wishing I'd made it to church now. I woke up with a killer headache too, and since I already had a sub to play the organ for me (since we were supposed to be flying to UT today), I went to choir practice and then came back home and went to bed.

But I do get the whole "Why am I even here?" thing. I took my boys alone every Sunday when they were small, and we had the 8:00 church for two years in a row. People would always ask me how I did it, and I would always say "how can I not?" (Then there were other times when I had the thought to stay home, and I'd end up going and getting asked to give a talk or do something I didn't really want to do.)

As for blogging, I think everyone has to find their own happy place. Some weeks I post a lot and comment a ton, and others I just want to get away from it all. But I do think that blogging was inspired. I love the friends I've made and the inspiration, laughs, and sorrow we can all share. I think I would panic if I couldn't check in on my friends. I might have to like actually talk to them on the phone, and we all know I don't do phones.

Wow, I think this is the longest comment I've ever made.

SO said...

I love that you went to church and that lady spoke what you needed to hear. I love hearing stories like that.

And I love your blog. Blog away lady. It depends on the day and how close I am to the computer how much I blog. Now with my laptop I blog more.

Anonymous said...

i love that post!!!!!

you have the freedom & power to BLOG any time you want to :)

wooo hooo!!! and i just so happen to like your blog :)

Anonymous said...

Great post and you hit the nail on the's your blog! I need your e-mail, can I get it from Tib?

DeNae said...

I loved all of this, particularly since I know most of us have been there and dragged our tired (small domesticated farm animals) to church anyway, only to have it completely change our lives.

My favorite part of this post?

The use of the word "hucking".

Pretty sure that's a Utah-ism, and it's great for this ex-pat to hear those words from time to time.

kimberly said...

Don't ever stop blogging! You are the one person I can depend on to have a new post everyday, and I love it! And I for sure don't think you post too much, there is no such thing as too much. Keep it up Melissa.

kimberly said...

That's what she said!

Pedaling said...

i need your e-mail too.
so i can apologize.

Karen said...

I agree that grandparents should not have to have time-out chairs! My grand-daughter had her first temper tantrum the other day (she tried to bite me in frustration and I reprimanded her). I had to pick her up and comfort her when she was laying screaming on the floor.....and I was a preschool teacher for 25 years and should know better!

LaurieJ said...

So many times sitting in church with squirming little ones and thinking what the h$(( am I doing here? And then I get to send them to primary and it makes it all better :-) Just Kidding (kind-of). It is worth it.

And I love that you blog so much! As long as it doesn't stress you out then go with it!

Cadance said...

Look on the bright least you got to church at the correct time...that would have really thrown your day off if your clocks had not been updated! =)
Yea...yesterday my husband said, "I think you might be "addicted" to blogging"...and I was not even "blogging"....I was updating our budget on the computer....I had to remind him that I can do "other" things on the computer! I think he was just sad I didn't drop what I was doing and come watch a movie with him! He's all better now! =)

tiburon said...

But I totally relate. The only difference? I stayed home. You went.

Omgirl said...

I love it when I hear just what I need to hear at church. And I love that the answer you came up with was obedience. this is something that a lot of people (my man included) have a hard time with; doing something JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ASKED TO, not because you get anything form it or because it makes sense or because you can immediately see the results. But just because you're asked. So I have to push and pull him a lot sometimes to just go to church and do our callings, etc. I wish he could read your post!

Omgirl said...

And as for blogging, yes, your blog needs to be what YOU need it to be. And if people can't keep up with it, don't feel bad. I get behind on reading blogs every day of every week, but that should never make you feel bad about how much you blog. Unless you're boring (which YOU are not, but I mean 'you' in the general sense). Because when people write a TON and they're also boring, well then, I might feel justified complaining about reading that. But as long as you're interesting and funny, as you-Melissa-are, thank goodness, blog on!

Kami said...

I too say good for you... it's your blog so you can do whatever you want with it.

ps. just say neeener neeener ;)
pps. I like your blog...and you. :)

Becca said...

I think you're absolutley right. Those times we need to go the most and don't want to are the days we let Satan win. Way to scored a point for the good guys!
I totally relate to the whole church with kids things, but we go because we're supposed and it's the right thing to do...except when we're on vacation;-)

And if it makes you feel better, I have daily catastrophe's at my house--not Sissy ones--ours are all courtesy of Sarah!