Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Have Travel Will Story - Getting our Mexican on!

Linked over to Rhonda at Because Mom Said So from Tink's post about her hilarious trip to Disneyland. See Because Mom Said So is having a little contest about the best travel story. Go check her out, her blog is also quite amusing! In fact, I came back to update this post after I blurked around her site fir a while. Seriously, girl posts some fun stuff, let's just say, I fell in love at first read. But I digress, back to the travel story.....I immediately thought of Splenda and I's trip to Cancun a couple of years ago. Seinfeld comedy all the way. If you're not into a story right now or don't have time today to read, just go ahead and click mark as read, it's okay. I understand.......if not, it really is kinda funny! And I really hope I win!
It was 2002, the March right after the 911 attacks, so airport security was high. They didn't require passports yet, but they did require my birth certificate and drivers license to travel to Mexico. We get to the airport armed with the correct documents and do you know what? The name on my birth certificate didn't match my driver's license. DUH! I got MARRIED! Well, no-no-no, unacceptable. What to do? The airline ticket employee suggested we get a notary public out there to the airport with a notarized document stating I was who I said I was. They have one they use on a regular basis. They call him. We have to wait 45 min for the dude to show up. Pay him another 50 bucks or so, I sign a paper, he signs a paper and off he drives. So now, we are racing to make the flight. The airline ticket agent takes us to the security line and it is over an hour long. Our flight is leaving in MINUTES! She grabs us by the arms, walks us up to the front and tells the security guys, to take us through. We walk through the metal detector without a hitch, but wait, something is in our bags. Wha? Huh?? Splenda and look at each other like what is going on? They ask us to step to the side and then proceed to open our luggage and start rummaging through it. RUMMAGING THROUGH MY GOOD GIRLS!! The whole time the airline agent is getting nervous, the flight needs to leave, we are holding it up, and now these dudes are searching our bags. He opens a side pocket and guess what he found?!! Two pocket knives! WHAT?!?!! I begin stammering and looking at Splenda who is pale and looks like he's gonna throw up. We realize that we took the same luggage our teenage son had just used at scout camp and we didn't check the pockets. I'm frantically trying to explain this to the guy who is very obviously trying to mentally figure out what he should do. The airline agent is sweating bullets, and I'm about ready to cry. The security guy takes the knives, says he has to keep them and can mail them to us later, we say um, NO! HECK NO! We don't need or want them. He throws our clothes back into the bags, zips them and then before he can say a word, the airline agent grabs one of the bags, tells Splenda to get the other and follow her. She is almost RUNNING to the gate. We quickly race behind her and catch up. Once out of earshot of security she explains that technically, we should have been detained and questioned, but if the security guard wasn't going to make a move, we should just get ourselves going. We begin running to the gate. Now, before you can enter the plane, you get wanded and random people are selected to remove their shoes, belts and get a pat down. Well, wouldn't you know it? The beeper goes off on Splenda. "Sir, can you please step aside and remove your shoes?" The airline agent that has escorted us to the gate is appalled, but she can't do anything now, and besides they won't leave without us at this point. She waves buh-bye and leaves us in the capable hands of the gate agents. I step aside while Splenda's there de-shoeing and getting the pat down from a dude that looks like he could and would eat him for lunch. He's just putting his shoes back on when my SIL comes off board with a very nervous expression. "Have you seen T? They are ready to LEAVE!" T? Where'd he go? Haven't you guys been on the plane for like 45 minutes already waiting? Seems T had to go to the bathroom. So now, the plane is waiting on my brother who found it necessary to de-plane so he could de-poop in a spacey place rather than the 1x1 square on the plane. Heck at this point, he ain't my problem! Splenda and I grab our bags and start boarding and here comes T running up behind us. We all get on the plane and rush to find our seats, which mine of course is by the window, so I am climbing over some other spring breaker who looks like he has ALREADY started his partying.
Splenda and I get seated in our seats, look at each other while they are giving the safety instructions and start laughing. I think my heart was just starting to settle down. Good.Flight.Times.


We start our week off in beautiful Cancun by attending church in the city. We love to go to the small branch there. And even though we can't understand a word they say, we still love to go. This time, however, the meeting house that we usually go to is closed, so our friend takes us to a different one. IN THE GHETTO! Nothing like being inside a hot building with no air conditioning so the windows are open and the only thing you can see is graffiti and garbage. Would like to get back to the hotel zone immediately. Good.Churchin.Times.Now add the garbage, graffiti and general slum, and you get the idea.

We spend most of our days on the beach. Cuz that is how we roll. On Tuesday, it's Taco Tuesday at the resort so me, my brother, and my sister decide to go up to the veranda for the free tacos. Splenda decides he wants to snorkel and go clear out to a sandbar he has been eyeing. He borrows some snorkeling gear from the guest desk and heads out. Now Splenda is a tall-drink-o-water who has so-so swim skills. He won't drown, but in a race, I could beat him hands down purely on form. It's quite a swim to get out to the sandbar, but he finally does it! He is snorkeling away, when all of a sudden a HUGE wave comes crashing and knocks the goggles clean off his face. CRAP! If he doesn't turn in those goggles, he is going to get charged, and we all know how Splenda feels about spending money. He has GOT to find those goggles. He searches and searches and can't find them. He swims back into shore, goes back to the guest desk and borrows ANOTHER pair! His thought process? I'll use the second ones to help me find the first ones. He fights, I mean, swims his way back to the sandbar to his exact same spot and begins looking again. Diving down, looking, coming up for air. Again, and again, and again. After a good solid 20 minutes or so, YES! He spots them but just as he is going to go under and grab them, he hears this "Help! Help!" He looks up and some dude is struggling in the water and can't make it to the sandbar. "Help, really, I need some help!" Here's the beauty..... Splenda actually has that moment where he considers 'help the drowning dude or get those goggles that are gonna cost me?' Okay, FINE. He swims over, helps the drowning dude get to the sandbar and solid ground. Splenda goes back to where he had seen the goggles and of course, nope. Gone. Can't find them. Goes through his routine a couple of more times of diving down, looking around, coming back for air. After another 5-10 minutes, ANOTHER huge wave comes along and KNOCKS THE SECOND PAIR OF GOGGLES OFF! Now Splenda has lost TWO pair in the ocean!! CRAP! That's it, he gives up. Swims back to the beach and to our towels to dry off with the thought of having to fork over 10 bucks for two pair of lost goggles. He wanders up to the veranda to tell us his tale of woe and get his free tacos. My brother, who is also a fish, says he'll go find them. Yep. T gets his own goggles on, swims right out there and comes back with both lost goggles. Good.Goggling.Times.


Next day, Splenda and BIL have had enough of chips, and guacamole on the beach for lunch. They decide they are going to head to the mall and get a burger. The mall is just right within walking distance so adios amigos, go have a stupid burger that you can have any old time! The rest of us just put on more sunscreen and flip over to bake the other side. About an hour and a half later, they come back laughing hysterically.
Seems they headed to the food court and go to the Burger King. Order their whoppers and sit down at a table to start enjoying. There are TV's all over that are run off satellite. Splenda is facing BIL, who is facing the TV. All of a sudden, a strange look crosses BIL's face and he just drops his jaw mid whopper bite. Splenda turns to see what he's looking at, and apparently, some minor technical difficulties and the golf that was previously on the TV has now disappeared and it's PORN! Yep, straight up PORN! A few other eating customers notice and then the TV flickers around and around again before going back to the golf. Needless to say, we teased those boys every single day the rest of the trip as to whether or not they were going back for more whoppers. Good.Porn.Times.


We finally are headed home after a beautiful, fun, relaxing and WONDERFUL week in our favorite paradise. I realize that me getting back into the US with my paperwork is not going to be a problem, so I am really not even worried. However as my sister and her husband were standing next to us in line he starts to get nervous. He can't find his ID. What???? No, he can't find his ID. He thinks it's in the checked luggage, but just to be sure, he is tearing through his pockets, rummaging through their carry-on's and sure enough, no ID. They finally get to the counter, and try to explain this to the non-English speaking ticket agent. The agent basically tells them he doesn't really care. He can leave Mexico and deal with the problem in the US as to whether or not they let him back in. Our flight has a small layover in Texas before coming back to Utah, but BIL realizes he can't get to his checked luggage there either. He is going to have to just take his chances and try to explain to the customs agents in Texas. Splenda and I go through first, no problem. Then stand over to the side for sister and BIL. BIL explains his issue and that his ID has inadvertently been packed in his checked luggage. Now get this - the customs agent start clickety click, clicking on her computer and asking him questions like his address, phone number, parents information, where he was going to school, what classes he was currently enrolled in, his employer and of course SS number. In a matter of minutes he was given the all clear since he could answer all the questions correctly. School? Really? Big brother knows about our current school enrollment? WHO KNEW??!! Good.Customs.Times.

We finally touched down in SLC, and while we all had a fantastic time, we had to agree that this was definitely the most EVENTFUL excursion to Cancun. We had been there before, have been back since, but this was truly the most interesting.

Side note: Last year when I went, before the required passport rule. I had a copy of my birth certificate. US left me leave with just that, but I literally had to bribe my way into Mexico. Splenda forked over $50 usd to the Mexican agent to "bypass" my incorrect documents. I now have a passport.

11 comments:

Tink said...

This is hilarious! What a comedy of errors...but good times, right? Looks like we're in the running...can't wait to see who wins!

Kristina P. said...

Great story! I think you and Tink will be neck and neck!!

AS Amber said...

What's the contest? I guess I'll have to read your previous posts. Good. Porn. Times. Frankly, that's probably the only way you'd be able to convince me to eat at Burger King. I've heard Cancun is incredible! We love Mexico!

Melissa said...

And before Tiburon even comments, YES I KNOW!! This is officially the longest post ever now!!

But hehehehe, it was funny, admit it.

SO said...

It was funny! Funny that your husband had to make a decision between goggles and saving a guy. And Burger King Porn. I wonder if you'll get any google hits from that?

kimberly said...

I remember you telling me about that trip!! It still makes me laugh. You should definetly win!!!

Becca said...

I'm still stuck on the beach part....
just that is enough to make everything worth it. That plus all the laughs. Sounds like the kind of vacation you never forget!

tiburon said...

I am glad that Splenda forked over that $50.

And just so you know - Adam would have done the EXACT same thing with the goggles. Except that he can swim his a$$ off.

Omgirl said...

Holy cow! that is a lot of problems for one trip to Mexico. I hope that the beaches made up for it for you. I know the "whoppers" probably did for Splenda Daddy!

Cadance said...

OK....it looks like this story will require my utmost attention...which I can't give it while the kids are getting ready this morning...I will absolutely come back and read this at a later time!!

JoLyn said...

Great story - the goggles part is my favorite! And I love your photos!