Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

If they could JUST get another touchdown, you could be an Oracle

Our amusement is much more important than the self-esteem of that young man.  That's what his therapist is for.

Quit flaunting your pickle at me

If she's gonna leave them on the table, then I am going to look at them.  And now, there just isn't enough brain bleach.

From now on, you're just Mr Meat Man

Keep making that face and you'll get some all day long

Well, that didn't go over as funny as I had planned in my head.

A stick of meat and a bag of corn nuts?  And you expect me to keep my mouth shut?

Please don't require me to respond to that question.  You are NOT gonna like the answer. 

In my defense, I didn't realize anyone else was home too.

I'm too tired to move.  How about I just lay here, and you go wash my face and brush my teeth for me.

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

"Don't stop!  My pants are still down"

"That movie was awesome up until the point that we turned it on and pushed play"

Chloee: "Mimi - my boobs are gonna be bigger than yours.  And longer!"

"Take it out and lick it off!"

"That's where your kind shops"

"I'm glad you can enjoy my son so much"

"Honey, daddy had a repressed childhood, try to understand."

"Your hair glows in the dark - someone put Melissa up front"

Funny Bone Friday - things I may have heard, or said or just thought in my head

Please don't gargle the Sacrament water

The body doesn't do well with death

Lady in pool - "Wow, we really need to wax your back - that's just awful"

Man whom she supposed was her husband -  "Excuse me??"

Lady - *crickets*  "I.....thought....you....were....my.....husband"

Flat Daddy's gonna grab an M-16 and bust a cap on Mother Nature if she doesn't knock it off

Stab and scoop - Stab and scoop

When she gets a UTI - she is naming it Lisa

My sphincter was shy

When I start tasting pee in the back of my throat, we know we have a problem

How's about we don't make out with the dog.

You better believe I am all about opening the red blood cells.

How's about we don't make out with the rock.

It's all fun and games until my maple bar gets dropped.  Then it's death.

Funny Bone Friday

Who needs a kick board when you got boobs like Ana?

I've got a parademaker going on in my stomach

Mark has a puddle he wants to show you

Oh, we've shared more than just saliva.  We've slept together, with his wife right there watching.

Gasoline?  Check.  Matches?  Check.  GO!

So does that include Stewy showing us his beautiful butterfly stoke sans speedo?

If you don't start stooping down to my level, I'm not sure we can be friends

If you go off alone to fart secretly and someone catches you, you are required to hate that person.  For at least one minute or until the crop dusting stench dissipates.

I just swallowed some of his bubbles.  Please let him NOT have eaten Mexican last night.

Freebie Friday - all tied up!

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just though in my head

I have been racking my brains - trying to remember ANYTHING funny from the past little while.  I turned to my little notebook to see if I had written anything down.  I have nothing but a few scribbled notes

Pathetic.  I really need to work on my memory.  I know there has been stuff, but if I don't write it down RIGHT THEN - I completely forget.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Nothing better than Satan's poison delivered right to your doorstep"

"Let me know how that tickling works out for ya"

"I know it's Fast Sunday.  That Baby Ruth bar in my pocket is a breath mint"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That's it kids.  What a disappointment. 

That's why I am turning it over to you.

Leave me something funny.  Hysterical funny.  LOL funny!  Or even a lame attempt at funny - I'll take it.

And I promise, I'll work harder on getting the funny back....it's coming.

In the meantime go watch Cheeseboy yuk it up.  Gosh that dude is funny!

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

I don't think that particular craft project was supposed to be bright green.

I can palm and I can fist, but I don't think I can stop counting.

"Dang, I think we missed the annual sing-a-long"
"No, honey, there was no dang."

Why do you have a potato in your purse?

I'll just put my junk on your junk

I went to school to get my MRS degree

I wanted to date her, but I was already married,

He shushed me, I prayed for him to go away, and then he got the flu.

Life lesson of the day - you can't reason with crazy. 

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

How'd all this bacon get in my bed?

I will act in that play on two conditions:

1.  I get to be Russell Crowe

2.  I get to be Russell Crowe

It's weird to see girls.

It's EFY with a side of badA$$

That was either the ugliest woman I ever saw, or the ugliest man - not sure which one.

'dawg - "Idiot"

Me - "Dumbass"

Splenda - "Hey, easy there, what would Jesus do?"

'dawg - "Jesus would stop that car before it ever turned in front of us.

Luka - "Jesus woulda healed the retard right outta that guy!"

Geez, write it down!  What am I?  Rainman?

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head.

Apparently poo has power.

She's like Barney on steroids

Oh, your feelings are hurt?  Then stop sucking!

Tib speaking without sarcasm is like poo without stink.  It just ain't gonna happen.

I'm the grinch what loves the shark

Now it just looks like you leaked spoiled milk from your boobs.

Take that and put it in your Oracle.

She's pretty sure that if she just could spend some time crafting and produce a project that she could drop and easy 5 ellbees.

And she's lost her noodle again

If you fart, will that speed up the process?

I'm pretty sure I've turned into a salt lick

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

"Don't talk to me about Tiger Woods representing the U.S.  You might as well have sent Bill Clinton"

"No honey, that's Nancy Reagan.  Betty Ford never said, 'Just say no'.  That was her problem.

"Icy/Hot Bengay rubbers"

"So...do you like telling people that you sleep with the Bishop?"

"Did you just say 'Go to heck?'"

I wish I had known there was whip cream, it wouldn't have made sleeping with Wendy and Gigi a whole lot more interesting.

Even if it were once in a lifetime, that would be once in a lifetime too many for me.

I expressed happiness and joy for you then - watch, now I am again.  Happy.  Joy.

Craftily Ever After.

Me:  "Say it again.  SAY IT!"

Shark:  You were right.

Me:  "Say it again"

Shark:  "You were RIGHT, I was WRONG!"

(best day ever)

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

I totally just crop-dusted the Chinese lady.

He's as puffy as a chick on her week.

There's no griddle in the Mav, you're gonna have to wait for your pancakes

I didn't feel you buzzing in my pocket

Don't make me crawl back there and do your eyes.

This is a kids dream come true

Wait a sec - there's a nut in my mouth

And the nice thing is, you never have to share that with me again.  Ever.

Just go and wipe a butt then.

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.  That would be like me legally changing my name to Milkshake-sha-nay-nay

If by 'girl talk', you mean Dad and I having a serious conversation right now, then yes, we are having girl talk.

I knew if anyone would show up dressed like a hoochie at the temple, it would be my friend Melissa.

Dude.  There is something dead in your gut and it ain't a rose bush.

Tuffy:  "You know, those short crazy people"

Luka:  "We call those midgets bro"

Stop being a nagging Nancy

She's wailing like a cat in heat. 

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have said, or heard or just thought in my head

You're bogarting all my good ideas!

I'm not hungry anymore.  The bile rising in my throat has now taken care of that.

You look as bad as I feel.

We can't be having any kind of sentimental moment right now.

I'd rather sit here and look at your Mickey

Did any of you see the Mac truck that ran over me?

I didn't mean anything personal.

Too late - personal taken

This isn't called ADULT conference.

I was hoping for an anorexic day today.  Thanks for helping me out.

Spend a few minutes with me and you'll either leave laughing your butt off, or crying for brain bleach.

No need to put sunscreen on my neck, I've got a mullet.

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

We made a Debbie samwich and didn't even get a prize.

Is Tenille gonna be the one to answer, or will it be the Captain?

Stop mocking the boy about going to hell.

We're stuck in the loop-dee-loop!

You mean Marcia Brady pants?

Don't do it.  It's poison for your soul.

Turn it so I can see the wiener.

Running like a bat out of Magna.

The wrong iron in my hand is like a shank.

Your secret sauce just spilled over.

I enjoy my chub rub

He's quite the stick twirler

It was a lot of fun memories, once we gave it a week.

He's going to the movie, he's picking his seat.

Get your rump into grear

Oh crap, where's my strap?

Shake your moneymaker!

Put it right here in my money holder

You will sell your soul for a dollar.

Nothing like a walker you can't catch.

Take a good look at me.  This is what it looks like to be road kill for many a man!

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

Stop licking my hand.

I can totally rock the robot.

Beware, you will tingle in places you didn't know you could tingle.

Let's try it again, and I won't break it this time.

Me: "Look!  I earned a Zumba bracelet of awesomeness!!"

'dawg: "What the hell is Zumba?"

Me: "It's like Latin dancing.  Like this - see watch."

(demonstration ensues in which I very aggressively and adeptly, I might add, show him how to move hips and chest in Zumba-like moves)

'dawg:  "Stop that right now.  Never.  NEVER. do that again..........e.v.e.r."

It's a P to the O to the S!

I love it when you yell at me on Facebook.

If we're all going to hell, we may as well carpool.  Ill drive.

You wiped me already?  Why thank you!

I'm totally punching you in the ding ding.

Well then get ready for a home run!

Pardon my french, but that is bad a**

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head.

I'd rather eat my own poo.

She charges by the inch.

Don't touch my flippers.

He's just a few inches shy of a mullet.

But it has SOY!

Do you still eat from her?

You're a lady lover.

There is no melo....just straight up DRAMATIC

Did you mean Liberal arts or Liberal nuts?

We're just A.D.D run amok

You need more acid than that

There's a 'but' hanging there.

The dumb bus just let off all kinds of people and gave them my pager number

I don't want to see what you found in your boxers

Funny Bone Friday...Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head.

I like me some black

I don't like my rear end hanging around

Did you just call the Colonel a "dude"?

BOOM!... Roasted!

It smells like rotten egg out of someone's butt.

Look!  I sweated a smiley!

Me:  Not gonna lie - I think I might be getting good at the Zumba

Splenda:  What's Zumba?

Me:  It's like Latin dancing

Splenda:  Does that mean I can ask you about your immigration status?

I don't like to come up sputtering and gasping for air.

You could smell my Monster from halfway across the pool?!

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have said, or heard, or just thought in my head

When your horns came out?  Yeah I remember that.

I'm all out of patience and long suffering today.

That caterwaulling is me singing along. 

There are NO Pioneer games that involve French kissing.

Nice use of the word 'hell' on the temple grounds.  Well done.

Maybe I should learn what words mean before I throw them around in staff meeting.

Easy on me Jimmy!  I'm not one of your rubber finger models.

You look so different so with many clothes on.

I'll just finish her licked cookies.

How do you say "YOU IDIOT!  I told you there was a reef right there!" in Chinese?

Tuffy:  Remember when Jordan would go into heat and Kasey would think he had to "mother" her?

Me:  Yeah.  Aren't you glad humans aren't like that?

Tuffy:  EEEWWWWW !  Mom!  Seriously!  You have just scarred me for life!  There isn't enough bleach in the world to get that image out of my head!!

Me;(snickering...my day is now complete - check off scarring the kid)

I have been called cheap and easy but never mistake me for free.

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

I don't think your Mother appreciated it when you you called her a whore.

Loaded is one of my favorite words.

How do you say idiot in Korean?

I went to class but I'm sure they didn't train me to be this stupid.

I am wearing my pheromone oil.  You WILL be putty in my hands.

You can only wish I would get huffy with you.

Listen, if you are going to insist on being my own personal Garmin, you can at least use a British accent.

It's a 2 faker

The Evo has landed

Isn't that when they called them Walkman's?

I like you to be my own personal sunbeam

I love me a good cuticle push

Did you just say cleaner interface? 

I shouldn't say things in staff meeting if I don't know what they mean.

She wasn't a hooker, she just looked like one.  I think the coin belt was a give away.

Let's see if we can get them to hold their balls still while we say the prayer.

Funny Bone Friday - Things I have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

That's quite a rack you got there

Are you throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

He cleanses my palate between courses.

Everybody needs a hobby.  Don't judge

Did you just say 'horney goat weed'?

Look what you've reduced me to.  Eating scraps for lunch.

I'm not bleeding from the mouth, that's skittle juice.

That's a lot of meat for one girl.

Tickling me is the best part of your whole week.

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

You know, I really would like to pee with the light on please.

10,000 questions and dumb.  That is a wicked combination.

'Cause you just droped your pants while you were hung.

Can you quit taking after your Mother and clean up youu mouth?

How do you kill a man with no life?

You're pinging

Don't dink around like that dumbass

Right now, I'd rather throw cupcakes at a butthole.  Not the mini's but the big, huge Costco muffin size.

Nothing like man flaps flapping around latino style.