Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Spiritual Sunday

What?  M-Cat, you realize it's late Tuesday night right?
Yeah, I do.  But this has been stewing and I've been mulling over these thoughts for several days now (since Sunday) and I think I can finally put words to my thoughts.  Warning:  Could be long and some rambling, bear with me.

Sissy spent most of the weekend.  As per ususal.  We love her dearly, and she loves us.  She has entered a very vocal, lovey, cuddly stage, and, not gonna lie, I absolutley love it.  I love her to crawl in bed and sleep with me.  I love her to "cuddo wif you Mimi"  She is surrounded by people in my home who love her, teach her, respect her and let her know that she is a most choice child.  She is seriously the hugest blessing in our life.

She might not have happened.  In fact, a pregnancy that occured before her (with my son and his girlfriend) ended in an abortion.  I was absolutley heartbroken, and I still have struggles accepting it, but I suppose that is for another post eh?   But when it was discovered that they were pregnant again, I prayed and prayed and PRAYED that she wouldn't choose her previous option.

Of course, I had  no say.  In fact, my son had no say.  Even though thier sexual relationship was consensual, after the "deed" is done, the father basically has very little rights.  Interesting.  And I'm sure opens a whole other can of worms that I am not interested in discussing right now.

My point is now, I think what if?  What if Sissy had ended the same way the first baby did?  What if we didn't have her in our lives?  Her smile, her chatter, her laughs and giggles, her cuddles, her funny games, even her melt downs?

Is she in the ideal family unit?  Nope.  I believe the ideal family unit is a loving mother and father in the home who love each other and their children.  Who are committed to raising a family full of strong morals and values.  Sissy doesn't get that right now.  She is being raised by a single working mom, a father who works, and is now awaiting military orders, BUT, she does have many loving adults in her life who fill in the gaps.  And in all reality, many children are in the same kind of situation.  I am not judging anyone here, merely stating what I believe the "perfect" situation is.

My religous beliefs are in part based on the doctrine that we are all spirit children of a loving Father and Mother in Heaven.  We were sent to this earth to gain bodies and to experience life and all it's trials.  We learn, and grow, and develop ourselves spiritually through these experiences to hopefully become as God is.

As I have watched Sis over the past 3 years and observed that while her life situations have changed, one thing is constant.  That is love.  LOVE.  Love from her Mother, her Father, her uncles, her Mimi, her Poppa, other adult people who interact with her.  LOVE.

Will she remember some of the transitory periods in her life of where she lived or whom she lived with?  Perhaps.  But I hope she always remembers how much she is LOVED.

Isn't that what we all really need?  Not only thinking about Sissy, but other relationships.  My spouse, my boys, my friends, my extended family.  Everyone needs and wants love and acceptance.  If we aren't the ones to provide that for them, who will?

If I am not my families best and loudest cheerleader?  Who will be?  No one will love my children the way I love them.  They need to feel it, they need to know it.  They need to have it INGRAINED into their very selves.  Not just my children, but my granddaughter too.

I also believe we were sent to this earth in family units for a reason. I believe we lived in a Spirit world before we came to earth, and I believe we will return to a Spirit world until we become resurrected.  I believe we knew we would have struggles and trials.  Perhaps, we chose our families?  Perhaps we even chose our struggles knowing that they would ultimately serve the intended purpose of refining us to who we need to become.

I look at each one of my family members and KNOW that we are together for a reason.  We learn so much from each other.  As hard as some of the lessons and experiences have been, in hindsight, I see the lessons.  Well, to be honest, most of the time.  Some I am still confused by. 

But when I think of Sissy and that she likely might not have been given the chance to be here with us, I feel literally sick to my stomach.  It's no secret that I am pro-life.  I believe every spirit should have the opportunity to experience life.  When there are so many families ready to adopt, I see no reason for abortion.  I just don't get it.  It hurts my heart.  Especially, when I think of what we could be missing.  I think of her, alive, thriving, growing, learning and my heart is full of LOVE.

I think of my boys.  All that we have been through as a family.  Our good times, our bad times, our scary times, or silly times and my heart is full of LOVE.

I think of my husband.  25 years of living with the same person.  Trying to raise a family together the best we can.  Sharing inside jokes, struggles, joys, and long discussions about our family and future and my heart is full of LOVE.

I think of my extended family.  We just spent a week on vacay with some of them.  They are some of my best friends ever.  I think of all that we have been through.  My heart is full of LOVE.

I think of my friends and other relationships.  I am blessed with not just many in numbers, but AMAZING friends.  Some for 20 + years and some for a few months, but I think of our relationships and my heart is full of LOVE.

Is this how God feels?  Does he feel sad when one of his children doesn't get the opportunity to get a body and live on earth?  Does he think of His children and feel LOVE?  Does he think of his wife, our Heavenly Mother, and find his heart swells with love?  Does he watch our relationships here and when he sees us being kind to one another, is overcome with pride and LOVE?

On Sunday, I learned for myself that I believe that to be true.  And that LOVE, more than any other emotion will help me to become more like Him.  If I can develop more LOVE, then other good virtues will develop.  Patience, tolerance, charity, compassion.  They'll come, if I can refine my skills of LOVE.

And so, I move forward, with more love in my heart.  Trying to crowd out the impatience, the irritation, the disappointment, the negative vibes that tend to overtake me when left unchecked.  Love is the answer.  Love is the key.  "Love is really all you need"

And to anyone who actually read through the entire post - I love you!


Stace said...

mlis, you really are one of the most awesome women i've had the pleasure to meet! your blog is one of my favorites to read and i LOVED this post. though i've had many a struggle with church, i've never doubted that the gospel revolves around love. thanks for sharing some of your insight!

Cherie said...

I read every word and I whole heartedly agree! LOVE is powerful stuff! What do they say is Relief Society - Charity NEVER faileth" and charity = love. Christ himself gave the commandment "Love One Another" heck we even sing about it but do we remember it when times get tough, when someone offends us, or when our brother doesn't agree with our politics (lol a little personal ha ha).
Seriously great post and great topic to ponder.
I'm so glad you have your granddaughter - what a beautiful blessing!

Wonder Woman said...

I love you, too, Melissa!! I sit here with my daughter that might not have been and tears in my eyes.

It all comes back to love. Love love LOVE.

Suzie said...

Great thoughts here and you expressed them well.
What a loved & blessed little Sissy you have.

I agree wholeheartedly and try to remember that daily.
Love for others, Light for me.
2 things I strive for daily.

glittersmama said...

Thank you for this post. I have lots of thoughts flying around in my head after reading this, but I've been sucking at pinning them down lately--especially with any kind of cohesion. So just thank you.

Merri Ann said...

This is just what I needed today. Thanks for taking the time to put this in words. I've actually been finding myself being short with my kiddos because I'm so upset about the situation our country is in right now ...

And, like the comment before me .... "just thank you"

tammy said...

I love this post.
I love that you're there for Sissy and that you really seem to genuinely love accept everyone around you without judging.
I love you.

Sher said...

You are amazing.
Sissy is lucky to have a loving grandma like you, because I think a lot of babies born in her situation don't have that.

Erin said...

Love is definitely the most important part of life. It is evident how much you love her, and I'm glad you are in her life (and that she is in yours too)!

DeNae said...

I love that Cherie mentioned the phrase "Charity never faileth". In the middle east, when a well goes dry, it's said to have "failed", and that's what that scripture means. When you consider that in that part of the world, a "failed" well could mean famine and death, then an image of a source of life that never fails would be pretty powerful.

And I think that's what you're saying here: When it comes down to it, all we really can do is love, love, love. But that is when we are at our most Divine.

Beautifully written, Melissa. And I read - savored - every word.

Pedaling said...

once again....Melissa has it figured out---i learn and grow from the posts like this that you share..
thank you.

Plain Jame said...

All you need is love!!!
I wuv you too!

Lara said...

This was amazing. Love is amazing. Love changes everything, it really does.

Sue said...

love wins..love always wins

love your honesty and perception.

This I know for sure..The people in all our circles are there because God knows we can help, love and nurture them in some way..

You are doing a great job.

Patricia said...

This is such a great post and I love you too. I feel the same way you do about my grandkids. I don't know what kind of person they will turn out to be but they will be loved.