Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Twilight Series - My Official Review

New Moon
Breaking Dawn

Yes, four books in the series. Four LONG books. The genre? Fantasy and romance. I think. Maybe some sci-fi in there?

I was issued a challenge by Sharks BFF Nicole. I was bagging on the books, calling them all stupid and she told me she would pay me a $100.00 if I would just read the series.
I debated. I really had no interest, but hey, a hunert bucks is a hunert bucks for crying out loud.

It was a challenge. I RARELY back down from a challenge. Just.too.competitive. I bet you didn't know that about me did you? Competitive enough to take the challenge and to be fair and open minded about it.

To begin with let me state for the record: I hate fantasy, and I hate cheesy romance (which is basically all romance). I prefer biography's. Factual stories. No fiction. Which as a side note, I wonder why that is? Me, of all people, would desperately want to escape reality, but instead I prefer to read REAL things. Maybe that is why I enjoy blogs. But it digress......

I knew going into the challenge that it would be hard. It would be hard for me to set aside reality and let myself immerse in the fantasy. Allow myself to be open minded and read it for what it was.

Okay, all declarations done. And instead of going book by book, I am going to review the series as a whole with a few specific notes.


The end.

Okay, not really the end.

Let's discuss.
REALLY? I mean REALLY? Vampires? C'MON! Werewolves? Oh, I'm sorry, they are SHAPE SHIFTERS. Dumb, dumb, and dumber.

Bella? I hate her. I found nothing about her to respect or like. She is whiny and inconsistent. At one moment, she is saying she doesn't want to be "one of THOSE girls" who marry right out of high school, and in the next breath she is begging to be made a vampire. She is more than willing to make out all the time and even offers herself for some nuky nuk, but doesn't want to get married? What about all the time she is clearly leading on Jacob? Really skank-eroo, you clearly had your feelings confused for him but you knew what you were doing to him too. UGH. By book four, and reading about her attempt to save her daughter, I still was extremely disappointed in her. It was clearly more important that she be with Edward FOREVER. Sure she made sure that Renesmee (stupid name BTW) was going to be safe, but her heart was truly and completely with Edward. What kind of mother is that? I find her a terrible role model for girls and if I had a 12- 16 year old daughter, I would be disappointed if she wanted to get on this craze of the series. To my YW - no, no and more no!!!

Edward? Ummmmmm.......not really sure what to say about him, other than I sure don't get the lovefest for him. Sure he is attempting to be some sort of gentleman in his demands to marry her first, but then the night before, he goes to her room for some practice? What about when he offers to SHARE Bella with Jacob. Huh? And seriously, what kind of dude REALLY has the self control that he seemed to have for 3 entire books? He sits in her room every night watching her sleep and he tries nothing? Haven't heard of that before in any kind of man. By book four, I really kind of was completely OVER him. And the actor they have playing him in the movies? Doesn't seem to be the kind of Edward I would have imagined. Lose the freakin lipstick!

Jacob - Likeable. More likeable than any other character in the book (other than Carlisle). However, he reminded me of a puppy who keeps getting kicked and then coming back for more. I wished he had more backbone. But that being said, I found him the character that I was cheering for the most and hoped for his happiness the most.

The rest of the characters we'll just kind of lump together. None of them drew me to them in a sympathetic manner at all. Not likeable. Some kind of bugged each time they entered the story, others just seemed to be sidebars to keep some sort of dialogue going, and others just downright IRRITATED me. Like Charlie. Me no likey the Charlie. Alice had me for most of the series, but then by book 4, she lost me.

Overall the story? For a fantasy, I suppose it was well done. I don't have a lot to compare with since, as mentioned before, it's not my genre. I had a problem with a wolf imprinting on a baby. That was sick and WRONG. Yet, I will admit when Jacob imprinted on Renesmee, it made more sense to me. That seemed to wrap all that up for me with he and Bella's feelings for each other.
I will say that the final book seemed so utterly outlandish that I pretty much laughed and scoffed my way through it. The wedding seemed to have been skimmed over. The honeymoon seemed more full of anger from Edward than romantic and love filled. And the final fight scene? A dud. A fizzle. Nada, nothing, zip.

So there you have it. I did it. I read all four books. Yes, I did find myself getting sucked into the story and vested into seeing how it all ended. I tried hard to set aside reality and enjoy the fantasy, but it just seemed so silly. I think I have a hard time when reality is mixed in with the fantasy. For example, if she had them all on a vampire planet with vampire whatever's......and not in the real world I might have been able to accept it fully as a fantasy. Instead when you mix real people with non-real people, I just had a hard time with it.

But I will concede, I totally get why people love it. I do. It's a great love story. It all ends happily ever after. Everybody gets what they wanted. It all wraps up in a nice tight bow. I really understand why young women go crazy for it. It is clearly written for them and I also see why adult women love it as well. It's a romantic fantasy that you can easily lose yourself in. I'm just not one of those women.

So Nicole, I did it. I completed the challenge. On one hand, I would like to say I want all those hours of reading back. On the other, I now can say I've read it, I get the reason for all the hooly-roo about it, but for me, no. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I will even let you off the hook for the $100.00, but if you feel like you still need to pony up, please donate it to the JDRF for the Shark's big rides next year.

And Nicole, thanks for making me do it. Thanks for making me step outside of my comfort zone. Thanks for the opportunity to just read. Read words. Read a story. Exercise my mind. Thanks for reminding me exactly why I hate fantasy and romance. And finally, I thank you and love you for issuing the challenge.

The. End.


tiburon said...

I can totally see everything you are saying. And I get it.

I was a HUGE fan of the series until Breaking Wind came out - then she lost me.

She blew it.

That book sucked ass.

And I can't even tell you how much I love you for wanting to donate your hunert to the JDRF Ride. I want to make out with you. Bad.

Jewls said...

I hate how all of her books have the potential for a really awesome conflict and then she always blew it...so anti-climactic. That being said, I'm a Jacob fan until the weird imprinting thing...ugh, the 4th book ruined it all.

P.S. I don't think these books are teenage appropriate...

Kristina P. said...

I stopped after the first two. I had ZERO desire to read after that.

I did read detailed summaries of the last two, and I'm not joking when I said that I thought that the last book was a joke. I thought I was reading a joke plot line. Nope. It was real.

Martha H. said...

You are a trooper.

It felt to me like the last book was written by a completely different author. I was not happy with it. Nope. Not one bit.

Renesme?? Seriously??? What kind of a stupid name is that??? Why not name her Carlie after Charlie and Carlisle? Dumb, dumb, dumb!

CountessLaurie said...

Yeah. I loved it. I really really loved it. I read it more than once.

But, then, it's totally my thing.

Jillybean said...

I haven't read any of these books, and I have no desire to read them.
You have convinced me that I have made the right decision.

MaeRae said...

M-Cat, can I just tell you that if ever I were to meet you IRL I would hug you and squeeze you and call you george!

The only thing I need to overcome is your like for the skankees. Then I could kick out your new neighbors and move right in!

Stace said...

i totally see your point - and i admire your perseverance! i have only read each book once, but i made the mistake of buying them, rather than borrowing them. being a single gal, i have totally (embarrassedly so) adopted a love for edward. i will reiterate (in front of god and everyone else) I AM NOT LOOKING FOR MY EDWARD. i refuse to adopt that mantra....

that being said, i am not settling. but i also won't get into the embarrassment that is my personal life right now.

glad you caved - and also glad you gave an honest review.

tammy said...

Renesmee - totally stupid name.

I did like the books, but they won't go down as the greatest books of all time. And I agree that some stuff was just weird.

Good for you for finishing them even though you hated them.

Pedaling said...

FINALLY - a true review on this series.
It. Sucked.
The. End.
applause, applause, applause....
you earned that $100 bucks sista,
now make that shark deliver....and not for donation purposes either...
something along the lines of maybe a gift certificate to barnes and noble to buy yourself 4 real books!:)
shark....breaking wind? haha - not the real name, right?
i read only the first
then saw the movie- ridiculous
like you said: the edward in the book did not match the edward in the movie.
way to go m-cat!

amberjulieann said...

Ha ha I read the first book, and I felt like it was stupid. But wow, now I feel like I should read the rest just so that I can tell everyone that it is REALLY stupid. But, I probably shouldn't waste my time. Thanks for doing the reading for me. ;)

Plain Jame said...

I read all 4. Liked them ok.

So whatcha gonna read next?

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

Aw Man! Do I really have to be the only one here who loved the books? And they arent what I normally read either. But they sucked me in and I overlooked the cheesy parts. Oh..and I am totally Team Jacob.

Now I will slink back to my corner and wait for the other pro-twilighters to show up.

Erin said...

I liked your review. I really liked book #1, because it was so unexpected (and different from what I usually read). The others were just so-so.

kado! said...

have not read them...have not wanted to...and you just summed it all up! thanks...awesome post!

I can't wait until people get over this fad!

Anonymous said...

Sorry. Have to disagree with almost everybody here. I really liked them and I'm not a fantasy book reader/lover either. I was really skeptical but it kinda "took me away" from all the mundane things I do every. single. day. Different strokes for different folks.


Finally...... I only read the first and could not see what all the hype was about. Hated it, and didn't bother to finish them.Spend that Moola on something super fun, you earned it!

dropped by from peddaling

Krista said...

read the first and no one could pay me a $100 to get through 2 more or however many there are. haven't even seen the first movie yet?! am i gonna be burned at the stake for that?

Cherie said...

OK first let me say once again...You Rock! You the woman!!
I have not even had a minute to write or read blogs for like a week. I was cruising my google reader for 5 minutes and
YOU win! You get my one and only blog comment this week!
Now I know that you know how crazy I am about all this crap but I know not everyone likes it and I totally get that.
But you my friend have moved up the ladder in my eyes because you actually read ALL 4 Books before you said they sucked! I love ya for that!!!
PS I do have to say Renesme Totally IS the stupidest name evah!!!!!

Suzie said...

You are officially awesome.

glittersmama said...


I was beginning to think I was alone in the world with my opinion of the books.

Becca said...

I'm going to be laughing about this all day. Between the first movie and the fourth book it's enough to push anyone over the edge. Great review!

Sher said...

At least now you have a basis for your opinion and can say you suffered through it.
I kep thinking to myself while I was reading the books,"This is so stupid, why can't I stop?"

That said, I will still probably see all the movies.

wendy said...

WOW, you are very brave girl. Taking on such a strong opposition to the Vampire Stance of most everyone out there. Do you fear for your life --your blood??
My daughter and DIL's love it. In fact my grand daughter said I should name my 2 new ponies Twighlight and New Moon.
I read the books, thought they were ok but Breaking Dawn drove me nuts with the whole "having my baby" thing which was a little weird.
but I love fantasy, I love romance, and I LOVE TRUE stories.

and besides, Edward I always thought had to be gay. What guy is that perfect and not gay??
I was always more of a Jacob fan.

take care my friend. Watch your neck.
and merry Christmas

Omgirl said...

hahaha! I loved it when you said, "It sucked. The end."

But I am glad you read them, just so now you know.

Shawn said...

Oh---I think that I love you more than ever now!! Yay---someone else that is perplexed by this sick phenomenon---what the? I tried to start reading the first book, but couldn't handle the bad writing---thought that it was dumb, dumb and dumber!!

And for the record---could they have picked any more ugly and unattractive actors to play these two boys? Ugh---lets move on to something refreshing, shall we?

Like maybe the classics?

Kelly said...

okay, I know you don't know me, but I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for hating these books; for being one of the few who realizes that Bella is an indecisive, flaky tramp, Edward is a stalker, and Jacob is a hormonal teenager. The repetitiveness of "He is the most beautiful non-human I've ever seen/I get weak and shaky around him/I want to spend FOREVER with him/I can't live without you/blahblahblah.....? Please, someone just throw it on the 'death of freedom of the press' pyre. I was a History major, so the non-fiction goes for me as well. However, fantasy can get better, trust me. I've not read much (only one or two series actually), but 'better' is out there. C.S. Lewis comes to mind-a professor of English at Oxford though he always wanted to teach philosophy. Needless to say, even his children's series gives you something to think about, if you are so inclined as to do something like 'think.' Which, apparently is not a huge priority considering the popularity of the Tweeny-bopper soap opera. So, again, thank you.

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AS Amber said...

Denise: Wanna go to lunch? I need a new friend. Since I don't know if M and I are gonna make it through this.

I. Loved. Them. I read them all twice. I love Edward. I think Jacob needs to run along. The name of the baby is lame. I will go to my grave swearing that I am a Twilight LOVER!!! Or maybe, just maybe...I won't. Maybe I, too, will be bitten by a delicious, sexy, hunk of a vampire and live forever.

Of course I'm kidding!!! We can still totally be friends.

Deadly serious about the rest, though.


A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

Anti-climactic? Absolutely. Edward? Strangely alluring until he was cast. Bella? Spends too much time in her head having her own conversations.

No. Action.

Not really a fantasy genre gal but I picked up Hunger Games. Liked it a lot. Read book 2 - Catching Fire. Loved it. Then the devastation. Book 3 comes out in September. Strong female role model with no magical powers who is powerful, anyway. Of course, there's a love triangle but it's not as pronounced.

Molokai - Historical Fiction. 3/5
Children of the Promise (do you see a theme?) - All 5 (yes 5) books: 5/5

Tuesdays with Morrie 4.5/5

Have a Little Faith. Did you read Tuesday with Morrie? Pretty much a repeat.

And for a shout out to you - New Moon: Snore. Oh, I'm sorry, was I talking?

Thank you for asking this humble stranger who apparently hijacks blogs to share her oh-so-important opinion.

Anonymous said...

I know it took a lot for you to get through it. I know it took every fiber of your being to finish reading them, and for that I thank you. I know they're not everyone's cup of tea, really, I know that. But I also can respect your hatred for them now more than before. You're coming from a place of experiencing them, rather then just listening to others make idiots out of themselves. You've read them, you hated them. It's not like you haven't read them, have no idea what they're all about, but hate them anyway.

I love that you read them, and I love even more that you want your "bonus" to go to the JDRF. Your wish is my command!!

Thanks Melissa!!!

<3 Nicole

Trevor, Brianna, Alivia, and Tayvree Hansen said...

I hated a book once and I spit on it and threw it with all my anger-filled energy into the dumpster.

That's what I did with the book I hated........

It was very very THERAPEAUTIC!!!!! :-)