The Twilight Series - My Official Review

Twilight
New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn

Yes, four books in the series. Four LONG books. The genre? Fantasy and romance. I think. Maybe some sci-fi in there?

I was issued a challenge by Sharks BFF Nicole. I was bagging on the books, calling them all stupid and she told me she would pay me a $100.00 if I would just read the series.
I debated. I really had no interest, but hey, a hunert bucks is a hunert bucks for crying out loud.

It was a challenge. I RARELY back down from a challenge. Just.too.competitive. I bet you didn't know that about me did you? Competitive enough to take the challenge and to be fair and open minded about it.

To begin with let me state for the record: I hate fantasy, and I hate cheesy romance (which is basically all romance). I prefer biography's. Factual stories. No fiction. Which as a side note, I wonder why that is? Me, of all people, would desperately want to escape reality, but instead I prefer to read REAL things. Maybe that is why I enjoy blogs. But it digress......

I knew going into the challenge that it would be hard. It would be hard for me to set aside reality and let myself immerse in the fantasy. Allow myself to be open minded and read it for what it was.

Okay, all declarations done. And instead of going book by book, I am going to review the series as a whole with a few specific notes.

IT.SUCKED.

The end.








Okay, not really the end.

Let's discuss.
REALLY? I mean REALLY? Vampires? C'MON! Werewolves? Oh, I'm sorry, they are SHAPE SHIFTERS. Dumb, dumb, and dumber.

Bella? I hate her. I found nothing about her to respect or like. She is whiny and inconsistent. At one moment, she is saying she doesn't want to be "one of THOSE girls" who marry right out of high school, and in the next breath she is begging to be made a vampire. She is more than willing to make out all the time and even offers herself for some nuky nuk, but doesn't want to get married? What about all the time she is clearly leading on Jacob? Really skank-eroo, you clearly had your feelings confused for him but you knew what you were doing to him too. UGH. By book four, and reading about her attempt to save her daughter, I still was extremely disappointed in her. It was clearly more important that she be with Edward FOREVER. Sure she made sure that Renesmee (stupid name BTW) was going to be safe, but her heart was truly and completely with Edward. What kind of mother is that? I find her a terrible role model for girls and if I had a 12- 16 year old daughter, I would be disappointed if she wanted to get on this craze of the series. To my YW - no, no and more no!!!

Edward? Ummmmmm.......not really sure what to say about him, other than I sure don't get the lovefest for him. Sure he is attempting to be some sort of gentleman in his demands to marry her first, but then the night before, he goes to her room for some practice? What about when he offers to SHARE Bella with Jacob. Huh? And seriously, what kind of dude REALLY has the self control that he seemed to have for 3 entire books? He sits in her room every night watching her sleep and he tries nothing? Haven't heard of that before in any kind of man. By book four, I really kind of was completely OVER him. And the actor they have playing him in the movies? Doesn't seem to be the kind of Edward I would have imagined. Lose the freakin lipstick!

Jacob - Likeable. More likeable than any other character in the book (other than Carlisle). However, he reminded me of a puppy who keeps getting kicked and then coming back for more. I wished he had more backbone. But that being said, I found him the character that I was cheering for the most and hoped for his happiness the most.

The rest of the characters we'll just kind of lump together. None of them drew me to them in a sympathetic manner at all. Not likeable. Some kind of bugged each time they entered the story, others just seemed to be sidebars to keep some sort of dialogue going, and others just downright IRRITATED me. Like Charlie. Me no likey the Charlie. Alice had me for most of the series, but then by book 4, she lost me.

Overall the story? For a fantasy, I suppose it was well done. I don't have a lot to compare with since, as mentioned before, it's not my genre. I had a problem with a wolf imprinting on a baby. That was sick and WRONG. Yet, I will admit when Jacob imprinted on Renesmee, it made more sense to me. That seemed to wrap all that up for me with he and Bella's feelings for each other.
I will say that the final book seemed so utterly outlandish that I pretty much laughed and scoffed my way through it. The wedding seemed to have been skimmed over. The honeymoon seemed more full of anger from Edward than romantic and love filled. And the final fight scene? A dud. A fizzle. Nada, nothing, zip.

So there you have it. I did it. I read all four books. Yes, I did find myself getting sucked into the story and vested into seeing how it all ended. I tried hard to set aside reality and enjoy the fantasy, but it just seemed so silly. I think I have a hard time when reality is mixed in with the fantasy. For example, if she had them all on a vampire planet with vampire whatever's......and not in the real world I might have been able to accept it fully as a fantasy. Instead when you mix real people with non-real people, I just had a hard time with it.

But I will concede, I totally get why people love it. I do. It's a great love story. It all ends happily ever after. Everybody gets what they wanted. It all wraps up in a nice tight bow. I really understand why young women go crazy for it. It is clearly written for them and I also see why adult women love it as well. It's a romantic fantasy that you can easily lose yourself in. I'm just not one of those women.

So Nicole, I did it. I completed the challenge. On one hand, I would like to say I want all those hours of reading back. On the other, I now can say I've read it, I get the reason for all the hooly-roo about it, but for me, no. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I will even let you off the hook for the $100.00, but if you feel like you still need to pony up, please donate it to the JDRF for the Shark's big rides next year.

And Nicole, thanks for making me do it. Thanks for making me step outside of my comfort zone. Thanks for the opportunity to just read. Read words. Read a story. Exercise my mind. Thanks for reminding me exactly why I hate fantasy and romance. And finally, I thank you and love you for issuing the challenge.

The. End.