Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day - Post mortem

Everyone else is doing it on their blog today, and since I easily give in to peer pressure, I figured I would do the obligatory post mortem of Mother's day.

First off - let the record state (you'd be proud of me JennyMac for my lawyery words)
I had a FANTASTIC Mother's day and in fact weekend.  FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC!!

Splenda has never let me down.  He has always made sure that his Mom is honored, that I am honored and that my sons at least acknowledge me. : )   I've no complaint there my friends.  I really did marry the Ken to my Barbie (even though I'm not really barbie-esque)  And really, the boys have ALWAYS made the day special for me.  I am certainly not ever going to complain about how I am treated on Mother's day.  I am a friggin QUEEN!

So what of Mother's day then anyway?  Saturday, we did our Race for the Cure.  We saw Ironman2.  We went to the Jazz game.  All were so much fun and I loved being with my boys even though, I don't think I saw Tuffy at all that day.

Sunday was delightful.  I slept in.  I think I made it to 6:30.  Which, in every day life, is totally sleeping in. 
I read blogs, I created posts, I read the paper, I did my 4 crossword puzzles that had stacked up.  I snuggled in bed.  I drank a Monster.  I ate a doughnut for breakfast.

And then.

It's time to go to church.

Let the record further state:  I hate church on Mother's day.
I have from the time I WAS FIRST a mother.  I can't stand all that stupid, cheesy crap!  I know.  I'm totally going to hell for it.  But really, I do.  When my kids were younger, I would sit and listen and then beat the sh** out of myself because I was such a crappy mom who wasn't any of the things that they talked about.

While a speaker raved about sewing skills, and being at home with cookies after school, and special homework projects, and helping with piano and reading scriptures and family home evening.....all I would think about is how I yelled loud enough at my boys as we left for church to have burst a blood vessel in my left eye.  And wondering if he would still "learn his lesson" if I smacked him again once we got home.

As another speaker might honor his/her mother with lovely poems including sunshine, butterfly kisses and unicorns pooping rainbows, I was strangling myself because my house was messy, my laundry undone, the kids rooms were disasters, and there was some sort of smell coming from the disposal I couldn't figure out.

Maybe one year a grown adult Mother would talk about her joys of Motherhood.  The rich blessings it brought into her life.  All the cute things her kids said.  How well behaved they were at home, school and during meetings.  She would verbally wonder what she had ever done to deserve the precious angels she had.  How smart, and obedient, and service oriented the little darlings were. 
I would stare out the window, ignoring the ruckus the boys were making and secretly wish I could go home and drown my sorrows in liquor. 

Don't get me started on the DH's that would get a chance to speak about how wonderful their wives were.  How perfectly patient, helpful, loving and kind they all were.  They served in their church callings, worked at the school, kept the house immaculate, taught piano to their children, and still managed to make sure their husband's needs were all met.
I would laugh under my breath, think about what Splenda might be doing at work that day, and then steal more treats from my kids treat bag.

You see..... I never once measured up to all those wonderful things that get spouted at the pulpit every Mother's day at church.  Nope.  Never.  There were some years, that I was so convinced I was an utter failure, that I wouldn't even GO to church that week.  It was too much to take.

This year was different.  I could sit through it and not want to throw up.  I actually enjoyed the young men who spoke so beautifully of their Mom's.  I loved the little primary kids going up on stage to sing to their mommy's.  I even enjoyed the DH who spoke such kind things about his wife.

What happened?  What changed?

I did.  I grew up. 

I never learned to sew, I don't play piano, can't even help with homework, and we all know my lack of cooking a decent meal.  I worked full time and juggled the duties of Mom, I wasn't always at the crossroads. 
My sons did not all learn music, earn their Eagle Scouts or their Duty to God awards.  Not all have served missions in the church or even still attend church.

But -

I love my boys and they know it.  They know I would give my very life for them even if I was calling them a dumbass at the same time.  I would die on the sword for them.  They know it.  And I know they know it.
That is enough for me.
They are smart, funny, responsible men.  They are kind to me, respect me and look out for me.  Their father has taught them the value of women in their lives and they follow his lead.
They laugh with me, cry with me, and sometimes, just come and lay down by me.  If for no other reason than to just be in the same room next to each other.
They are my best friends.

My gifts were simple, from the heart and the cards and love notes are special enough to me, that they ain't going on the blog.  They are staying in my secret drawer.  That's just for me.  
I am their Momma.  I am loved.  That is enough to know that I did alright.

So Mother's Day?  Meh - I think I can handle you now. 


GRAMEE said...

you made me feel so much better.(.but i can cook).. i better wash some towels so grumpy doesn't have to dry himself with a hand towel tonight. I Love you!!

tammy said...

I love this post. I have to admit, I was not sad at all to be out of town for church on Mother's Day. No guilt felt, no puking at certain talks, no crying. It was good. Next year maybe I'll try growing up like you. But only if I can't be out of town again for it. That is my first choice.

Garden of Egan said...

Well Em, you did better than me. I ended up in a puddle as soon as the closing prayer was said in RS. Out the door and in the car as fast as I could.
I'm still beating myself up.

I'm so glad you could put into words what I felt.

I'm showing this post to my DH, maybe he'll get it that I'm not the only one "out there".
(I honestly begged a couple of nurses to let me work their shift so I wouldn't have to go. Sad that I'd rather deal with blood and vomit rather than go to a Mothers Day program)

DeNae said...

Well said, MC! You're awesome!

tiburon said...

Very nice. You ARE loved. By lots of people. Because you are awesome :)

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Seriously M-Cat, best post EVER!
You totally speak my language! I don't sew or have a clean house. And I certainly don't have freshly baked cookies because I tend to eat all the chocolate chips before they ever make it to the dough. I spend most of my Sundays in the hallway or chasing down runaway children.
Love you!!!

Jenny said...

Thank-you so very very much for this bit of reality. I had a melt down Sunday morning, but you won't be reading about that on my blog. As I did not journal it, as I should have.I was suppose to sub for some one in primary, but backed out 2 hours before church because I just could not go! I am sure I will grow up one of these days.

CountessLaurie said...

Well said! I hope lots more mothers learn this sooner rather than later... I say, go ahead and judge me if it makes you feel better, but I am not perfect. My house is a mess but my kids are loved. You can't eat off my floor because I am too busy playing with my kids. And they love me. And in the end, that is all that matters.

(wow, I am defensive this morning...)

Wonder Woman said...

Maybe something's wrong with me -- I have never been guilt-prone. Even at the description of a perfect mother who put off carpal tunnel surgery for YEARS till her large family could get by without her hands for a few weeks. I just wondered if I would do the same. Honestly, I missed most of the talks because my children were all over me.

This was a great post, Melissa. I'm glad that you grew up a bit. You are a great mom, who does a LOT for her kids.

Braden said...

One of the best posts I've read on Mother's Day. Great job.

Pedaling said...

true the true.
the quicker learned the better.
i think it's just as bad to feel crappy about ourselves on days like this as it is to feel superior on days like this.
does that makes sense?
another example i've been thinking about lately;
it's just as bad to take credit for our children's good choices and feel as though as a mom, we got it goin' on -
as it is to
feel like a failure for our kids bad choices.
anyway, i'm rambling again.
great post!


Our ward skipped the Mothers Day talks and our speakers spoke on reverence, how refeshing....I am a Mom and I have a Mother who I adore. My life is not perfect and neither was my Moms. She did her best, just like I am trying to do mine.I believe that is what our Savior asks of us, our best and he will gladly make up the difference. I am so glad because I could not do this Mommy gig on my own.
Great post!

Natalie said...

This is my favorite post ever! It is soooo easy to beat ourselves up against all of the perfect Mormon moms. You said what every REAL mom thinks. I got sick of the whole "perfect" mom thing when Jake was just a baby. I decided I would do the best I can...and that was enough. And my best is pretty crappy some days. Derek just about got kicked out of Primary on Mother's Day this year haha. You are one of my examples of what a true mom who loves her kids unconditionally is!!!

kado! said...

you know what I think about at least one time every Mother's Day...that I wish I could get the free flower they used to always hand out on Mother's Day at church...I guess that is one of the Member-perks I threw away when i quit.

like you always write it perfectly! love you!

Scrappy Girl said...

The month of May is sucking all the stuffings out of me. I don't measure up to all those things and right now I am drowning in a sea of dirty underpants. I can't wait til June.

Patricia said...

All I can say is wonderful post and I love you too.


Gloria (The Mamafamilias) said...

I've just now been able to read this post, but if it would have made you feel any better back then, I was staying home from church on Mother's Day too if I could. I hated it. All I could ever think about was everything I've done wrong as a mother AND as a daughter (I'm not content to feel guilty over just one thing), so I would sit there and feel like a failure through all the talks if I did go. But like you, I've finally been able to go the last few years (mostly because I'm the Primary Chorister now so I HAVE to be there for the kiddies to sing to their moms). The kiddo came with me this year (me and my girls are all in different wards) and we tend to get tickled over who-knows-what in church sometimes (which is probably why the Lord saw to it we're in different wards), so I was able to live through it this year. As a matter of fact, the kiddo made reference to my distaste of Mother's Day on her post for that day. She's a good kid.

And just for the record, I don't like Father's Day either.

But I am learning to make peace with those two holidays.

Thanks for posting this. I'm glad to know I wasn't alone in this.