Mother's Day Gift Ideas

for me. 

Ahem!  Attention Splenda, 'dawg, Luka and Tuffy:
 The following are all acceptable gifts to bestow upon me, your beloved mother (or mother of your spawn or grandmother to your offspring) on the upcoming day in which we pause to celebrate motherhood and all it's glorious rapture.

Should you need further clarification on any items, please do feel free to ask me.  I'm not much concerned with being surprised.  And note:  they are not listed necessarily in preference order.

1. I would like my concealed weapons permit. Remember how RIGHT after I had the stress fracture I did the training? I did. On crutches even.  And I actually proved I can hit the target 50% of the time. I just haven't had the money to send in my paperwork and get my special card that says I am legal to pack some heat. Now, I don't like to pressure you boys too much, so I'll hold off asking for my little pink piece until my birthday.

2.  A case of Low-Carb Monsters.  Or two.

I think you can get them fairly cheap at Costco.  Check with the Shark, she'll know for sure.  And since they will be so cheap, can you throw in a pair of levi's? I kinda think I should have more than just one pair.  Just saying...

3.  A 104 unit tanning pass.  Before you scratch this off your list, just remember.  I'm gonna go tanning anyway, might as well get the best deal possible right?  And I am doing CONTROLLED sun exposure.  CONTROLLED, I say.

4.  New workout clothes.  I've not purchased anything new in about a year, and they smell like it.  'Nuff said.

5.  Jordan de-barked.  Now consider this a family gift if you must, but I am willing to sacrifice and use up a mother's day for a family gift.  I don't need to explain any further, but I did my research and I think we'll all be happier if she barks softly.  Like a whisper.  And maybe we could get her teeth cleaned too at the same time.  I try with the toothbrush but we all understand about her breath...right?

6.  A tummy tuck.  Sure, this is a little on the pricey side, but remember our motto?  Go big or go home?  I just can't make this pouch that you three BOYS gave me go away.  No matter how many sit ups or core exercises I do.  Consider it a debt you owe me. 

7.  A day at the spa for a two hour massage and a spa pedicure.  I can't afford my nails anymore, I've come to terms with that, but I sure would like the knot worked out of my neck and my piggies prettied up.  And while I'm out, could the laundry/storage room get de-junked and organized?  One rule on this one.  Splenda can't help with the cleaning part.  I don't want him breathing the dust.  But he can manage the organization.

8.  Hardwood floors.  I realize another big request.  But, I am SO over carpeting.  It's old school.  And again, could be considered a family gift.

9.  Another sweet pair of go-fasters.  I would like to rotate 3 pair instead of the 2.  It's easier on the 2 a days that I do.

10.  A beautiful Sunday with my family all around me.   A nice dinner, maybe a nap, a movie in the evening together and lot's of smiling faces full of love. If you can throw in butterfly kisses, and unicorns pooping rainbows, the day would be perfect.

So there you are fam! I know it's hard to shop for me.  I know I am a hard one to pick something out for, so I just thought I would give you lot's of options and make things easier for you.

Lovingly,
 Your mother/wife/mimi