Thursday, May 28, 2009

Today's Top 10 List

A new segment that I may or may not be utilizing frequently.
Today's installment?


The Top 10 reasons that the Giggler is a Hoochie Mama.

10.She will do anything for money (and I do mean anything)
9. She has been banned from several single's wards (don't tell her bishop)
8. She back combs her hair to poof it up (big hair - 'nuff said)
7. She has a trainer named Thomas (tank engine anyone?)
6. She orders a small salad at Cafe Rio (and she doesn't even finish it all - that alone makes one hate her)
5. She refuses to discuss Brazil. Ever. (Bad 70's movie star)
4. She carries around a leg lamp, complete with fishnet stockings (everywhere)
3. She has an amazing set of purchased twins (and yes, they are SPECTACULAR)
2. She wears black mascara AND black glitter eyeliner (a sure sign)
and the number one reason?

1. She wears red toenail polish (we all know about girls who wear hooker red right?)

Just take a look at this hoocherific wonder....


now remember, we are still trying to find her a man. Get on it friends! And if you are trying to hoochie-up yourself a bit, she's willing to teach lessons!

**Disclaimer - this was all in fun. Really. Please don't put any comments about me being mean. Besides, every one of them is true, except for maybe number 9.

12 comments:

Martha H. said...

And how do you know that #9 isn't true?

The twins are pretty spectacular, I must admit.

I still don't see what the big deal is with wearing black mascara or black glitter eyeliner.

When I was little, my mom would NEVER let me wear red finger nail polish because only hookers wore red polish. I love red polish!
Must mean I'm a hooker then. ;)

tiburon said...

Look at that rack!!!

Hell - after that - *I* want to date her.

rychelle said...

i was hoping to get the deets on #9....

and red toes are hot. my favorite polish is "not really a waitress" by OPI. it's red hot.

Sher said...

Nice boob shot.
I need to buy me some of those.

Martha's BFF Michelle said...

This list is awesome! Great Job! If people only new the real Martha? Hmmmmm....
I too am a slut, so it is perfect that she is my bff!

Millions of Exaggerations said...

I think its time that I came out. I am in love with Martha. There. I feel better. I'm not at the point of making dolls out of her hair but let's just say that hairbrushes should not be left unattended. If you were to ask if i make models of the twins in my mashed potatoes, I couldn't honestly answer no. That's normal, right?

Tanja said...

I so love Martha and I would totally try and hook the girl up if I lived anywhere near her!

Is there any truth to #9? Just curious?!

Vanessa said...

Hoocherific? You are always coming up w/some good ones Melissa!

Pedaling said...

and spankings too.....uhu,mmmmm

Jamie & Beck said...

Martha Martha Martha! Nothing in this list surprised me... I just wish she mentioned your red hooker shoes!

AS Amber said...

Who the hell orders a SMALL salad at Rio? I didn't even know such a thing existed!!! It's blasphemous, really.

K, for real. She needs to go out with my ex-husband. I've already told you he's not the best lookin' guy on earth, but he probably is the nicest. And he's a lot of fun. I'll email you the deets.

Cadance said...

HOW DID I MISS THIS ONE????!!!!

You two are TOO much fun! ...and yes I know of her hookerish ways...we stopped by a lingerie store for some hot pictures with Alegra after a bite to eat at a Mexican restaurant one night...Hot times!