You might have heard about this show? The Marriage Ref?
I haven't seen a ton of episodes but the ones I have watched are amusing. Couples submit an argument or problem that they are having. (not crisis - but small tiff's), a celebrity panel discusses and takes sides. Then the ref votes in favor of one or the other.
Splenda and I should prolly go on the show. But since that ain't gonna happen, I am appealing to you. All three of you that really read this blog and don't just click 'mark as read'
Let me preface. Splenda Daddy and I have been married 25 1/2 years. That's forever in this day and age. He is my ULTIMATE BFF. And I his. At least I like to think I'm his BFF. He doesn't hang around with anyone more than me. Or talk to anyone more than me, so yeah, I think I got being his BFF sealed.
Early in our marriage, it was obvious that I don't know how to cook. And even beyond that, I.don't.LIKE.to.cook. I also don't know very much about good grocery shopping, but - I'm getting ahead of myself.
With both of us working, we easily shared the chores or tasks at home. Once the kids came along and started school, I was the one to get them out the door. Fed, washed, and ready for school. I refused to join any car pools, so I also was their transportation. In exchange, Splenda Daddy became in charge of dinner. Worked out well since I suck at cooking. Splenda is good. Oh the bliss of never having to answer the question - "What's for dinner?" I would always say, "ask your Dad". Bliss indeed.
Worked well for many, many years. And as another plus in Splenda's column, he has been very strict about everyone sitting down at the table and eating dinner together. Didn't matter if you weren't hungry, you came, you sat, you interacted with the family. That is also when we have our daily family prayer. Again, it's really the only time we have everyone together. He has remained fast and true to this rule. A side note - we also fed whoever happened to be at the house any given evening. And if you were a friend hanging out, you came upstairs, you sat, you ate, you interacted. AFTER offering the prayer. The guest ALWAYS, was asked to pray. And they did. There may or may not have been many nights of giggling (GB) but prayers there were. And oh.....how I digress.......
So, the above plan worked well for lo these many past years. Until recently. Recently, we've faced some serious trials in the dinner department. See, here's the thing. Maybe this would work better if I give you my side first:
I prefer one large meal a day. I've kind of always been like that. And I prefer that my large meal of the day be at lunch. Usually OUT somewhere. But even if I eat in or at the cafeteria at the office or at my desk, I like it to be my big meal, and then no dinner. I'll snack a little in the evening or have a treat, but I'd rather skip dinner. It works well for my body. I prefer having eaten most of my calories early in the day but not so early that I'm starving again by dinner. Get it? There is a method to my madness, and I like it. So, in effect, I prefer to NOT eat dinner. Unless we go out. Then I prefer it very much. And if I know ahead of time, I save my calories for the day.
Next point: The boys (who are all now over the age of 18) are on a very different eating schedule than we are. Both tend to eat later in the day or have been grazing all day long and are usually not interested in dinner. Unless we go out.
Next point: None of us really like the same things. You all know my aversion to cheese. But I also don't particularly care for chicken (has to be a VERY subflavor). Not a fan of pork chops. Ground beef has to be browned into such small pieces that only I am allowed to brown it. Yes. I have food issues. Whereas Splenda sees food as a necessary thing to survive. Not necessarily to enjoy, but you eat so that you aren't hungry. Therefore, he is NOT picky. Not to say that he doesn't appreciate excellent food - he DOES. But his idea of a decent meal, and my idea of a decent meal are often worlds apart. The boys, well they are a whole OTHER set of food things. Luka is less picky than he was before his mission, and Tuffy is more like me. If it ain't worth the calories, then bag it. All three of us are more of snack(ers) than we are make a meal (ers). Thus, the poor grocery shopping on my part. Usually not allowed to go by myself. We end up with chips, poptarts, cookies, pudding, grab and go stuff.
Oh look what's happened, I've gotten off track again.
So you see, we have our Dad who wants nothing more than his beloved family surrounding him at the dinner table enjoying a meal and talking about our day. We have the boys who either aren't hungry. could care less about gathering, don't like what Daddy is fixing, or, most of the time, aren't even home. And then you have me who would rather skip the whole dinner thing (unless we are going out), and just have a light snack and call it good.
So wherein lies the contention? Splenda Daddy gets upset when he comes home and I tell him I'm not eating dinner, the boys tell him they are not eating dinner and he is starving and wants us all to sit down to a meal. He gets mad. He gets cranky. There may sometimes be some pot banging. Maybe.
I've tried to go his route. Skipping lunch to have dinner. But I find that by the time I get home, I am so starving that I do nothing but shovel food of ANY kind in my piehole. No good. I'm up 5 ellbees. This is not a good path.
I've tried to just go ahead and eat some dinner regardless if I ate already that day, just to keep the peace, but then again, there are those 5 ellbees. Danger.
I've tried to like what he wants to make. But we end up having to customize our dinners. (Enchiladas with nothing but the tortilla and sauce. Lasagne with nothing but the noodles and sauce) that I end up feeling bad and want to just avoid the whole thing. (He really is a saint isn't he?)
In Splenda's defense. How many husbands and fathers would
1. Willingly cook dinner
2. Desires to be surrounded by his family and talk?
Not many. So I feel like his points are valid and worthwhile. On the other hand, I desire no dinner. Noone getting mad about either. Just no dinner.
So, what's the happy medium? What's the solution? What's the compromise?
So go ahead you Marriage Ref's you! -
Give it to us straight - what's your answer?