Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I got nothin. Zip. Zilch. Nada

So instead I am posting an email that I got this morning from JR (private) that made me laugh.....  only cause all but one of them are true.  Which one isn't?


32 UNIVERSAL TRUTHS


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the crap are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Crap!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid " routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.**

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!


**For the record - #30 is a half truth.  We don't hate cyclists.  Ever.**

15 comments:

Wonder Woman said...

You're right -- they're all true! I don't hate cyclists, I hate feeling like I'm gonna accidentally kill them every time I pass. (Or kill myself by swerving into oncoming traffic.)

Particularly true: carrying 10 bags in each hand (hard with a carseat), being kind of tired ALL THE TIME, movies from when I was young.

Teachinfourth said...

Well, there are several of those I totally agree with.

Merri Ann said...

#14 means I will never buy it ... no time in my life right now for wimpy clothes.

#22 This is true for me ... it's a sickness ... you should have seen me with two kids in car seats and the diaper bags trying to get in the house in one trip.

And, then there's #16. I used to think that sucked until now ... Now I go out, thinking I look good and then someone sees my kids and says to me, "Your grandkids are soo cute" ...

Great list ... I totally agree with most of them

Missy said...

LOL! #8 and #10 are my favs!

tammy said...

Some of these have been my FB statuses.

Gloria (The Mamafamilias) said...

My daughter and I are cracking up here. I think I would pretty much have to agree with all of 'em. These are ding dang hilarious.

Cherie said...

These are great and I agree with most all of them - Love #7 but #12 I want to cry. I don't do Blu Ray for the same reasons so can we all just agree to not do Blu Ray AND anything else that comes after it?

Terri Ferran said...

I learned to get OUT of my neighborhood from MapQuest.

PLEASE don't change it now.

LaurieJ said...

I remember the first time I watched Sixteen Candles and Grease and everything started clicking! Holy crap, what was my mom thinking :-)

Jillybean said...

I think back to all those times that I was bored as a kid and wonder why in the heck I didn't just take a nap.

I would be much more sarcastic online if the sarcasm font existed.
It could be named "Sarcasma"

CountessLaurie said...

Laugh out loud funny and totally universal.

**And the cyclists in Massachusetts need to learn that the phrase is SHARE the road, not hog it completely...

Braden said...

Those are hilarious!

carma said...

so many truths - and absolute genius comment on Mapquest - it would save us all some ink cartridges to just start a few blocks away...

tiburon said...

It's a good thing you double starred #30. Cause I was about to go mant.

Sue said...

great post..
I haven't seen this one.
So very true