Friday, May 24, 2013

Star Trek Into Darkness - My Official Review

**warning - NO spoiler alerts here**

Splenda Daddy has been wanting to see this one since the first reviews.  Note:  He is VERY picky about what movies we actually go see in the theater.  I'm no trekkie, but hey - a date at the movies with popcorn, diet coke and Splenda?  Yeah, I'm game.   And really, I enjoyed the most recent one they came out with so I expected that I would like this one too.


So very, very wrong.

First off - remember I'm no trekkie so my opinion on the entire matter is pretty much useless.
Secondly - sci fi is NEVER my genre so....there's that.

I had been warned ahead of time that I would likely be swooning over Benedict Cumberbatch, and that there was some secret surprise in the film.  Okey doke - on the look out.

The first twenty minutes lost me.  Completely and totally lost me.  Dude!?!  Is this Indiana Jones in Avatar?  What the chicken?  At one point, I snuck a sidelong glance at Daddy to see if he was as amused as I was.  For the record, I did NOT openly snicker.  *pats self on the back*

And then it gets underway.......

Benedict Cumberbatch.  Let's discuss.
Meh.  Certainly not hard on the eyes, but I didn't feel like swooning nor faint at any time just looking at him.  And I even paid particular attention to his lips as I had been advised.  Nope.  Doesn't do it for me.  And in all honesty, I can't get past his unusual name.  It don't know, just odd.

Explosions.  There's a lot of them.  A LOT OF BLOWING UP STUFF!  Which normally I totally love, but this was different. It was all blowing up in space.  Whu? Double meh.

Characters.  The fact that I liked Spock and Scotty the mostest tells ya something.  After mocking the Spock man my entire life and now finding that I am drawn to him more than any other character is a real head scratcher for me.  Shouldn't I be all like "ooh Captain James Kirk" or something?  Nope.  Spock is fascinating.  And my favorite part with him was at the end when he was running super, duper fast and his bangs are flying in the wind.  Totes awesome to see those bangs move like that. As for Scotty - he's just plain fun.  I love me a scottish brogue.

Gratuitous bra and panties shot.  Just one more reminder that real women do not have flat abs like that.  Suck.

Anyone see Armageddon with Bruce Willis?  Yeah, that one.  There is a scene where Bruce is saving the day and the camera zooms in on his eye and we see his life flash before him.  I swear to you, I was waiting for it with Kirk in a particular scene.  I was so sure it was gonna happen I would have bet money on it.  In fact, now that I think about it, maybe it would have helped the scene.

Klingon language.  Lame.  Kinda like when the hobbits all start talking elvish or elvin or something like that in LOTR.  Just makes me giggle and lose all respect for the characters and actors.

Dr Bones.  Is he really so angry all the time?  Is he mad?  Is he just so serious?  Is it overacting?
"Are you out of your corn fed mind?"

Writing.  I will admit there is some pretty witty writing in there, and there's some really bad cheesy stuff too.  It seems as if they almost had a complete different staff write different parts of the story.

Special effects.  On point for an action movie.

The super secret that reveals itself in the movie?  Yeah.  Didn't get it.  Didn't pick up on it.  I even watched some of the credits waiting for something momentous to happen.  Once Tiburon explained it to me, then it made sense.  So that whole piece was completely lost on me.  I suppose if I were a true Trekkie, I would have gotten it.  Meh.

And finally, let's discuss Captain Kirk.  Chris Pine.  I do enjoy the actor that plays him.  Easy on the eyes.  Speaking of eyes, his are pretty.  But to be completely honest, ever since seeing Jim Carrey's impersonation of William Shatner as Kirk on "In Living Color", I can't take anyone serious as Kirk.  Ever.

Overall, the popcorn was good, the diet coke better and Splenda Daddy best.  The movie?  Meh.  Something for me to snort and giggle over for a couple of days as it provided plenty of fodder for me to mock and uber glad we didn't pay full price.  No complaining from this corner - overall fun time just in a different way than I had expected.

Next up on the movie circuit?

Don't know - taking your suggestions..........


Just SO said...

Spock is my favorite. I fell in love with Zachary Quinto in the last movie, love him even more in this one.

namaste said...

i'm not a trekkie at all either. but i love when you put yourself completely out there with a review. you ROCK it always!

i've never seen jim carey do kirk. but i've seen kirk do kirk. and i still laugh every time. (i LOVE will shatner!) as for the writing? i can't imagine a re-make of this movie without a little cheese. i look forward to seeing this on video. thanks for the review!

tammy said...

Connor was not impressed either. And he also liked Spock and Scotty the best. The LP and I always watched Star Trek the Next Generation together and saw all the ST movies, so I was a little sad that he wasn't there with us last night.

karen said...

Well I guess I won't go see that one! I want to see "Now You See Me." The one about the bank robbers who rob banks on different continents while performing magic at shows. Looks good. Maybe this weekend?

DesertHen said...

I'm not a Star Trek fan either. Passing this one up in the theater, but will probably watch it at some point on DVD.

I really want to go see "Now You See Me." Looks like it is going to be an "on the edge of your seat" kind of movie and it has a great cast!

Pedaling said...

Ted still watches the old Star Trek shows on TV....I know....
so of course he went
he being a Trekkie still had pretty much the same review as you...Meh.

I love your movie reviews.

I haven't seen the Great Gatsby yet, but hear it's great.

Nancy Face said...

I loved it, and so did my hubby and 18-year-old son! But I am a SERIOUS Trekkie.

I also love Lord of the Rings more than I love food, which is saying quite a lot.

Yep. I'm a nerd!

Kristin Klein said...

I don't think we'll be checking out the newest Trekkie movie . . . neither of us are fan's much . . . but I admit we really liked Jurassic Park 3D. It was great to see an old classic with a funky new 3D theme :)

Even though we knew the outcome, we were still glued to our seats!