Showing posts sorted by relevance for query leg lamp. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query leg lamp. Sort by date Show all posts

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

11 Minutes of Casual Work Conversation - or How to Sexually Harass your co-workers


Prepare yourselves- a REAL LIVE instant messaging conversation from a REAL LIVE workplace (the names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
A glimpse into the world of hard working women....
SH Queen [2:14 PM]:
Are you still there?
Giggler [2:14 PM]:
Si.
SH Queen [2:16 PM]:
Who's the evil "genius" that invented sweet and salty chex mix? SERIOUSLY!!! Some.one.must.intervene.take.bowl.away.
Giggler [2:16 PM]:
Maybe it was Evil Genius. She really is an evil genius.
SH Queen [2:16 PM]:
Evil Genius can expect an ass kicking. You just tell her that our make out session - SO CANCELLED!!
Giggler [2:17 PM]:
She's reading this over my shoulder.
SH Queen [2:17 PM]:
EG, I am no longer going to make out with you, now stop your crying about it, but if you are the one who invented the sweet and salty chex mix and are forcing it in my bowl and into my mouth, well, there will be HELL to pay my friend, you heard me, HELL!
Giggler [2:17 PM]:
You missed the payday bar when I brought them in. Bummer for you. I'll be bringing in indoor s'mores on Monday, so brace yourself.
SH Queen [2:18 PM]:
Must get through these holiday's without ass growing three sizes larger. bad eating, bad eating.
Giggler [2:18 PM]:
She's laughing her evil genius maniacal laugh.
Oh, and she said to tell you that she's laughing all the way to the bank (due to her genius idea) and will therefore, pay for her own makeout sessions.
And, by the way, you don't have an ass.
SH Queen [2:19 PM]:
And likely plotting some other evil way to befuddle and waylay my good intentions
Giggler [2:19 PM]:
Last time I looked, and believe me, I look frequently, I couldn't see your ass.
SH Queen [2:20 PM]:
LOL - I'm glad someone looks frequently, but last time I ran on Monday, there was some jiggling in the back trunk that wasn’t there the week before. Something strange is afoot.
Giggler [2:20 PM]:
ha ha ha I doubt that. But, it's all about how you feel in your own body.
BTW -Maybe if you offer to make out with me, I might let you touch my leg lamp when it gets here. I'm just sayin'...
Play your cards right.
SH Queen [2:22 PM]:
Leg lamp touching? All I can do it touch? what if I had more in mind? like some cuddling?
Giggler [2:23 PM]:
I might let you cuddle with it, but only for a minute..
SH Queen [2:23 PM]:
I'll be gentle and soft. I'll even call it the next day like I promised.
Giggler [2:23 PM]:
Sure, isn't that what all the 'guys' say? I'll call tomorrow.
SH Queen [2:24 PM]:
Exactly, but being the sensitive type that I am, I would really do it. Ahhhh the leg lamp......
Giggler [2:24 PM]:
Would you caress it lovingly?
SH Queen [2:24 PM]:
Check!
Giggler [2:24 PM]:
Awe.some.
SH Queen [2:25 PM]:
Let's just say that "Lady" the leg lamp will never get treated better. I can't even begin to tell you how envious I am of you.... can you tell?
Giggler [2:25 PM]:
It's nice to have someone be envious of me from time to time. I never win anything, so this is great!

And yet again, some people have the best jobs evuh! Wish I could work with such cool people and get harassed like this. This was the most productive these people were all day long.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

She is a mean, mean girl....leg lamp taunting

Now you may remember that Martha won the ever so cool Word's giveaway and received an ever so funderful leg lamp. A replica of the one in A Christmas Story. I WANTED TO WIN!!!! But no......... Martha did and has since then taunted me frequently about the lamp. She even brought it to work so I could caress it once or twice for myself, thus increasing my covetous feelings. I had to photoshop the green off my face.
I hate her.

Really, I do.

I hope Thomas totally tortures her tonight in her training session. I hope she is so sore she can't walk tomorrow. I hope she can't even lift her arms to do her hair. I hope she has to talk to someone from CV tomorrow. That will show her! Taunting me with the leg lamp...... I hate her.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Leg Lamp saga cont....Size DOES matter


Oh, the very fun of it all!
I came home from Burley to a delicious little prize from the uber-cool Tiburon. She, knowing my envy for the leg lamp found a DE-LIGHT-FUL little, I mean big, item for me......

I have dubbed her "Venus". Great name right? Very electric sexy right? And for extra giggles, I have her on my desk at work right next to my Elder who would get a kick out of it!
Well, now with all of Martha's taunting and such, I certainly was more than willing to dish it back and make her slightly jealous.

Venus is after all BIGGER than little 'ole Alegra.

Aaaaaannnnnnd, her fishnets are REAL! Not a lot of work got done this morning what with all the coveting and envying going on. Even people who don't work with us, came over to get in on the action. I should have started to charge for all the stroking of her leg that was going on. Would my employer have frowned on such pimping??
At any rate, I LOVE my little, I mean bigger than Martha's, electric sex leg lamp and Venus will now reside desktop to brighten my every day at work.
Thanks Tiburon - you ROCK!! Make-out session, back on! And Miss Martie? Eat your freakin, taunting heart out!!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Leg Lamp saga continued......more taunting

Really Martha? Really?!?!

I thought you were my friend. In fact, I thought you one of my BFF's! But today, I hit your blog and see this?! More taunting? !
Oh wait, it's NOT you! It's the lamp itself just begging, just PLEADING for me to come back and caress it once more.
Don't worry my little slice of electric sex. I'll be there bright and early Monday morning, I mean, sometime Monday morning. Don't you worry your pretty little fishnet stockings. Although, I am bringing a little friend, I hope you won't be jealous.
But since I am an equal opportunity lover, I have room in my heart for both delicious dishes.
For now, Leggy, the leg lamp. Turn your tassels down, get some rest over the weekend, and get ready for me Monday.
As for you Miss Martha - get ready to take what you have been dishing. Just.saying.
xoxoxox
M

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Red Rock Relay 2010 - Legally Dead rules the road!

30 hours + 187 miles + 12 people = Best way to spend a beautiful weekend in southern Utah!


l-r  Isaac, Dallin, Wayne, Rocky, Choco-Lisalicious, K-Bear, Me, Ape(bent over), TO, Anababy, and Brookie

Doing this event last year is etched in my brain simply because of the outcome. This year, I was determined for it to be different. I got my wish on so many levels.

Legally Dead had some people already in St George, for the rest of us, we met up at 6:00am Friday morning and drove south to Brian Head ski resort in southern Utah. Our start time wasn't until 11:20, so we had time to get there, get the cars decorated, meet each other (some for the first time), and get ourselves ready for a fun adventure!
Rumpy working on the Bone's twins


Mr Bones on top of Van 2


Ape getting the Bone's twins situated on top of van 2



K-Bear



Anababy, Me and Ape


The Diva's screwing around




I was in van 1 with 5 other INCREDIBLE ladies! I swear to you, they are honestly some of the best gals around! I already knew Anababy, Choco-Lisalicious and Ape, but meeting Brookie and TO, just made it even better! The BFF circle is growing!

TO,Ape,Brookie,Anababy,Choco-Lisalicious and Me


Brookie started her ride up the tram and we were off. Each of our ladies did fantastic!
Choco-Lisalicisous starting her leg after the hand off from Brookie.



I was runner 4 and my leg was a good one.


I was kind of glad about the downhill since it allowed me to post a fairly good pace. This time I was smart and packed my own small cooler with ice packs. I think that really saved my old lady knees.
I passed off to Ape who and then she passed to Anababy.
Ape on her first run

Water break

And of course, Tiburon was thought of often!



After each runner finishes their leg, they earn their stripe

Ape getting her first stripe.  We also tatted our skulls, and skeletons


Anababy handing off to Isaac


When our van finished up, we headed into Cedar City for the first major exchange. We stocked up on some more supplies at the grocery store, had a carb load feast at The Pizza Factory and then headed to the SUU stadium to meet our guys in van 2.

A little time to rest (goof around with the cameras), and before we knew it, runner 12 was headed in and ready to hand off and our van would take over. It was dark now, and getting chilly. I hadn’t thought it through too well, and figured a hoodie would be warm enough for me. I was glad for the long socks!





My second run was called the Dirty Devil. It SUCKED! All uphill, on dirt road with rocks and cattle guards and when the support vans came through, the dust was choking me! It was another long run, and the uphill punished my quads, but I will have to admit, that there is something beautiful about running at night.

My first leg, I had only garnered one kill, and I was wanting more, but there weren’t many runners around to even try to catch. Since it was dark, I could only tell if someone were coming up on me by their shadow in my headlamp or if their head lamp was bright enough, it would light more area for me to see.

I could see an extra pair of legs in my shadow about half way through. No way. Nope. I was going to make this person WORK for the kill. I quickened my pace and within a minute or two, she backed off. Is it bad that I smiled and then started to sing out loud? Naaaaaahhhhhh.

After singing for awhile and getting into a groove on the hill, I saw someone’s butt lamp up ahead. A kill in sight! I pushed a little harder, watched our pacing for a bit and figured as long as I had at least another mile or so, I could get this one. Yesssss! Add another road kill. Two more on that leg by the time I handed off to Ape! So glad to get my second leg done!

After Ana finished, she came into the chute and our van 2 wasn’t there! The area we were in had spotty cell service at best and we weren’t within walkie talkie range so it was 40 minutes or so of some frustration trying to find our guys. Brookie went ahead and started the next leg but didn’t get very far without her bra so TO took over until the boys were tracked down. We finally got everything situated and headed off to the next major exchange and some desperately needed sleep.

This time, there was no goofing around with the cameras. We had a few hours so Anababy and TO took their sleeping bags to the grass at the church and the rest of us slept in the car. It was not the most comfortable hour or so of rest, but it was better than nothing that’s for sure! All too soon, we were getting word over the walkie that the boys were finishing up and ready to pass off to us.

As we started gearing up, wiping the sleep from our eyes and stretching, the sun was just dawning and the light was barely at the mountaintops. It was gorgeous. We were lower down so it was a bit warmer and the air was easier to breathe. I had a feeling it was going to be a great day for a run!

I love me some Anababy


TO's run right before mine, ran past the Biggest Loser ranch - of course we weren't gonna pass up this opportunity for a photo shoot.  I was hoping to run into Jillian....



About 9:30, we were heading to the exchange point for me to take over and do my last leg. I glanced at the race bible, got it in my head that it was 5 miles – kinda easy, and fairly flat until the last mile or so that was uphill. I was not sure I had 5 miles left in me, and I made no promises on my time, but was anxious to just get running and get it over with.

I took off and soon found myself in the best groove ever. Not a super fast pace, but a strong pace. Even though my legs were crying, I was finding the strength to push through and enjoy the scenery and people around. By now, we were in St George and there were several people running, walking or biking. The temps were starting to get a little warm, but I’m okay with the heat. I was loving it.

Picked up 7 kills and started to feel REALLY good! Still running strong, knew I was about a mile out and was soon going to be done when I approached an intersection. There was a cop directing and holding traffic and since I saw runners on the east side of the highway I assumed he was there for them. I saw a sign with an arrow that I glanced at and thought it was pointing left. I turned left and saw the hill so I figured I was on the right track since I knew I should be almost done and that my leg ended with a slight hill.

The hill wasn’t slight. It was soon so steep that I was barely running. I couldn’t see anyone else around. I started doubting. Was I on the right course? I watched ahead and saw a parking lot at the top of another hill, so I assumed the exchange was there. I kept going and the hill just got steeper and steeper. I was seriously hurting physically, but kept telling myself it was almost over. I got to the parking lot and it was obviously NOT an exchange. There was NO ONE AROUND. What the heck? I stopped and turned back looking. Then it was one of those 360 degree turn around’s with my hands on my hips wondering what the crap was going on? I began thinking I had taken the wrong turn. I debated. Do I keep going and maybe they are over the next rise or go back? If I go back, I will lose some serious time. If I keep going and it’s wrong, I will lose even more.

I decided to go back. As I was now running down the steep hills and seriously freaking out about what I had done, I passed a gal who was power walking it. I stopped her and asked if she was part of the race, she wasn’t and couldn’t tell me if I was on the right trail or where I was supposed to go. I kept going back the other way and back to the intersection. As I neared it, I realized that the cop was there to direct traffic for me to cross to the EAST side of the street. I watched him, he motioned me through and I as ran past, I laughed that I had certainly taken a wrong turn! He said, “Yeah, and I tried to get your attention, but you didn’t hear me.” I thanked him and kept going. I had looked around, didn’t see any markers or other runners so I knew I was waaaaaayyyyyy far behind all those kills I had gotten earlier. I assumed he put me on the east side of the road because we were going to go south now. I sprinted across the street and put on the juice to try and make up time.

It was now downhill, I knew I was needing to hurry so I let gravity take over and started flying. I was wondering where the next exchange was and why I wasn’t seeing any runners but chalked it up to the fact that I had lost so much ground with my earlier mistake. I was also thinking I would see my support team come find me since I was now past the expected time.

At any rate, I kept running. About 10 minutes into it, I was approaching a cross street when a lady in an SUV rolled her window down and called to me. I pulled out one of my ear buds and she told me that the cop had sent her to tell me that I had gone the wrong way. I told her I knew and that now I was trying to catch my team, I turned to keep going and she called out, “But you’re going the WRONG way!” I stopped and turned around and pulled out both ear buds. “What?” She tells me that I was supposed to go straight through the intersection and continue heading east instead of turning south.

I can’t even tell you what happened in my head. It took about 2.2 seconds for the reality of her words to hit me and then I started bawling. I was way off course, my body was hurting badly, and I was so far behind on time. Disheartened. Discouraged. Frustrated. Poor lady just watched me drop my head into my hands and start sobbing. I think she was afraid. She offered to drive me back, and I quickly jumped in her front seat. I couldn’t even talk I was bawling so bad. Things like. “I can’t believe this…….idiot……..I’m so done………my team is gonna kill me…….sorry I am so sweaty on your seat……….” All mixed in with sobs and snot bubbles.

We got to the intersection and she asked if I wanted her to drive me further. No, no thanks, I need to run it. I thanked her, jumped out, ran across the street and started up the last brutal hill.

All I could do was sob. How could I miss the signs? How did this happen? I could imagine my teammates consoling me by telling me how poorly the course was marked and how it could have happened to anyone, it wasn’t my fault. I knew how kind the ladies were and what they would say to make me feel better.

As I ran up that hill though, and tried to keep the snot from smearing on my face I realized, that I am the only one to blame. I am responsible for my own course directions and checking my race bible and making sure I took the right turns. It was no one’s fault but my own. Talk about a life lesson there!

As I crested the hill, I caught sight of a dude walking ahead of me. Most people, the last leg is the hardest. Your body is tired, your mind exhausted and no matter what the leg is like, it’s hard simply because your body has had enough. Seeing that guy walk was sweet. I stopped crying, focused on him and told myself I was going for the kill. I started sprinting and closing the gap between us. I almost got him before my body screamed ENOUGH. I backed off, and let him go. I’d already disappointed myself, what was one more losing moment?

As I approached the chute, I didn’t see Ape so I figured they had sent her off. Choco-Lisalicisous was there and the minute I saw her, the bawling started again. My teammates were so kind to me. When they realized something had happened, they called van 2 – who offered to come find me. They alerted the cop they had lost a runner, and actually backtracked looking for me. We swapped stories of what had happened. I let myself cry for a sec and then took a deep breath. It was done. I was finished with my legs, and while I lost about 30 minutes for our team, at least I wasn’t hurt. No injuries.

Ape and Anababy finished strong and we met up with van 2 at the next exchange.

Ape


Ape getting to pass off to Anababy

Once we let van 2 take over we calculated that we had about 4 hours. Ape’s hubby picked her up, took her home to shower and the rest of us headed into the rec center. After a hot shower, a good teeth scrubbing and clean clothes, we all felt so much better.




And while you are there in St George - go here:

Ask to see the manager - He's a tall, handsome blonde.  Tell him I sent you - he'll treat ya right.  And don't buy your golfing needs anywhere else!

We grabbed some food at the Mongolian BBQ (see pics above) and then headed to the finish line to try and sleep while we waited for van 2 to finish the final 6 legs. As we drove the route, I felt sick to my stomach. It was wicked hot, and the legs were along highway where it was hard to offer support. The hills were BRUTAL. I thought of having to run those and then began thanking our team captain for assigning them to van 2 and not us!

Heading towards Zion's NP - the scenery was beautiful!

We had quite awhile at the finish line. Ape and Ere showed up and we chatted, drank some diet coke, laughed and rested.


All our stripes




Some great scenery - great shot Ere


My only injury this year!!

We finally got word that they were close and it was time to meet them and cross the finish line together!





By now, it was around 5pm and most of us were headed back to the Salt Lake valley and needed to get on the road. Quick good-byes, gathering gear, hugs and then we headed home. A food stop in Cedar, a gas stop in Meadow and pulling in around 11:00pm.

Splenda met me at K-Bear and Choco-Lisalicious’s place, grabbed my gear, and helped me into the car. My bed never felt so good! Splenda was the best. He packed me in ice and listened to all my stories.

I have to say, doing these relays is not for the faint of heart. Or wussies. It’s hard. It takes strength, determination, endurance and above all else, a great sense of humor. Trust me, after 30 hours in a car together, there are no secrets. You bond in a way that doesn’t happen anywhere else. I love my Legally Dead girls. They seriously are the best. They knew what to say and when to say it when I was having my melt-down. We laughed so hard at times that all I could do was snort to keep oxygen coming in. And the Legally Dead boys? I have so much respect for the legs they had to run! The course was changed this year and it was BRUTAL! There is just no other word to call it. There were spots it was dangerous. It was hard. And those boys killed it!

And, as with every event I do, I seem to come away with a life lesson or two. It took me getting lost not once but TWICE, to learn it, but wiser I am for it. I am responsible for my own course in life. I cannot blame anyone else for choices I make. My choices affect others. BUT – even when I do get lost and off course, there is always someone there to help me and set back on the right track.

A big shout out to the St George Police Officer who watched me make the wrong turn AGAIN and asked someone to stop me.

A big shout out to the complete stranger woman who willingly took the time out of her day and whatever errands she was running to find me, and drive me back to the right road.



To my Legally Dead teammates……….. love your freaking GUTS!

And if you ever wondered what it looks like to be Legally Dead.....