Sushi simply makes me laugh - Well done Geico

Encore presentation - Marilyn style

Encore presentation

I have no shame, and I'm wondering if I have missed my true calling in life.

I Am Not A Witch!

Funniest thing I have seen in years!



It's long, so hit it at about 4:30 (don't miss the facial expressions on the dude in the blue shirt)......... Splenda Daddy was crying and I was snorting!

I feel a little like this today:



Someone help me get my head outta the Dorito bag!

Yo, Yo - we all gangta up in herah!

Saw this:  The Original Gangsta Name Generator on the Shark's blog today and have been getting a kick out of seeing what mine and my brood's gangta names are:

M-Cat - Young Dirty Forty Sippa

Splenda - Stanky left-Hand Drug Smuggler

'dawg - Tree Trunk Pud

Luka - Mercedes Rolling Pimp

Tuffy - Swinging Melon Balls

Sissy - Fried Green Drug Smuggler 
(does she take after her Poppa?  I prefer calling her Milkshake Sha-nay-nay)

Go play, it's fun!  All the cool kids are doing it!

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard or said or just thought in my head - Special Edition

Okay, so it's not Friday - but this is the special vacation edition of Funny Bone Friday

She's speaking gibberish and walking in circles, I think it's time she went to bed.

Oh, believe me, I waste my palate on all sorts of things.

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.

Who just cropdusted us?

I don't know - look for the singe mark

It must be national 'tard day out

I'd rather spoon my eyeballs out with an ice cream scooper.

What?  No tentacles?  Where are my suction cups!?

JF:  Did you know garlic is the strongest aphrodisiac?

BH:  What?  It has no gender?

It's like deja vu, only inside out

Just take a big squirt in your hand

Somebody got a hold of his chocolate twizzler.

Does that translate into fire or does it translate into sh** your pants?

Having an Advanced Directive, living will, or when to pull the plug....

"Last night, my husband and I were sitting in the living
room and I said to him, 'I never want to live in a
vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

He got up, unplugged the computer,
and threw out my Diet Coke.

He's such a jerk....."

**Thanks for the funny email today TR**

A pooping pig - Christmas style....

the gift that just keeps giving.....

and if you don't believe me......

Happy Mother's day - in October

On the riverbank.....


In the Arctic...


In India...


In Africa...


In the Arctic...


In Africa...


in Wal-Mart...


Brings a warm, soft feeling to your motherly heart doesn't it?

(thanks for the fun email TR)

Mensa Invitational Results and today's goal

Got a fun email a couple of weeks ago giving me the Mensa Invitational Results (thanks Ranae)
They made me laugh. For your reading pleasure.......

(and yes, I understand the picture has NOTHING to do with the post, I just saw it and laughed so hard I snorted)

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2009 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a$$hole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Doppler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. -

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

Now your job for the day? Choose one of these words, find a way to use it at least three times today. Ready? Set? GO!

Special Edition (RRR) **Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

"A passed a full-on dead deer. Do I get to count that as a road kill?"

"You might as well have invited Satan."

"I hear you need a little toothpaste. To clean out your mouth."

"I'll swap you this goat for your puppy"

"Half way through, I could have taken all my clothes off"

"Is that......duct tape on his nipples?"

"You're gonna have to crank her."

"Stop fiddling."

"That ding ding dinging is making me ding ding dingy!"

"I learned to file my nails on a brick 'cause that's how she did it in prison"

"Hey look, there the guy with duct tape on his nipple!"

"She was watering him"

"It was leg 3 that she grew that man whisker."

"You had to do all kinds of gyrations to get back there."

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

"I don't think you should gird your loins until next week."

"You could hen-peck the hell outta him and he'd LIKE it."

"He was chatting me up at church"

"I'm the ball whisperer."

"'Cause that's how beaver do it."

"What? No landing strip?"

"Americas crazy, we voted for Bush.... twice, then we voted Obama in cause he said "change" ALOT and all the while he does most of the same things Bush did.... It's kinda like Diet Coke and Coke Zero.... both generally the same idea just slightly a different taste and like most people they like the "black" one better."

Urine or you're out.....

Wish I knew who to give credit to this for, it came as an email to me this morning (thanks Mom)....and can I get an AMEN for the writer!

I find it hysterical and think we need to start a grass roots movement : )

"Joe, the average worker says;

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.
In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their lazy butts, doing drugs, while I work. . . .
Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

Guess we could title that program, 'Urine or You're Out'."

Do ya just need a laugh today?

I did, and thank you Giggler for providing it......

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

"I was totally loving it until I fell into a ditch"

"I feel a tour of Brazil AND Asstria coming on."

How many times can one apply deodorant in a 26 hour period? Is there a maximum dosage?

"I short bussed it the last downhill mile - yeah there was window-slobber-lickin goin on."

There is no I in team but there is a U in suck

"If you don't use the right key, it won't start"

"Damn economy, even the ears had to be downsized"

"Head Cheerleader and Boy Toy, now that's a combination."

"Just remember that when I flip you off, it's with all the love and affection in my heart."

"They were grilling him like a sirloin over coals in July."

"You'll pick up any ole screw in the road won't you?"

"I have no shame. I just showered completely naked with 5 other women and now am sleeping with about 70 strangers. I'm pretty sure there is a word for people like me and it's whore."

"It's not every day that you come to work and see someone's granny panties hanging in their cube."

Happy Mother's day - albeit late.......

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

"I got flames in my nose."

"Ready for the meat orgy?"

"Some kids liked to go to the Haunted Houses for a scare. We just drove through Magna after dark."

"The older I get, the more I drip"

"How am I supposed to listen to it while I sleep if you turn it off" (wha?)

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

1. "Stop denying your inner-self" (said to a three year old)

2. "So are those dead bodies cataloged with the Dewey Decimal system?"

3. "It's a Full Monty? Really?"

4. "My hamstrings are so sore, they are squealing like the big fat pigs they are!"

5. "Could you hurry and get in the shower so I can turn on the hot water?"

6. "3 units of blood?! Um, no I don't do that."

7. "Lesson learned? - ALWAYS consult a professional. Always."

8. "I'm not into do-it-yourself hack jobs"

9. "She's the Ethel to our Lucy"

I can't even think up a title for this.....

I'm so immature!

Really I.am.

Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head

1. "You just saved yourself from spousal intervention."

2. "You can be the Dwight to my Michael"

3. "Who knew Balboa had a tramp stamp?"

4. "I'm sitting on some sort of nipple something."

5. "I live to be the fodder for others' amusement."

6. "Well played Purdy"

7. "At least you have some sort of hairstyle. And I'm glad you are getting it done today, I'm sick of looking at it."