Wednesday's Wrandom Wrambling

I'm in St George and freezing.  For reals.  I don't know why they think they need to run the AC in the winter, but I've about had enough!  If I wanted to sit at work and be this cold, I would have stayed in SLC.  Even my toes are going numb.

Splenda Daddy suggested I get a massage.  Reason 5,291 that he is the bestest Splenda ever.

Yeah I said 'bestest'.  What of it?

I love the red dirt in southern Ut.  I love coming around the corner as I near St George on I-15 and seeing the red mesa's in the distance.  It's beautiful.  The city is growing and the people are so nice.  Once we get past this indoor temperature thing, I really feel like we could have a permanent relationship.

Is it sad that I miss my dog as much as I miss my family when I am away?

No, I didn't think so.

I turned on word verification and now I don't think it's working.  Lame.

I like February only because of the holidays and the fact that it is a short month.  If I could have 90 degree weather, it would be perfect.

Tuffy got asked to Sweethearts last night.  I wonder how he is going to answer.  Ideas?

I can't find it in me to watch American Idol.  What's wrong with me?  It's lost it's appeal.  Maybe I just need to buckle down, and sit through ONE episode. 

I am missing mutual tonight.  I am not happy about it.  Not at all.

I am, however, happy that I can have whatever I want for dinner though.  All by myself.  Alone.  Solo.

I give up.  Can't do the cold room anymore.  Hotel..........  here I come, wifi better be ready for me.

 

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

My house once sparkling clean is all torn apart. Painting. Needs to be done, desperately. Nothing like a party on Sunday for motivation.

Too many headaches lately. Getting me down. Interfering with my life. They need to GO AWAY.

Getting my right eye touched up today. While I am seeing 20/30, I paid, I mean, Splenda Daddy paid, too much money to not have them perfect. Luka is coming with me. I hope he'll watch and take pictures, it really is cool. Even the smell of the burn from the laser.

I like the smell of wet dog. MY wet dog. I also like the smell of dog feet. The pads of their feet. I know. I am so weird.

I want a day where I do nothing but lay in bed and read a good book. I used to take a day now and then and do that. I need it. Maybe I just need to schedule it in. Saying that seems pathetic.

I have a sore in my nose that is driving me crazy! I can't even bump it without pain. Prolly some cancer of some sort. I should google it.

A fun Christmas present came last night. A box of bears. Cinnamon bears, chocolate cinnamon bears, and yogurt cinnamon bears. I feel a bear binge coming on.

I bought a scale. I have a love/hate relationship with it. Every day.

More Yankees gear came for the ROOM. I need to post a pic. I love that room. LOVE that ROOM!

I need to be better at reading private blogs. They don't show in my reader so I have to make myself remember. I also am glad when I do, there are so many fantastic people out there!

I was happy when Martie hugged me at work yesterday. I love my work BFF's.

I've been thinking about setting some goals, making some resolutions for the new year and decided I just don't want to set some expectations for myself. For reals. A little gun shy. Afraid of failure. So if I don't set any, than I haven't failed right? I'm just gonna hope for an ER-free year. That's a good one.

The January blues are setting in, can you tell? I need some more diet coke and to just shake it off!

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

My house smells like chili cheese dogs. Tuffy texted Splenda to ask what was for dinner (cause I really DON'T cook - for reals), and didn't like the answer so he made a HUGE plate of chili cheese dogs. NGL - they were a work of art. But they stink. And he ate them at my bedside. Combine that smell with the lingering chlorine in my nose and really, I think I might barf.

Notice how no one ever really says the word barf anymore? I hear vomit. I hear throw up. But we have lost the use of that all descriptive word - barf. I think I'm gonna start a campaign to bring it back. Barf. Barf. Barf. Barf. Barf.

Am I the only one sick of the whole Twilight thing? GOSH! Enough already. Stupid vampires, ugly Edward, or whatever his name is. 3 different day time tv shows that were on in the background while I worked today talked about them. One show even took teenage girls and did a "Twilight" makeover on them. The girls were obsessed with the series and wanted desperately to look like a character. Really? REALLY? I know many of you love the whole thing, and that's okay, it's not a deal breaker (at least for me), but really, enough already. Barf!

I think my back is getting better! I'm hesitant to say much, I don't wanna jinx anything, but, yeah, I think I see a light. It's distant, but it's there! YIP.PEE!

I swam right out of my swim cap yesterday. Yup. There I am doing my laps, minding my own bidness, and as I'm cruising along I feel it loosen and slipping. By the time I got to the wall, it was just a little bunch of yellow stuff askew at the top of my head stuck there behind the strap of my goggles and my hair sticking out every which way. Seems that perhaps I had put a tich too much conditioner in my hair before putting the cap, which hadn't completely dried out, on. Makes for some slippery conditions. I live to amuse others. I'm pretty sure the lifeguards were snickering. Shame on them. That deserved loud laughing, pointing of fingers and openly mocking. I would have.

It's only 50 more days until Elder L comes home.

My SIL is doing a 6 week boot camp. I am green with envy but having fun living vicariously through her. I'm proud of her.

Thanksgiving is just few weeks away. Christmas is just a few more after that. I could care less. I am living for 1/1/10. Does that make me weird? (don't answer that)

I love my bed. Splenda needs a new one. How's that all gonna work out?

I'm craving Cafe Rio. I mean CRAVING. Like I prolly will break down and go get it for lunch this week, cause once I start thinking about something like that I can't let go of it until I actually eat it.

I suppose if we had that tonight instead of the dinner Splenda announced, it would piss off the Tuffster. That'd be funny since he ditched me for Wendy's yesterday.

I miss my previous life. My life where I woke up at 4:30, ate a light breakfast, was at the gym by 5:30, working out with all my friends. Cycling to the office. Coming home, going back to the gym for another workout. I miss washing loads of workout clothes.

Now my life is still waking up at 4:30am, but instead of eating, I read my scriptures. I'm still at the gym at 5:30, but instead of working out and having fun with my friends, I am in the pool swimming lonely laps. Sometimes I can chat with Debbie while I pool run, but its as we pass each other. It's not the same.

Going to the office is hard. Sitting at my desk for the majority of the day hurts. Little breaks help, but by the time I get home, I am dying. So now, I've been working in my bed and my little breaks consist of laying flat to ease the pain in my back.

Instead of cycling home and going back to the gym for more fun with my friends working out, lifting or doing yoga, I am laying down, watching TV and falling asleep.

Let me clarify, I'm not complaining. I've already done that and it got me nowhere, this isn't complaining. It's just identifying the differences in my life now and the one I had 3 months ago. I miss that life. I am adjusting to this new one. And am looking forward to the time, I get back my old life back. I look into the office and say hi to Patrick every now and again and I feel happy! It will come, I absolutely know it! And that makes me happy!

Did I mention I'm reading my scriptures? REG.U.LAR.LY! That's a good change. I think I need to keep that one when I morph back into my old life.

And now, I'm off to call the Splenda Daddy to pick up Cafe Rio on the way home. Woot to the Hoot! Sorry Tuff...... (not really - insert evil maniacal laugh)

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

I promised myself NO whining, complaining or being a general Debbie Downer in today's post. If I succeed, I get to have some milkduds.

MLB playoffs have begun. Do you KNOW how happy that makes me? SYTYCD be damned, the Yankees are playing right now!

And right now, they are up 4-2 in the bottom of the 5th inning. After last year's 0 playoff showing, I am more than excited about this year's October season. It will help soothe me into fall.

Okay so they are up now 6-2. Homerun by Matsui

It's getting chilly around here now. I am warming my rice bag more often and added an extra blankie to the bed. Fall means winter is coming. Winter means Christmas is coming. Christmas coming means that it will soon be AFTER Christmas and perhaps the first of January. Which means my missionary will be home. It's coming up fast and I'm dang glad about that!

Pinstripe baseball uniforms are HOT! They look so much better than plain gray ones. Just sayin....

Just when I thought I couldn't love my Splenda Daddy anymore....he goes and does something that makes my heart grow even more. I found out last night that he has fasted not once this past couple of weeks, but TWICE, for me. There are no words. The man is one of a kind and I am blessed beyond anything I deserve.

Lyrica makes me loopy. I think I walked into the wall more than 7 times today. Like a lot of times. And when I sit on the potty, I sort fall screwy. I think we should rename it Loopyica. I think I am on to something.

It has also destroyed any filter between my brain and my mouth. At least whatever remained of one that might have once been there. I think my boss would like me to wear duct tape to staff meetings.

Why does the NY logo make me twitterpated?

The block I had yesterday that was so fantastic? Well, it was. However, I learned as I spoke to my doctor tonight that it doesn't take care of the pain of the stress fracture, it only works on the CRPS nerve stuff. I discovered that first hand today. (That's not a downer right? I still get milkduds?)

Splenda Daddy went in this afternoon for his 6 month check on his early onset emphysema. Fantastic news! No changes in his pulmonary functions tests. Which means the condition is stable. Doc did recommend getting the H1N1 vaccination. WOW - we were a little stunned. We picked his brain about the swine flu, the immunization and what was happening with it. We came away pretty enlightened. The doc is getting his shot. I am re-thinking my vehement no.

In the background I am hearing Sean Hannity talk to Michael Moore. Ridiculous. Michael Moore is a friggin idiot. He is successful purely because of capitalism, but then makes a movie bashing it, but at the same time, he is making money from it, which in the end is capitalism. I haven't heard him give one intelligent, reasonable answer to any of the questions. Michael Moore - you suck. Just saying......

Time to turn off Hannity and let me listen to the game again. And while Sabathia's pants look a little silly being so baggy,(what's up with the jockey pants look?) he is seriously rockin the ball and gettin the job done, so dude, keep at it. Silly pants and all!

And now, I made it. I'm ready for some milkduds......

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

What a month! Really. I'm tired and hoping that tomorrow, October 1, brings something a little better than September did. September totally blew.

So I keep having some increasing trouble with my leg. I went back into the doctor and he ran a bunch of more tests, consulted some other doctors and came back with a discouraging diagnosis.

Complex Regional Pain Syndrome

He has referred me to a pain clinic that specializes in this rare disorder. I go see them tomorrow. Based on my phone call with them, I am not holding out hope. Could be just a bad first impression. If they end up taking care of me, I'll shout them out and I'll have a heckuva Thankful Thursday post, if not, I guess I'll keep looking for help.

For now, since my foot turns colors and my leg goes numb and hurts whenever I stand up, I am pretty much horizontal most of the time. That sucks.

My hip, which should be to the point of now being able to take some weight bearing is nowhere close. In fact, my leg hurts now as much as it did right after the race. Even just changing positions in the bed.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of trying to digest the diagnosis and mostly tired of not understanding what this means for me. Answers tomorrow - keep your fingers crossed. Okay, enough whining.

On the bright side? I've had lots of very thoughtful prizes, calls, texts, and kind words from so many great friends. I am beyond blessed with fantastic people who are all around me.

I have a fantastic boss and am employed by a great company that is working with me to let me keep working and staying on top of all my day to day stuff. It keeps me busy and helps me feel useful. TR you frickin rock! I know Paul will see this and pass on my love for you!

Can I tell you how much I love fall TV?? SYTYCD - Biggest Loser - The Office - oh baby, they are fun, fun FUN!

Splenda's Mom is moving this weekend. She has lived in her home for 40 + years. It's the only home Splenda remembers. It's bittersweet. We'll all be there this weekend for one last gathering as everyone hauls her boxes to the truck. I will gladly direct traffic with my ever present crutch and shed the tears that Splenda will want to, but won't let himself.

In case you didn't know it, Olive Garden has their never ending pasta deal going right now. Does it get any better? Nay, it.does.not. Mmmmm.....breasticks......Your welcome.

It's UEA weekend here in UT. No school for Thursday and Friday. I remember as a kid, this is when we went deer hunting. Now, I don't even know if it's deer hunting season or not. Seems kinda early. For the record, my Dad never got a deer. I'm not sure he could have actually shot one if he had the chance. I DO remember being shot AT! Good.times.

And finally, I am SO excited for conference this weekend. Every time it comes around, I think, "Oh now more than ever, we need to hear the prophet". But this time, I REALLY feel it.

Peace out, and don't forget....fingers crossed tomorrow.

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

I'm so over these crutches. Really. I'm uncoordinated as it is, throw in these bad boys and just watching me try and get down the hall is comical. For reals. Sometimes I laugh so hard at myself I pee a little. Sometimes the bathroom is REALLY far away.

So my left leg has been turning colors and swelling whenever I get up. Ever since the bone scan that showed the stress fracture. I saw the doc today. They did an ultrasound to check for blood clots. Nothing, that's Good news. Don't know what's causing the obvious circulation issues. That's bad news. Oh well. Whaddya do?

My baby is 18 in 2 days. Where in the fetch does time go? He used to be this shy, little, quiet, easy peasy child. He is still shy. And easy peasy. And quiet. He is not little. He is on a date while we speak. With one of my YW. Weird.

Three more months until Elder L comes home. For that reason, I would gladly like time to speed up. 6 months until we go to Cancun. See previous sentence.

Poor Splenda Daddy. Dude has had to do EVERYTHING! Laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. Everything. Freakshow was sicker than a dog (pun totally intended) yesterday and puked too many times to count. Splenda had to get the carpet cleaner out and scrub the carpets. Then the wind knocked down our 25 year old fence. So between the inside house crap, me, the sick dog, and Sissy on the weekends, he now is dealing with repairing the fence. He needs a vacay.

Tried the gym the last couple of mornings. Jury is out. Not totally sure about it. Does it make me feel better to go and do at least SOMETHING or is it just like rubbing salt in the wound when I see everyone else doing the fun stuff, and I'm bobbing in the pool?

Did I mention that crutches totally blow?

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

or, in my case today - mostly Whining.


I'm going a little bat-shiz crazy. Stuck in this house. Mostly to my bed. Trying to keep ice high up on my leg (translate groin) and/or keeping it still. I'm bored of this now. I thought I would try just walking around the house a little more today. Mistake. Will go see the doctor tomorrow afternoon. Hoping for some miraculous answer or treatment.

I miss the gym. I miss my friends at the gym. I miss the endorphin high I got every day. Hello, my name is M-Cat, and I'm an addict. (Hello, M-Cat)

Nancy Pelosi looks like a withered grape to me. I don't like raisins all that much.

I do however like Skittles, and Milk Duds, and Ding Dong's, and chips and salsa, and Cafe Rio, and pasta, and pizza. I think I shall now just pretend I am watching BaWack -O with a a couple of slices of pizza behind him. Without cheese. Cheese is gross.

My dogs are scruffy and need to be groomed again. Reminds me, I need to email Abraxas Kennels and give a shout out to Kim who alerted me to get Freakshow checked ASAP.

Are those pieces of pizza gonna keep standing up all night? That's gonna get old.

I am sad summer is over. I live for summer. I live for the wicked hot sun beating into my very bones. The best sensation ever is getting into a hot car. For reals. I can't wait for March and Cancun.

Oh for hell's sake, they are standing again!! Sit down pizza slices, sit down!

Speaking of Cancun, did you see the highjacking that took place on AeroMexico? I guess that blows my plans of muling in some drugs for the Bolivians. I have, however, paid my way into Mexico. For reals. Didn't have the correct paperwork. A gentleman kindly accepted Splenda's 20 dollar "tip".

I'm still loving my eyes. It was the best thing I ever, ever did. Sometimes I still have to adjust from close up to far away, but no biggie. Worth every dang dime from Splenda's wallet.

I've decided that those white shirts on the slices of pizza remind me of cheese. I hate cheese. And slices of pizza that stand up every frickin two seconds.

Random ramblings....

I have had a headache almost non-stop since Saturday. Do you think I got some parasite from the lake that is attacking my brain? Prolly.

I have been fixated on the news for the past several weeks. In particular Glenn Beck. Let me clarify. I.AM.NOT.A.GLENN.BECK.WORSHIPPER! But this week he has had some very thought provoking questions that I would like answers to. And part of me is afraid of what the answers are going to be. Am I ready? Is my family ready for what lies ahead?

I am taking tomorrow off. Sissy needs a tender, and I'm just the Meemaw to do it! Gosh how I love that girl! It's almost a heart wrenching love if that makes any sense.

I'm kinda feeling out of sorts. I still don't think I have fully recovered from Saturday's tri. I'm back at the gym early mornings, and working hard, but I can't shake the fatigue. Normally, I'd be ready to go for a run, a ride or back to the gym in the evenings, and instead, I just want to come home and crawl in bed. Not like me. Not like me at all.

And to prove the point, I just hit enter and posted this post before I was ready too. I'm such a loser sometimes.

Do you ever stop thinking about your kids? Your grown kids who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. The ones that, really, their life is none of your business? Do you ever stop thinking? Worrying? I really didn't sign up for this. How do I turn off the "care" gene?

We are getting a new bishopric on Sunday. And yes, Splenda is more than safe. No phone calls here. And to be honest, I stay just inappropriate enough to keep him in the pews and off the stand. Not worried about it, but a huge leadership change always brings feelings of what will things be like?

My head STILL hurts. I'm gonna go eat ice-cream and find an old Lortab lying around.

Just a quick announcement......

Please don't hate me. I am so buried in work and life crap right now, that I am beyond behind in my google reader. Plus I found some more amazing women that I have added to my reader and that has doubled my size. However.... I am NOT a mark all as read kind of a gal. I am reading, I'm blurking you, I'm still here. I'm interested, I care and I want to read every last post.

Don't hate me, I'll catch up.

I'm also several personal posts behind....... I'm sure that once I actually get some time, there will be some serious blogerriah.......

Hang in there wit me - please don't be hatin. : )

xoxoxo
M-Cat

Complete and Utter Randomness

**Warning - pretty much a downer today...... sorry, feel free to click mark as read or completely ignore.......

I've been out of the blogging loop for a few days. Well, let me clarify, I am blurking and reading and commenting on occasion if I think I have something witty to say, but as for posting my own thoughts. It's been a couple days. I think my head might explode with all the crap that is going on right now. Do you ever have times in your life where you just want to cry 'uncle'? Yeah, I've been in that mode for about...oh......3 years now? I'm done. I quit. I've had enough. I thought my little jaunt to St George might clear my head and rejuvenate me, but I ended up doing nothing but work for 10-12 hours each day, so not really the ideal lift.

On Sunday, I will have been married for 25 years. I think that is pretty dang good considering the challenges we face in the world today. Yeah, I'm proud of it. Splenda and I are escaping to Park City for an overnighter. I am excited, and hope it will be a nice break, but then in the back of my mind, I can't let the worry go about some of the other issues at hand. I really need to find a way to do that.

I'm weepy. You know those times in your life, when you kinda get teary for no reason at all? Yeah, I'm there right now. I think about my husband, I get teary. I think of my sons and granddaughter, I get teary. I think about my friends, I get......you know - teary. I think about my dogs.... I think about bloggers that I have never even met in real life and yep, I start crying. Everything seems so tender to me. WTC? I'm not a tender gal by nature so this is weird to me.

I want to move. I'm done with this crackerbox house. I'm over it. I want something new. I just don't want a mortgage. How can I make this happen? We are 3 years away from having our house paid for. The thought of jumping into another 15 year loan (no 30 year for us), depresses me, but I think my current home depresses me more. What to do What to do?

My knee is still bothering me. I'm sure it's the IT band issue, and I am doing all the things I know to do, and I get it feeling better but then once I hit a long run, it's right back to painful. I did 7.4 miles Wednesday and limped the last half mile in. Frustrating. Especially considering I have major events every weekend until the marathon in September. I think I am going to go see my massage therapist and get this worked on.

I need to work more on my spirituality. I'm slacking. I am not doing the things every day I need to. I have no trouble with my testimony of the gospel plan that I believe in. That's not the issue, but I need to get more in tune. I need to stop being so inappropriate, obnoxious, and immature and step it up a notch. I'm sure that's contributing to my funk.

Have you ever felt like a complete failure? Like you just didn't do it? That phrase "if only I" haunts me right now. It makes my heart hurt and I'm not sure when that will ever go away. Being a parent is hard. I viewed it as rainbows, sunshine and unicorns pooping butterflies. It's not.

Okay I think I have vented enough. Please, really, understand I am a happy person and I am more than blessed. Beyond anything I have ever earned. Just a little funk right now. I'll snap out of it. I promise. But it does feel good just to vent. If you made it this far, thanks for listening.
xoxoxox
M-Cat

Thankful Thur....wait no, just random crap

(thanks to the Shark for the photo)
Yeah, it's Thursday and I should do a Thankful post, but really, I just have so much random crapola swinging around in my head, that if I don't let it out, my head will explode.

Splenda and Tuffy are at scout camp. Flaming Gorge. Playing. I'm home alone. With just the dogs. I am happy.

Sissy is coming tonight for a sleep over and then a play date tomorrow at Lagoon. She loved it last year, this year will be even more fun. It's Splenda's work party, but since he and the boy are gone, it'll just be us. Watch, this will be the ONE year they call his name to win a prize and he won't even be there to win it.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am old. I had to get my DL renewed today which really ticked me off since I had to get a new picture. The picture I have had for the last 10 years was a GREAT picture. No lie! The best DL pic I have ever seen. The one today? Hmmmmmm..... let's just say, I was happy they caught me with my eyes open. And yes, I do look 10 years older. Suck.

I was excited to open my email this morning and see an early Happy Birthday wish from her. She was leaving town and took the time to remember me. I want to meet her IRL. She's cool and I love her.

I get Famous Waffles for breakfast tomorrow. The Shark has kindly offered....okay, I DEMANDED, her Famous Waffles for my birthday. I will be posting a complete dining review later. Woot Woot!

I am a technotard. I can't figure anything with the computer out. Everyone does those cute hearts and cross out lines and stuff... yeah, I've had directions, but I still can't seem to manage it. Whatev.

I have a huge bike ride Saturday. 111 miles. It's not even going to be 80 degrees outside. I am going to freeze!

You would think with everyone out of my house, I would deep clean and scour and all that great stuff that you like to do when no one is there to mess it up? Nope. Can't bring myself to do it. I would rather lay around, going out to dinner with her and her or just playing on the computer. I am a loser.

I'm hungry. But I have packed on 7 ellbees in the past 4 months and am freaking out. FREAKING I tell you! Hunger and I need to become reacquainted.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am old. But I am thankful that I am here to have another one.

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

There's so much rattling around my head I can hardly stand it. Even with my nigh-nigh-sleep-tight pill, I'm not sleeping. What's up with that?

I have a huge confession to make. Monday, I worked from the hospital rather than my office. I was conferenced in for staff meeting though. So, here I am on my cell phone listening and participating when necessary. It starts dragging on a bit. I have gulped down over half a gallon of water. You know what comes next. I try to hold it thinking we are gonna wrap up any time. Nope it just goes on and on. I can't hold it any longer. I work by way to the bathroom, and since I don't know how to mute on my cell, I cover the mouthpiece while I take care of business. Just as I am getting ready to flush, I am asked to go ahead and give my update for the week.
Me: "Huh? Me? Wha? Uhhhhh......."
Giggler: "You're echoing."
Me: (frantic) "Um, just come back to me, give me a sec"
I go back to covering the mouthpiece and finish up FAST, praying that they don't hear the flush! I don't think until now, anyone knew. Or they all knew that I was totally squatting during staff and they are all secretly laughing behind my back. Wait, they don't laugh behind my back. They OPENLY laugh at me.

For the record I don't talk on the cell phone while in the bathroom. Unless you are family or the Shark.

Why is it that when one thing goes wrong a billion other things have to start falling apart too? Broken microwave, leaking dishwasher, sick dog, and now Splenda's company. The economy is killing us all I tell ya!

The war is beginning to escalate between my son and the the YW with all the chalking and water ballooning and now perhaps some oreo'ing happening. I have taught him well. They started it, and I should have warned them that "you don't mess with the best, case the best don't mess." It's getting interesting. Good thing school starts next month : )

Speaking of school. Tuffy is my last one. He's a senior. WTC! Where does time go and what happened in the last 22 years? I feel it's all a big blur. I wish I would have started blogging back then. At least I would have documentation of both the good and the bad times. Oh wait, Gore hadn't invented the Internet yet *snicker snicker* If your kids are little, I know it's cliche but it's true, freaking enjoy every single stage. You NEVER get it back. And before you know it, it's gone. Like a fart in your hand........

I still have a marathon coming up in September. Ask me if I am training for it. Go ahead, ask. NOPE. After working through this last little injury going on, I haven't gotten a long run in. And a long run involves over 13 miles. Nope. I don't know what's going to happen. I might end up walking Top of Utah and finishing in 6.5 hours. But to be truthful, I am afraid to give my legs a long run. I am afraid of re-injurying (is that a word). There, I said it. I'm afraid.

It's almost August. I love August. August is prolly my favorite month. Guess I should update my sidebar calendar and start looking forward to all the fun we have planned.

It's 5:15am. I'm getting ready for a nice long bike ride. If I ride the temple route, can I count that as my temple attendance for the month?

Speaking of the temple. I think I have a couple of nieces that would like to strangle me. We are in the process of doing my Grandmother's work. It's in my court now. It has been for months. I am the hold up. I suck. I need to get that done THIS WEEK! I'm on it Sobrina, I'm on it.

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

I like days off work. I can get so much done that it's a rewarding feeling at the end of the day. Plus then, all the chores I get done that day, don't have to be done on Saturday.

Friday is Pioneer day. A couple of years ago, our youth did Trek. It was an amazing experience. Our stake is going again next year. I hope I get to go along again. I think that since I have already had the chance, I won't be offered again, and I know you shouldn't campaign for things like this in the church, but I really, really want to go. It's a humbling, spiritual experience and one that everyone should experience at least once. Even you Martie - the non-camper.

Friday is also the first race since I took a week off for rest on my body. I know it's just gonna trash my knees again, because the course is all downhill. Some have suggested I pass on it, and just let my entrance fee be a donation. Nope. Can't do it. Mentally. So trash my knees I will, then spend the rest of the weekend icing them and popping the Lortab.

Speaking of the rest of the weekend, it will be spent at the cabin. MIL's cabin. In the most beautiful country ever, nestled amongst beautiful trees and away from people. Taking the 4 wheeler, dirt bikes and Sissy. Good.Times. A much needed break from the city, people, work and everyday life.

Seems that my question of the day sparked quite the heated commentary on FB. While I try not to be a pot stirrer on purpose, I did realize it would prompt feedback. I just had no idea the magnitude. And I'll be the first to admit, I love a good dialogue with educated people about current issues. I DON'T like know-it-all's or those who argue for the sake of arguing. If one is passionate about it, has solid facts, and is respectful, I love those exchanges. But if arrogance or disrespectful arguments enter in, then I am done. I think I will choose more wisely, the questions I pose publicly and instead talk privately with my own trusted sources about issues I have strong feelings about.

Took the big Freakshow to the groomery for a nice close cut shave before we head to the mountains. I pointed out to the groomer, a "something" I had found on him just last night. It was a huge growth of some sort. I know it wasn't there before, or had been there very long. She told me he needs to get it checked and biopsied ASAP.
Crap! Keeping my fingers crossed he just has a nice new beauty mark of some kind and nothing worse. While I love my dogs immensely, I also realize that in the hierarchy of things, they are still animals. Okay, so I have my dogs ashes on my mantel and a bronze of her paw, but again, I realize that they are animals. If this turns out to be something awful, I guess we'll have some hard decisions to make. Keep fingers crossed.

Just realized that I have spent too much time now on the computer and should get to work on my list of chores to be done today.......

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

Who knew that so many people felt so strongly about stalkers?? Personally, I was contemplating BECOMING a stalker. Not a bad one, but a good one. You know the kind that constantly reminds you how much you are adored, admired, and idolized. That kind of stalker. Now to choose whom I will stalk......... You might get an email from me with something like this:Don't be alarmed. I will be gentle with you. And most certainly not a freak.

I realize now how therapeutic all my running and gym time is. I am laid down with some irritations that will only get better with rest. Complete rest. I'm trying very hard not to spiral into a deep, dark depression. But, NGL - it's hard. Very, very hard. Exercise is comfort for me. It's like chocolate to some, or even meth/crack to addicts, so going without is debilitating. Now, I'm trying to find ways to self soothe that are not destructive. Like eating nothing but Skittles. While very soothing to sort and eat by color, it is destructive. I've been told I am a ritual eater. That is true. I guess I need to find a ritual that is a good one.

Speaking of nutrition destruction. I think I am going to take a note from Sher and do a little detox. Monsters - buh-bye (except for race days); Caffeine - buh-bye (except for rare occasions); Non essential sugars - buh-bye (that includes skittles, milk duds (candy in general), desserts except for special occasions.
Hello more lean proteins and smart carbs. I'll stick with my red meat, thanks. Not a chicken/turkey fan, but hey, my other sacrifices will count right? Word of wisdom compliance one step at a time kids.

There is a chalk war going on in my neighborhood. More specifically, my house. What started as love from my YW - has turned into a war between them and Tuffy. And truth be told, the girls are winning. It is kinda fun to wake up every morning and see what they have left behind. Tuffy - I thought I taught you better...... step it up boy. Your getting smoked by girls......

Being on call bites. Your personal life basically goes in the crapper while you are tied to the pager. Yes, we still actually use a pager. I know. Archaic.

Why is it that when Sissy is here on the weekends, I sometimes wish I had some free time. Then when she is not here all week, I miss her like a fat kid misses his sweat pants? Like I don't think I can make it until Friday to see her again?

Speaking of Sissy, I need to post all our fun pictures from last weekend. Now that I have my camera back and working and oh, BTW, I really DID have my memory card. So sorry to the company that I blamed for stealing it.....

The good news...... The bad news....

The good news.....

I got my camera back!

The bad news......
My super great memory card with over half of all my pictures didn't come back with it.


The good news........
I have another memory card that does have SOME of my pictures.


The bad news.....
I've contacted the company but no response. Highly doubt it's gonna be "found". I can't prove it was in the camera when I shipped it. I should have remembered to remove it. Someone at that company scored a super great memory card.


The good news......
I think I had the most important pictures already loaded on my PC.


The bad news.....
I'll never know for sure.


The good news......
I GOT MY CAMERA BACK AND IT WORKS!!


The bad news......
No more bad camera phone pictures (see above). Wait, that's GOOD NEWS!

Random ramblings....

I finally have my google reader caught up! I have been terrible the past week. What with Ragnar, my eyes, crazy busy work...... but I have read every single one of them. Maybe not the best commenter, but I have read you!

Sugar Daddy is in the other room watching the NBA draft. He's got it on the TV and on his laptop. I wandered in and was talking about something and he, um, told me to "stop talking". Wow. I haven't been told to stop talking since like high school. Oh wait, Monday in staff meeting my boss told me to stop talking. Perhaps I speak too much.....

We are headed to C's softball game. He is playing with the boys that he grew up with playing. It's like old times. Feels weird. Half these guys are married and daddy's now. Weird. Life comes at you fast!

I totally forgot my wallet at work. It's locked in my desk, but now how am I going to get a milkshake? I've tapped out Sugar Daddy. I guess, it's shake-less night for me.

I love bacon. I hate cooking it. Rather, I hate it being cooked in my house. (like I cook- HAH) We had breakfast for dinner and it just permeates everything! Cooked pig......cooked salty, fat pig........

I wish I was in Sonoma.

I finally get to wear makeup tomorrow! YAY for trying to dress it up! Good thing, since me and my work BFF's have a dog and pony show to present tomorrow. I will enjoy not looking 65 years old.

My freak show dog is more than weird. He has it timed perfectly as to when to go lap up water. Right during our dinner blessing. We also use that time for family prayer. It's the only time we are all together. All three or two of us. So,it tends to be the most important, longer prayer of the day. Without a doubt, the minute we start, Kasey heads to the water dish. And laps. And laps. And laps. LOUDLY! It doesn't matter what time, it's never set. Even Sunday's when dinner is earlier, he heads for that water dish. It's like the minute we fold arms and bow heads, it's his que. Weird, weird, WEIRD dog.

I just reviewed my race schedule for the rest of the summer. I think I have bitten off more than I can chew, but still have a few weekends open that I am looking to fill. I am a sick, sick girl.

I wish I was in Sonoma.

Wednesday Wrandom Wrambling's

It's been a while since I just rambled......surprising since it's what I seem to do best.

It's half way through June. Where the crap is time going? Really?! You realize that July is just around the corner. Elder L has been out 18 months on Friday. In some ways, it seems like it has just draaaaaagggggged. And in others, it has sped by.

Father's day is Sunday. I keep asking Splenda what he wants. Nothing. Nothing! I have no great ideas, no money and no creativity. I also have to speak in church. It wouldn't be so bad except that I have already spoken on Father's day before. What's left to say? Still thinking that one through.....

This weekend is the Ragner Relay. It will be my first time doing this fun event and I don't know anyone on my team. Except Sher. She's the one who wrangled, okay nicely asked me, into this thing. I am nervous. Not for the running part, I can do that, but the unexpected. I've been given great tutorials from Becca and Laurie, but I still am very unsure of how it's all going to go down. Thank goodness we are getting together tomorrow night for a pre-race dinner. I can then meet the 11 other people I will be spending 24 or so hours with.

I love summer for the fruits and veggies in season. As I type I am downing cherries. At only 4 calories a piece, you can eat until your tummy hurts with no caloric damage done. And don't even get me started with corn on the cob. There is a stand in WV called Brachs, that I SWEAR has the best corn ever. Hands down. I've never tasted anything like it and believe you me, I try lots because everyone swears this kind or that kind is the best. Nope. Only Brachs! I joke that their farm workers that pee in the fields while picking must all have diabetes, and that is why the corn is so sweet!

I'm going this afternoon for a second consultation for Lasik surgery. I went to one center on Monday, and while they were fine, I wasn't overly impressed. The doc had no personality and not one of their staff ever laughed at any of my humorous remarks. Lame. Today is another center that I have been researching and will likely go with them. We'll see (pun intended). I am just anxious to get it done and get rid of these glasses. Very hard to do all the things I love to do with them. Wish me luck. At least, I am told I am an excellent candidate. Love to hear that!

My freakshow dog keeps escaping. We've gotten the fence fixed so he can't break the boards and get out that way, but he has figured out how to open the doors with his mouth and turn the knobs. If he had opposable thumbs, he could even do the dead bolts I am sure! Seriously, he needs a farm to run loose on and chase animals. What is funny, he runs the neighborhood, then comes home and sits on the porch or lays on the front lawn until someone returns to let him in. Crazy - cuckoo dog!

I wish I was going with the Shark to Sonoma and riding he JDRF ride. 'Nuff said. You could pop over and give her some encouragement, she's got a long ride ahead of her.

Who cares if Obama slapped a fly dead on his hand? Fine, he picked it up as he was leaving. But I didn't see anyone hand him a wipee or that he washed his hands. Dead fly guts. Ewwwwwww..... And yet, ANOTHER reason why I don't care for him.

That's it. That's all I got. Now to work. Testing, testing and more testing for an upgrade next month. I know, your jealous....get over it.

xoxoxox
Peace Out!

Saturday Random's

This morning I got up for an early run, I had an hour and a half, so I figured I would just see how far I could get. Much to my dismay, as I started off, I realized I had a completely dead iPod. What is so hard about making sure my podder is charged? Really? So thus, I was chugging along listening to myself breathe and the voices in my head having many different discussions. Did you know it's true that whatever the last song you heard is the one that gets stuck in your head? Sher's arrangement of How Firm A Foundation was my running anthem this morning. I have a whole testimony about that song, but that's for another post. I also heard roosters crowing, sprinklers slapping fences and sidewalk, trucks backfiring, dogs barking, and horses neighing to get my attention as I trotted by. I saw a little more clearly the sunrise, the flowers that were still dewey, the moon up in the sky on the west. I smelled more distinctly the wet grass, the water on the sidewalk, the horse pasture, and the fragrant bushes. I actually enjoyed the podder-less run this morning. I only made it 8.7 miles. I need to train harder.

Two year olds are at an interesting age. One minute happy as clams, the next full on hissy fits. Or is it just girl two year olds? I don't remember with my boys, but I do know it gets old pretty quick. How long does this last? At least her cute moments far outweigh the naughty ones.

Did you know that petunia's are so much more fun to plant in someone else's yard? Yeah you heard me. Explain that....Yard work sucks, but for some reason this morning's flower planting adventure was.... was.... well it was fun! And bonus - it inspired me to come home and weed my own flower bed.

Someone mentioned an Iceberg shake yesterday, and now I am fixated on it. I think about one constantly and will likely keep thinking about it until I soothe the craving. Does anyone else do that or am I the only weird one? And why do those darn things have to have so many calories??

Sissy and Jordan have a love/hate relationship. They are intensely jealous of each other. I am grateful that the canine half of the duo is patient. The human half is a bit testy, she yells "Mine" any time Jordan comes near me. Gonna have to work on that little relationship.

Our Bonco's group is getting together tonight for dinner. I know, I know, your reading this going its BUNKO! B.U.N.K.O! Whatev! It's actually a group of about 5 or 6 couples that 16 years ago started playing the dice game. After a year or so, we got bored and just started going to dinner. We do something once a month together and really, it is the greatest! We have had kids marry, divorce, parents die, have grandbabies, you name it, we've been through it together. It's a very unique situation, and I am grateful for every last one of these great people. I could call any one of them at any time for anything and the troops would be there! Splenda and I missed last month, so I am especially excited for tonight.

School is almost out. Just a few days left. And then, my baby is a Senior. Where in the freak did time go? Seriously, just two weeks ago, he was going to Suzi's half a day and kindergarten the other half. Sometimes I want the last 17, no wait, the last 20 years back. Can I cry "mulligan" on this and get a do over? No?

I have to teach YW tomorrow, I am NOT prepared. Lesson is on personal history keeping. Maybe I'll tap into someone's unsecured wireless and just pull up my blog.

My brain and body seem fried. I can totally bear my testimony of the power of getting enough sleep. Really. I have not done well, this past week and I can feel it both physically and mentally. Therefore, I am taking some "sleep well" drugs and calling it a Saturday........

Mother's Day......Let's be honest shall we?

I hate Mother's Day. Really. Can't stand it. All that schmaltzy, cheesy, nonsense. Rainbows, butterflies, hearts and crap. Blah, blah BLAH!

Let's put it out there like it really is huh?

We are, therefore we all have a mother. Some of us were raised by our birth mothers, others of us were not. Either way, we have a mother figure of some sort.
Today is the day we generally set aside to honor mothers. Whether we want to or not, our thoughts are guided to our own moms, ourselves as mothers, or even the misfortune of NOT being a mother. And usually, at least for me, the day sucks. Plain and simple.

There are some people who are very close to their Moms. Talk at least once a day on the phone, visit every week, share everything in life together. For me? I don't get it. Don't get me wrong. My mom was the best Mom she could be. I'm not gonna pretend everything was roses and cheesecake (which is gross, by the way), when in reality is wasn't. We both know we had a rough go of it. It's okay. It is what it is. I don't have the "call every day-talk all the time-share every little thing" relationship with her and that's okay. There is mutual respect and love and that is enough. So I don't get that whole part of it all.

Then, after I became a mom, I would do just about anything to get out of going to church. Again, the cheesy crap that I knew was going to come. Butterflies, rainbows and freaking heart crap! "Oh, I just don't know what I'd do without my Mom"......BLECH!
Not only was I NOT that kind of Mom, but I didn't HAVE that kind of Mom. So I never fit in. Anywhere.

I yelled. I spanked. I issued time-outs. I grounded. I swear. I let the TV babysit on more than one occasion. I was not at the "crossroads", I worked outside the home. I didn't sew, bake or even remotely cook. I didn't organize fun play dates. I wasn't the PTA president. My house wasn't spotless and organized to a T. And don't even get me started on making their Halloween costumes. Oh how I hated that day at school and the stupid costume parade! I didn't teach them hard work by giving them daily chores and Saturday projects. Not one of my sons is an Eagle Scout. I made my middle child lay with a broken arm all night because I didn't think anything was wrong. They ran out of lunch money and more often than not, had overdue library books. I didn't stay up all night working on their science projects with them or wait on the couch until they came home from a date so we could "talk". I didn't ensure weekly family home evenings, nightly scripture study and kneel by them while they said their prayers.
Yup. Confirmed. I suck.
Then this week, I let myself stew on it a little longer. Maybe it was because I had Sissy all week and had lots of time to think back to my earlier parenting years and what has become of our family now. Maybe it's because I now have the perspective of a 42 year old whose sons are mostly raised. Hindsight truly is 20/20.

So?.........
My kids know EXACTLY how I feel about anything and everything and usually loud enough to not bear repeating. They also know, they can tell me anything in any kind of words they feel they need to. So what if there are some cuss words at my house? As long as it's not the f-bomb or the Lord's name, you are generally okay. My kids know the line. And they don't usually swear. Just me. Funny how that worked out isn't it?
And while my sons aren't Eagle Scouts, they do know the value of working and serving their community. I wasn't the PTA president but I did spend 10+ years of the board for Little League. My kids know what it is like to spend an entire Saturday in a hot snack bar grilling burgers, dropping a basket of fries in the hot grease, and pumping out snow cones. They know how to deal with angry people. They have watched me stand my ground with parents and umps, and then turn around and help a 4 year old figure out which candy bar he wanted cause "he can't read yet". They watched as I had to report theft in our league and turn in our very good friends to law officials. They watched as I struggled to do the right thing.
They have seen me "give it to" a teacher who was wrong. Sit in class in middle school to prove a point and take on the principal over an important cause.
My house was generally in chaos not so much because of disorganization, but because of sheer numbers. I have had more boys at my house than you can imagine. My sons know that anyone and everyone is welcome. They don't have to ask first, so I can shine up the place. They just come here to be. And while I don't wait up on the couch to talk after a date, they know that a quiet "Mom, I'm home" is enough for me to prop up on an elbow and ask for details. Not just my own sons know that my great big bed is the "talking" place. I have had my fair share of others plopped at the foot of my bed yakking away at me. My sons also know that whatever food we have in the pantry is there to share. No questions. And while my boys probably have to look on the front page of the scriptures to find a particular book, they do know where.I.am.all.the.time.

How did my little family turn out? In spite of me, and that I suck according to the Mother's day standards?

Oldest son
- making some hard life decisions and has chosen a different path, but is honest enough with me to tell me. He is open with me to a fault I think. He knows that even though I get more than ticked at him sometimes, my door will never be shut and locked. It's open, just waiting for him. I don't know that he'll ever seek that door, and while our hearts break daily for him. He ultimately knows we love him. It is enough for now.

Middle son
- After some waffling back and forth his later teenage years, made the decision to serve a mission for our church. He is happier than I have ever seen him. And though, he might not have learned all the things he should have from me before he left, he is a successful servant of the Lord. And he is happy. Happier than I have ever known him to be. He is a leader, an example and a walking testimony of the power of the atonement in one's life.

Youngest son
- A good boy. Knows what he wants and what he doesn't. Is kind, compassionate and is one of the most non-judgemental persons I have ever met. He accepts people for what they are, who they are and constantly sees the good in things. And more than any of my kids, is completely self-reliant. And at work, is a great employee. Being the only one left at home, has become my good friend.

I have realized that my kids are who they are. They were themselves before they ever came to this earth. I'm not a believer in "molding". I can't mold a shape that is already formed. I can teach, help, guide, show by example, love and pray for my kids. However, in the end, they are their own selves. I was blessed to be small sliver in their earthly experience. I was blessed to have the opportunity to learn MY life lessons through attempting to be their Mom.

Their personalities and traits were already in place before I ever got a hold of them. I just tried to instill the good things that I knew, encourage them to be the best they can be, teach them about consequences and then leave the rest up to them. I can neither accept blame or compliments on how they turn out. They get all the credit. They, in the end, make their own choices.

So for all of you that have posted such beautiful poems, sayings, pictures and otherwise very touching tributes, I say good on ya!

As for me, now that I got a rockin gift from Splenda and the Tuffster, I say, let the day be over already! Let me get back to my everyday life. Let me go back to enjoying my kids for who they are, enjoying their personalities that they were created and born with, enjoying the fact that we are a family who loves each other despite the fact that maybe we didn't do all the things were were counseled to do perfectly all the time.

Am I glad to be a mother? A resounding YES! It has been the greatest blessing of my life. But at the same time, NGL - it's been the hardest, most heartbreaking trial of my life as well. If I could go back, would I do anything different? Probably not. I did the best I could. Not all of my children chose what I would have wanted, but I really don't think anything more that I could have done would have changed that.
It is a good feeling to relieve myself of that burden.

I have to repeat, I can no more take the blame for my children's actions than I could take the praise. It's them. It's their choices. And truly, I am just blessed to be a small part of their earthly experience.

So for next year Mother's Day? I am going to approach it a little differently. I am going to applaud my children for their good choices. Demand expensive gifts for putting up with their crap, have an expensive dinner on Splenda and then call it good.

And if anyone decides to bring up the foo-foo, fluffy, butterfly, rainbow hearts crap. I'm gonna knock up 'side of their heads to get some sense back into them and then move on.

Happy Mother's Day!

A day of Randomness

I don't know if it's the great muscle relaxants I'm on, or the fact that it is Wednesday but my head is spinning like a roulette wheel and I can't seem to place any kind of a bet and make it stop.

Not gonna lie. Pretty bugged that some of tonight's favorite TV viewing is pre-empted because of 'bama's news conference. I would SO MUCH rather watch Scrubs than him. I'm tired of him. But, that being said, I'll be a good little citizen and watch so that I can fairly judge him and find him lacking.

This new sports drink, that I got as a sample of in my goody bag from a race, really sucks! And I have a little less than half a gallon left that needs to be gone by bedtime tonight. Maybe I can disguise the taste by chasing it with Sugar Daddies.

Kathie Lee Gifford is just as annoying on NBC as she was on ABC. Different co-host, same irritating self. We actually passed Hoda on the street when we were in NYC a summer or two back, and so thus I feel a little loyalty to her (yes, weird huh?), but KLG? She needs to get over herself.

Wow, I am spewing some negativity here aren't I? On the bright side? Next week is Employee Appreciation week at work and I have a massage scheduled at 12:30. Thanks EG for getting me scheduled. Awe.Some!

I really, really want a concealed weapons permit and a gun. Really, really. I think since my first Mother's Day gift request for this year clearly isn't going to happen, I'm gonna go with this one. I'm told there is a great deal in LV, and if it checks out, I think a road trip is in store for me! Why do I want this? I don't know. But every day that passes just increases my feelings about it.

Running outside this morning during the 9:00am class was fabulous! Made me remember why I love it so much! The sun shining, perfect temp. Nothing better. Really.

I'm confused as to the media coverage on this so called pig sickness. I'm hearing that the Pandemic Level threat has been or, is very soon to be, raised to level 5. Maybe I should start designing face masks. There just might be a solid market for them very soon. I bet I could retire then right?

Check that. Fox news went live to a press conference. Yep. Level 5. Hmph. I guess my dinner plans at the local McSlop shop will need to be delayed. You never know how recently the workers have been here in the good ole US of A and if they brought anything oinking with them. And more importantly, will this put a damper on my travel plans in 2010 to Mexico? Better not! I will be seriously ticked off and THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!

I should probably stop joking about the squealing, oink flu. Karma has a way of biting me in the butt often.