An open letter to Subway

Dear Subway  located in West Jordan, UT on Redwood Rd and approx 7800 South:

Yes, you.

You suck.

I realize that making 5 sandwiches during a busy lunch period might be slightly difficult, but since you are IN the business of making sandwiches, I kinda expect that you might have it down better than you did today.

Remember that good looking kid with the big brown eyes who waited in line for a really long time today about, oh, noonish?  The one on the phone? 

Yeah, he was on the phone because I am on call and can't leave the computer so he kindly went to get everyone's lunch and needed to get the orders correct thus the phone. 

5 sandwiches.  Similar.  Nothing outrageous.  No special orders.  A couple subs of the day (should be easy), a couple of 5 dollar footlongs (again, should be a breeze) and one toasted chicken sandwich.  NOT.HARD.

How come then, when my good looking, kind hearted kid got home with all of the sandwiches, were two of the foot longs WITHOUT MEAT???!!!

Both 5 dollar Italian footlongs had no meat.  Cheese?  Check.  Veggies? Check.  Dressing?  Check.  Meat?  NOPE!

What to do?  It was pouring rain, the boy had already stood in line forever, trying to be quick since your staff was kinda busting his gonads for so many sandwiches being dictated over the phone, so asking him to take them back was not gonna fly.  Besides that, someone could claim we just took off the meat.  And frankly, the other boys whose sandwiches those were for were starving and dived into them biting, chewing and swallowing before realizing that there was no meat.  So return a sandwich with a big boy bite bitten out of it?  Not likely.

In the past, you have been wonderful.  I used to stop every single Wednesday on my bike on my way home from the gym, and while I am pretty sure your staff had been smoking the hooch, the sandwiches were at least always correct.

Today, I am bitterly disappointed.  You are better than this. 

Sincerely,

A very disappointed Mom who had to make her big boys eat their foot longs without any meat.  That sucked.

A strongly worded letter to Chili's

Dear Chili's restaurant,

Oh how I USED to love you.  Serious love.  The make-out and marry you kind of love. 

 I could come there, order my chips and salsa, diet coke with vanilla and make a selection from your guiltless grill menu.  I enjoyed the fact that there were so many healthy options on that guiltless grill menu for me to choose from.  I could visit often (and did), because I could get something different each time and yet still stay within my caloric restrictions.

What happened to the Guiltless Grill menu items?  It is now completely missing from your menu.

No more Guiltless Tilapia.  No more Guiltless Pita. No more Guiltless Chicken Platter.  In fact, the word Guiltless doesn't even exist anymore on your current menu.  What the crap???

And don't even start me on the Southwestern Cobb Salad.  I realize it wasn't a "guiltless" item, but Splenda and I could share one with a small bowl of soup and it was the perfect portion of food.

And the soup?  I'm a Chicken Enchilada girl (no cheese on the garnish) but the last time I had a cup, I bit into a piece of chicken that turned out to be nothing but gristle.  Or chicken fat, or whatever the correct technical term is.  That is enough to make me never order it again for the simple fear of another such bite.

I'm so sad.  So sad indeed.  Now it appears that the only thing I can order from your establishment is the Chips and Salsa.  To go of course.  No server wants a table with nothing but chips and salsa.

Please for the love of all that's holy and sacred at least don't go messing with those mmmkay?

And if you can find it in your heart to at least bring back the Southwestern Cobb salad, I could return as a regular.

Sincerely,

A chips and salsa loving, chicken gristle hating, former patron.

Dear Mr Rude Dude......

Dear Rude-Driver-Dude in the maroon beater Nissan two wheel drive tuck with UT plate 211 YMH,

Really?! Just who do you think you are?! Are you so much more important than the rest of us that you must zig/zag through lanes of traffic and cut off as many people as possible?!

Did you gain some sort of sick satisfaction when you cut RIGHT in front of me, and then had to hit your brake, thus forcing me to slam on my brakes, THUS, sending my bowl of corn pops all over my truck? HUH?! Now, I’m a believer in the 10 second rule, but not in the car. GREAT! NOW how am I supposed to correctly calculate the calories in the bowl of cereal when I don’t know exactly HOW MANY SPILLED!! And since they are coated with a nice sweetness something or other, that will make for super fun cleaning up. Thanks. Lucky for you, I had just gotten off my cell phone. If you had interrupted my conversation, I would have had to REALLY lay on the horn.

Is your job so important that it necessitates such erratic driving behavior? Are you a doctor that is rushing to deliver a baby, save a child or perform some sort of emergency surgery? Not with that POS you were driving.

Are you a VIP construction worker on an extremely important project downtown that requires your expertise with the crane? No, even Juan and Pedro down here at the Downtown Rising project are polite and kind.

WAIT! I figured it out! You have been out of smokes, beer and money since early yesterday afternoon. You were rushing to pick up your unemployment check so you could cash it, get your Natty Tall Boys, Camel menthol's and settle in for the day watching your cousins on Jerry Springer.

Well, just keep this in mind next time rude dude, waving your fat man hand in disgust at the rest of us who happen to be in your way, will NOT get.you.there.faster.

Sincerely,

The pissed off lady in the bad A pathfinder whose dirty looks WERE directed at you