Here we are 3 months into the isolation/quarantine/social distancing world and now it's Mother's Day. What to do? Lately, I'm only mothering Miss Maggie May.
Let me preface, as a young mother, I HATED Mother's day. I've never been one for sugary sweet emotions and lovey, cheesy crap. Don't get me wrong, I'm overly affectionate and a hugger that can be obnoxious but all the flowery, butterflies that tend to come with Mother's day makes me very anxious and uncomfortable. Raising my children, I always felt like I was sucking at it all the time. Every night in bed, I would feel such overwhelming guilt about how the day went. Yelling, threatening, fighting, grumpiness.... I would want to throw up and beg God to make my children forget it all and help me be better the next day. And then, rinse repeat. I always felt like I didn't measure up to all the things the world was telling me that a good mother should be. I worked full time, I had little patience, I dealt with my own anxiety in a horrible way and I always felt like I was a terrible example to my boys. Oh the swear words!! I wasn't close to my own mother during those years so I was forging on my own and in my mind doing a class A shitty job. Sadly, going to church always enhanced my feelings of guilt, so I often made excuses to skip that week.
And then they grew up and went about their own lives. I watched them turn into amazing men. In their own individual ways they are stellar human beings doing good things with their lives. They have become father's to their own children and I am amazed at how damn good they are at it! Of course, they had the best example in their own dad, but I'll save that for Father's day. In spite of my own shit show of a mother, they turned out to be incredible people!
I still feel guilt. There are things I would certainly change if I had to do it all over again, but I also realized that all mothers suffer these same feelings. We all feel inadequate and that we are in way over our heads, but we muddle through hoping for the best. I came to realize that I can't change a thing and that through it all I loved my children more than my own life. Even if I didn't communicate it very well, I LOVED them. I can live with that. And,the fact that I can help pay for their therapy too.
This weekend, I was grateful that my kids wanted to come over and we got very creative in how we did it.
Thankfully, I have children that are flexible and willing to adapt. We staggered visits between Saturday and Sunday so that we could see all the kids and grands, keep our distance and limit the risk of infection. I would be crushed if any of them got sick because of me or Splenda Daddy.
Saturday afternoon Corbin and his girls came for lunch. The weather was perfect so we sat on the deck catching up, jumping on the tramp and riding the 4 wheeler. All things that we tend to do when the family is together. All memories that I hope imprint on my grandkids.
Later, Preston brought his girls and hung out for awhile. They were so excited! They love sleep overs and coming over and it's been hard to not have our usual time together. They loved doing all their favorite things.
We took some flowers to Dave's mom. She is in an assisted living center and she is on lock down, but gratefully she has a balcony and we can chat outside.
I sent some Crumbl cookies to my Mom so we didn't risk anything with her. I asked her to send a selfie with her cookies. This is so classic her. I love it! I love her. And I especially love how our relationship has become what it is.
Felt like I should post the latest pic we have together since she doesn't selfie very well.
Sunday, Luke and Mindy came with their boys and again, the weather was perfect so we had some fun outside and the boys loved playing with all their favorite things.
Such a perfect weekend! I was able to Marco Polo Karalee and Montana so I did get a chance to connect with every single one of my children. I couldn't have asked for a better Mother's day during the pandemic. Hopefully next year, we might all be on a lovely vacation together. I can hope but for now, this was perfection.
I know longer hate Mother's day. I don't embrace it and I still feel guilt but I suppose that's just the way it is. Maybe the guilt is there to remind me to love them that much harder.
Even if they are grown ass men.
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