"Don't let Jordan eat your nuts honey, she'll get sick."
"Elmo shot a buffalo?" "Either that or the meat walked right into his freezer."
"I'm invoking the law of consecration. What's yours is mine."
"I'm gonna need to see some ID before you come near me."
Just go ahead and move that man flap over.
I'm not sure that between those two greasy, stringy haired women, without bras on, and boobs sagging to their knees, there is a full set of teeth. But they both can work a Dr Pepper bottle like no other.
I honestly overhead someone at work talking about her ex. She said "he couldn't find the right spot even if a gyno told him where it was."
ReplyDeleteMy boss has one hand that she can't use. Long and sad story. But yesterday, she was visiting her gyno and need her pits shaved by her husband. She can only shave one side for herself, but the other one can grow long. Her husband told her she needed a curling wand, not a shave. She laughed.
ReplyDeleteYou are so fun.
How many of these were morphine induced?
ReplyDeleteI would love more info on that last one.
ReplyDeleteI am kind of thinking I was glad I wasn't around for some of those! Just sayin'. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are a sick woman...and that is the main reason I keep coming back!
ReplyDeleteI invoke the Law of Consecration on a regular basis in my house..
ReplyDelete