Funny Bone Friday - Things I may have heard, or said, or just thought in my head,.

1. "Way to bear false witness, Dad. Good job"
2. "Once I found out she didn't have a w***ny, I didn't know WHAT to do with myself."
3. "Honey, they are called the MADrigals, not the MAGicals."
4. " I HATE it when it gets so close to Christmas! Everyone just keeps leaving me out!"
5. "I guess I'm just not hit-worthy"
6. "I don't have a girdle to contain that."
7. Now how did I miss this one VERY long curly hair towards the bottom of my leg when I shave DAILY, for this many months, nay years? Where's a ruler, I gotta measure this puppy.
8. "Maybe you need some prescription goggles strapped to your head."
9. Did that lady in the booth next to us, weighing in at a rather large, at least, 310 pounds just say "I looked so HOT on Halloween." One part of me says "good on ya mate", the part of says "oh please don't let that involve some sort of slutty outfit." Seriously.
10. "Look, look, mommy, I'm naked! I was itchy."
11. "Hey, there litle guy, that ear lobe you're gnawing on? NOTHING is going to come of it, so let's just give it a rest huh?"